An update...

The trickle of black envelopes into John Cornyn's office has begun! On Sunday I will be able to give more letters to people so next week it will really pick up-but so far, so good!

Monday starts my last week of full time work followed by a few weeks at 20 hours. The job hunt has not been very fruitful so far. Please pray for God's favor in this situation. My heart's desire (for me and for them) is that my boss who got laid off will get another job and that I can continue to work for this sweet family.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up for interview news in August, but obviously, I really want that interview! Please pray for peace and strength for us.

Also, despite their website saying complaints are only taken through the mail, my e-mail to TXDOT about the stupid traffic light does seem to have produced results! Yeah man!

Letters!

Today I began a bombardment operation. Letters to the Senator about our immigration case....lots of letters! I got black envelopes for greater visual impact and wrote a great (if I do say so myself) letter that's slightly generic with all the needed info. I've started with fifty. They are addressed and (almost) stamped so all my friends and family will have to do is sign their name and put their return address. I'm hoping this will get us heard. If not, it has been good for me to actually do something while I wait-I feel a little better, so it's not a waste. Please pray that the people who read these letters will help us (and other people, we aren't the only ones waiting forever because the embassy in Accra won't function properly)!

In other letter news....the stupid traffic light to get into my apartment either doesn't "see" my car, or really has it in for me. I routinely wait five minutes or more to turn while every other direction gets a green light over and over again! I wrote an e-mail and was told they only take complaints through the mail. WHAT?!? I'm deciding how much of a campaign this warrants. In normal life, it's not a big deal....but this is not normal life.

Oh yeah, George has malaria, so please pray for quick and complete healing!

Oh yeah again....my dad wrote the PRESIDENT! How cute is that? 54 years old and he wrote the prez for the first time...don't mess with his kid!

More prayers pleeeeaaaaasssssseeeee....

Everyday seems to get more dismal and more discouraging. I have all of next week off (it's been planned for months) originally my mom and I were going to do wedding stuff. That won't be happening. Please pray that the Lord would renew our strength and give us hope and encouragement. Please pray for my job situation and for direction in general. Please pray for peace, I don't have much of that.

I just don't know.

Remember in elementary school when you had a joke with a recurring line...and then finally you get to the punch line? Over and over you ask someone questions and they have to answer with the same phrase...then the last question you ask somehow makes that phrase funny or embarrassing.

That's how I feel right now, only it's not funny. Pretty much whatever the question is, my answer is: I just don't know. What's going on with immigration? When will George be here? What are you going to do next? What happened with your job? How will you make money now? What are you going to do next? The answer to all of those questions and so much more is, I. Just. Don't. Know.

This new set of circumstances changes things. It changes my perspective. It changes my financial situation (these recent $10/day phone calls to Ghana have got to stop!). It changes the options we have for our future. It changes the life of the little guy I watch. It just changes things.

So here I am again, back to, I just don't know. These are the things I do know, so they will have to suffice until all the other details are filled in. God is still my God and He is BIG. George is still my man and nothing will change that. Somehow, things will be okay.

Please continue to pray for us. We are feeling very aimless and very unheard. We need some serious wisdom, direction, HOPE and favor.

I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction: YOU HAVE KNOWN THE DISTRESS OF MY SOUL... Psalm 31:7

Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22

Keep on trying nonoboy...

Last night I was looking through some old pictures of my sweet times in Ghana. My favorite sign in the town I lived in in 2007 was for a little provision shop, it was called 'Keep On Trying Nonoboy' I'm not sure of the meaning of this, but it always tickled me. I still laugh about it. I noticed last night that Psalm 27:13-14 was also written on the sign.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

I was thinking about this verse and how fitting it is while writing this post when my boss came to me crying. Her husband has lost his job, so in turn, I am losing mine. Please pray.

Am I old enough for this?

So there are some big decisions ahead of us-really too many to list. Please pray that we would hear what God has for us and be united in our decision making. Specifically, there is an offer we are thinking and praying about (okay, that was semi-specifically:). Also, deciding when a visit is due, we don't want to spend $3,000 for a visit and get an interview a week later...so it's hard to know what to do.

I had said in my alarm, "I am cut off from your sight." But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried to you for help. Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord! Psalm 31:22-24

No interview...again.

After another what felt like eternally long wait, we got the same answer....no interview. I'm feeling pretty sad, a little shocked, kind of toyed with, and quite unheard.

I really thought we were going to get it, most people I know thought we were going to get it. I've only had a few hours to think about it and mull it over, so I still don't know what exactly we are going to do for the long or mid-term. For the short term, I'm gonna hang with my fam and send another letter to the Senator (in fact, I have an entire book of stamps, so I may just send a lot of letters!).

Please pray for peace, wisdom and guidance for George and me. We really aren't sure what to do. We feel like God has Texas for us, but we can't wait forever (man I sound like a love-struck teenager!). So we are just seeking God and seeking guidance from some of the wise people in our lives. We will wait it out for at least one more month before we make any decisions and we're trying to be hopeful.

TOMORROW!

Oh my goodness, tomorrow is the day!! I just talked to George and he got me so pumped that I'm nervous again!! Please pray...can't wait to find out if he got an interview! EEEEeeeeeeee!!!

Perplexed.

Typically interview scheduling is done the second week of the month and typically it's finished by Thursday...meaning, typically I get a resounding "NO!" on Friday. This month is not so.

Last month I had this horrible, 'I'm gonna vomit' feeling about mid-week...I just knew we didn't get it. This month has been different though. The week started rough, very rough and my mind has been on so many things and I have just felt unsettled and tired, exhausted really. But today, things were different. I woke up early (even after talking to Amanda past midnight!) and I was rested and at peace. I have felt strong and joyful today and I didn't even shake when I called the NVC, that never happens! When I spoke to someone she said the scheduling isn't finished and I need to call next week on or after Wednesday, which just so happens to be George and my 3 year anniversary. :) I'm not sure what all this means, but I have been praying for God to give me hope and faith; the kind I had before I was weary of all of this. He has. So while we haven't gotten THE NEWS yet, it's not bad news. I can make it to Wednesday just fine. :)

Please keep praying! It's not over yet.

So much is still in my mind...

My last post with all the random things going on in my mind didn't really help to clear things up...it did however make my mom laugh, so it was worth it. My mind is full...sometimes I wish I didn't think so hard! I am really looking forward to the long weekend to just relax and spend time with my family. It's going to be great!

I am also trying to get my heart right for next week specifically. For those keeping count, next week is our fourth month of interview scheduling (you know, the interview we were waiting 8 weeks for). I don't even know how to feel about it, which is weird considering feelings are supposed to be natural. All I know to do is to remember the faithfulness of God in all things and keep praying. Please pray with me. Please pray we would have hope. Please pray that we will be encouraged and strengthened. And please, please pray for an interview!

100 posts

Wow. This is my 100th post. Yay you for sticking with me! I thought I'd do a special post for the big 100, like 100 day in elementary school (yes, I know I'm dork). So instead of 100 things, here are a bunch of random things that have been going on in my mind lately. I'm not sure why you care, but it's my blog, so whatever.

• I'm so glad and thankful that I have George. I can't imagine my life without him...even if he is clear across the world right now.
• My dad sometimes (or maybe one time) says polah bear, instead of polar bear...recently, this is hilarious to me and I laugh out loud whenever I think of it!
• Pretty shoes make me smile.
• French food makes me smile and I really want some crepes.
• My mom makes me laugh, she's pretty funny.
• The little Hispanic boy in church who makes faces whenever the pastor says sex, homosexuality, lust, sexual immorality, etc. is SO funny! I missed him on Sunday.
• Elvis, the dancing man at church. I think he's so sweet, but thrusting in church will never get old and I will never stop laughing about it. The double funny part is that he's DANCING in a BAPTIST church!
• The maintenance man at my apartment, Vitto. He comes to look at the "shit rock" in my apartment after bad storms. He makes me laugh, but it's kind of in an awkward, I'm a bit sketched out sort of way.
• The little girl at the pool with her swimsuit on backwards makes me laugh...cruel, I know.
• I hate immigration and being away from George...like it even needs to be said.
• I just got the most fabulous shoes ever this week to wear with my wedding dress. They're Kate Spade! Say what?!
• Sometimes I am a very aggressive driver. I'm sorry, it's true.
• I need to stop watching movies about immigrants.
• I am losing my mind, I wonder if it will come back once all this immigration stuff is over.
• I'm not always sure what the point of fasting is, but I do it anyway.
• I'm sick and tired of hearing about Michael Jackson.
• My phone is so close to death, I really need a new one, but they're expensive!
• I wonder where we should go for our honeymoon...can't leave the country for a little while.
• I have a 4 day weekend starting Friday and I'm excited...I'm gonna hit the pool with my fam.
• I really need to get rid of this awkward tan on my legs...it's not funny anymore, it's borderline tacky.
• I really miss Ghana and teaching, but I don't mind my current job...it's just different.
• I'd pay $50 for some good jollof rice and a Star beer.
• I don't know how to feel or pray for next week...it's interview scheduling again.
• I'm weary.

That's all.

The American dream: tan, thin and cynical.

This is what I've become. Over the course of our relationship I've gotten a lot darker, smaller and much more cynical. Case in point... In 2007. March 2009....I'm much darker now. ;)

Sometimes I'm afraid that that's all people see...or in this case, read. People tell me "Wow! You look great!" usually, what they mean is, "Dang! How did you lose all that weight? I bet you don't eat, and could you try to look a little happier?" It's not all about being smaller or tan, despite what our culture feeds us and despite even what our Christian friends notice (or care about) the most.

At some level I am those things, but I'd like to think I've become so much more. I'd also like to think I'm a better witness than that. I've learned a lot so far and I feel SO much older! It's weird. On good days I can see how God has grown me and changed me. I see strength, patience (hard to believe, but yes, it's in there), gratefulness, love, hope and joy. On hard days it's pretty much anger and cynicism. I am thankful that I usually have good days and I am thankful that even though my cynicism creeps in just about everyday, that too is being changed.

I've been thinking a lot about the Proverbs 31 woman and in verse 25 it says, "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." That's pretty impressive and I figure if strength and dignity are her clothing, a cynical/pissy/sarcastic laugh about the times to come wouldn't exactly fit. I want to be able to do that.

So in that spirit, here are some good things that happened today...

• I got a letter from the senator saying that he is working on my inquiry and has contacted the State Dept on my behalf...he'll get back to me. (BTW- Mr. Cornyn most definitely did not inquire on my behalf, an underpaid intern or poly-geek did...but that's beside the point).
• I got to talk to George for a really long time. :)
• My parents' 32nd anniversary is today and that's great. It also gives me hope, one day that will be George and me. :)
• Tonight Jeremy and I are having a Foyle's War date at my place, that will be fun.
• It's Thursday, which is wonderful because that means tomorrow is Friday.

Some things I never want to hear again...

"Since 9/11..."

"Just be patient..."

"Things get easier with time."

I hear these tid-bits a little too often and I'm not sure I can take it any longer! I am trying to be strong and I am trying to continue with my life without being a huge baby, but hearing these things just about pushes me over the edge. I heard back from JFK man and he talked to some friends for me, which was very nice. His response was basically the same thing I hear all the time; since 9/11....just a little more patience....surely with time...blah, blah, blah! Well let me tell you, I'm sick and tired of people opening their mouths and having nothing to say. Also, I am so sick and tired of this whole 9/11 crap. I'm aware. I know what happened and if this is what our nation is like because of that, it seems to me that the terrorists have won. I also completely appreciate people who have no clue what this is like telling me to be patient or that it will get easier. You sir, are wrong! I am trying to be patient and I have been waiting for years to have George in this country....YEARS! And no, it does not get easier, in fact, it's quite the opposite. Each day is harder. Each day holds a deeper longing and sadness than the previous day; each day the temptation to run away is greater and each day my disappointment with this country and hopelessness grows. It does not get easier. My heart is heavy. I hardly sleep, I eat because I know I should and if I don't my wedding dresses won't fit! I'm officially heart sick.

I'm not saying the government should sit up and take notice because I'm sad, but a little customer service, some real answers and oh, you know, actually doing what I've paid them to do would be nice. But more so, the empty comments, the faux sympathy....that's what I really want to stop. I don't want people to blow me off anymore or pretend like they care-if they don't know what to say they should say that. I want the "buck up" attitude to stop- I am bucking up! I'm here, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, how else does one buck up? What I really want to stop is people who pretend they know what this is like and offer emptiness, while they grumpily go home to their spouse and treat them poorly. I'd rather be ignored completely.

I didn't exactly mean to rant. Sorry. And I'm not even really mad, (I'm way past that point, it takes too much emotional energy to stay mad at everything) I'm just weary. Weary of this whole process and so ready for it to be over.

Where is the line?

It's hard sometimes to tell where the line is between trusting God and fully relying on Him and being passive while the world and opportunities (likely God given opportunities) pass you by.

That's where I was caught this week. I don't like being told no, I don't like injustice, I don't like not being in control and I most certainly do NOT like being 6,000 miles away from my love. I felt like I needed to be still and know that He is God, but I was also angry and wanted justice. I still want justice, but the anger is gone and peace, to some degree is in its place.

So after reviewing my options (there weren't many) I did take some steps forward. Remember JFK man? I sent him an e-mail about what's going on. He had no idea George still wasn't here and said he can't make any promises, but will see what he can do. It's a tad creepy, but the guy really seems to like me, so I have confidence that he will actually see what he can do. So we'll see, I don't want to get my hopes up. I also sent a letter to my senator. The last time I asked for help with a visa I was basically told they don't interfere with immigration cases and it's up to the discretion of the embassy/state dept/whatever. Things seem to have changed though and there is even a form for immigration help. So again, we'll see what happens.

I've also realized that I really do need to make the best out of my current situation. Life is still moving forward even without George here. So I've started having more people over, I'm becoming less of a satellite with church friends and am working on my cooking skills (I give PF Chang's a run for their money with my Mongolian beef and fried rice!). It's not exactly a wonderful life at the moment, but it's fine and I am blessed. I just keep looking forward, and keep praying.

Pangolins and George

Pangolins are real. George is real.

I don't know how many people know what Pangolins are, I thought they were a commonly known animal until someone informed me otherwise. Better yet, this educated friend of mine even went so far as to say..."I think you made that up Bethany." Surely an armadillo-like creature in West Africa was made up by the Texan chick. Most people haven't seen Pangolins, so they don't seem real. Well, I knew they were real AND I have seen one.

I feel like people don't always connect that George is real...just like the Pangolin. Not many of my friends have met George and though I don't think people try to be hurtful, there's an obvious attitude towards this stranger I love that seems different from attitudes towards known people. So let me tell you, George is real. He is wonderful. He is mine.

That's all I have to say.

Really?

I am so confused and sad right now. George did not get an interview. That means it will be August or LATER before he will get an interview and be able to come. My heart is broken...again. I don't know how many people have been told by the government that they can't be with the one they love, but let me tell you-it's horrible, it's worse than horrible!

I don't know what to do right now. I can't call the NVC and ask more questions because I'm crying, so aside form it being embarrassing, they wouldn't understand me. I sent an e-mail asking how long we are expected to wait, but I know that I'll only get a form letter in a week that has no real information. I also sent an e-mail to an immigration lawyer asking some questions-I have a feeling that that too will prove fruitless.

This place in life right now is just hard. George and I are going through this process because we feel the Lord had America for our immediate future (remember, we tried the whole Africa thing and felt like God wanted us here instead) as well as, we are honoring my parents. So I kind of feel like, what gives? We are walking in obedience and it's not going very well. I want nothing more than to be still and know that He is God. I want nothing more than to feel the comfort I know God has for me, but right now, it's just deep, deep sadness. I'm sad my man is not coming soon and I'm sad that I fasted and prayed my heart out and feel like He isn't listening; and then I'm sad to have such a childish attitude about God. Who am I to tell Him what is best for me? I'm a mess right now!

And on top of all of that...a mega hail storm came through last night and totally plastered my car! This is a completely terrible day!!!!!

Whew, glad I got that out. Sooner or later I will have a different outlook and will post again.

Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! Psalm 46:10

My pastor reminded the congregation this week that 'be still' literally means 'cease striving'...I'm working on that. It's hard.

Also, the King James version says, 'I will be exalted among the heathen'. No comment about where 'heathen' may apply in my particular situation.

Nothing, YET...

I called the NVC and actually spoke to someone (it was quite the process). Interviews for July have not been made yet, but they should be made this week-I was told to call back next week. The guy told me that the Accra consulate was pretty backed up and that they could not predict what the wait was or when people would get interviews (obviously, he isn't the one who schedules). So at some level, no news is good news. George could be on the list for July...I am still praying and I still have faith-I'm mindful I may need to be reminded of this though. :) Please keep praying!!!!!

Strength

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

In the past, I didn't like this verse very much because I felt it was cliche'. Mostly used by tiny private Christian schools to pump up their crappy sports teams and declare they will win games! The more I get over myself, the more I see how wonderful it is and how evident it is in my life...here's what comes before the money verse: I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

So. True.