The last 6 months have been particularly tumultuous. I moved out of the home where I lived for 12 years into a tiny [hot mess of an] apartment with my family and then into my own place all by myself. On the job front I was told my boss was having another baby, that my job was secure and the family was happy to have me with them for basically as long as I would stay. Then, I was laid off…but slowly. I heard the thrill of my life when I found out our case was COMPLETE and we had only 8 more weeks (or less!) until our interview! We thought we were almost finished, only to be strung out months longer with no end in sight. I spent 2 amazing weeks with my man and we said our first non-tearful good-bye. “I’ll see you in no time…” I said, “…just a couple of months.” That was five months ago. I got malaria baaad…it took a while to recover and it clouded my mind. I got through my first big storm alone (funnel clouds and all) it really messed up my car and added more stress to my life. There was a possible job for G on the other side of the country, it briefly seemed like the promise land, but it was not. There were some very tough decisions and it was a difficult time for us. I get headaches now, I forget things, I don’t sleep through the night. We are seeking God earnestly and every plan we have had has pretty much fallen through. Sometimes I feel lost, but I don’t know what it is I’m trying to find. When I write it down, I feel a little less silly and a little more validated. A lot is going on and that’s not even close to all of it! Change is hard.

I’m just having a tough time. I’ve always been up for an adventure, but this is different. It’s not cute or fun anymore. The lies and corruption have changed the game and I don’t want to play it. Yes I want George here, but I don’t know how to make that happen. I don’t know what’s next. I have exhausted all of the options we have. I need peace, I need hope, I need comfort.

Today I planned on calling the NVC. I was going to call and tell the operator to connect me to the MOST senior person, the big boss. Then I was going to say this…”Hello, I have been waiting for 19 weeks to get an interview. You told me to wait 8. No one will tell me how long the wait is or where I am on the list. I thought this was curious, then I found out you were lying. No one can tell me how long the wait is or where I am on the list because it changes all the time. You are soliciting bribes and putting paying people ahead of me. As far as you are concerned I may never get an interview. You didn’t think anyone would find out because you only solicit Africans with no ties to US citizens. Well, I know. I know it all. You need to give me an interview and you need to give it to me NOW. Your secret is out, who knows how far it will go now?” Then I remembered, I’m not James Bond or Denzel Washington. That plan will probably severely backfire.

So again, I just don’t know.

Please keep praying for us.

P.S. I don't want to sound whiney at all, I'm just sharing our journey...letting it out.