The State of Our Union

For as long as I can remember, in the week between Christmas and New Years, my parents would go on a long date and discuss the past year and the goals and expectations of the future. They called this their State of the Union Date and made it a priority. We are following their lead and do the same thing. It's pretty fun actually.

Yesterday, we had a great day and finished it off with our State of the Union meeting. No one can really foresee what a year will hold, but this past year definitely threw us some curve balls. My brother mentioned recently that when one of us (my family members) suffers, we all suffer. So true. We suffered through death, job loss, health issues, hard waiting, financial distress and more that can't be mentioned. There were a lot of tears and many unanswered questions. Basically, it was a tough year! I took great joy in throwing away my 2011 calendar...it had things on it that I didn't want to see or remember. In spite of all those things, it was a good year too. God did not fail us. We have grown in so many ways this year-as a family, as a couple and as individuals. As an added bonus and much to my surprise, we actually achieved a lot of our goals!

2012 will be so different, wonderfully different. For starters, we're adding a baby pretty soon here! Secondly, G is only working 1 job, which actually has career growth and I am not working outside the house. We're moving soon as well! We have a lot of hopes and dreams and goals for 2012. Who knows what will happen this year? I don't, but the One who does has got my back. I plan to enjoy the ride and take things as they come. Goodbye 2011. Bring it on 2012!

Christmas Wrap-Up

This was a truly wonderful Christmas! In addition to marvelling at what God has done, we had some really wonderful festivities with family!!

G had to work until noon on Christmas Eve, so I headed to Ryan and Tiffany's without him. They hosted a wonderful brunch that was full of great food and laughter. JJ stole the show and we all enjoyed being a part of his 1st Christmas. Uncle G and Aunt Bethany gave him (and future foster kids) a play tent with tunnel. I love this picture...that's 5, yes 5 adults putting the tent and tunnel together.

 JJ is a hefty little fellow and none of the 1st Christmas shirts came in his size, so he wore it unbuttoned. It kept sneaking up out of his jeans and looked like a whale tale!! It killed me! The sweet little guy had a blast in the tent (so did Uncle Justin) and loved being the center of attention.

 Once G got off, we enjoyed some relaxing couple time, then joined Mom and Dad and headed to our church for the Christmas Eve service. It was packed, but SO SO wonderful!! My favorite part is when the lights are turned out and one candle starts the lighting of the the thousands! Then, it snows! :)

 Afterwards, it was party time! Christmas Eve at Justin and Kim's! The boys were all looking very dapper.

 And I look fat, instead of pregnant in this pic. Oh well.

 We had so much fun as a family and again, the food was delish! JJ of course, continued to have a captive audience.

 On Christmas morning, G and I opened our gifts and hung out for a bit before heading to my parents'. George is so sweet and thoughtful and really loves to give great gifts. This one is especially sweet. It's a Michael Kors watch that G bought because it looks like and reminds him of the watch I wore when we first met. How flippin' sweet is that?

Aaaaaand, the Coach diaper bag I've had my eye on! I will get LOTS of use out of this!! I'm pretty excited about it!

My dad made a really cool sign for Justin. Notice Dad's new "Pops hat"? Cool, I know.

 This was a small family year for us-only 6 people stayed all day! My mom took advantage of the smaller crowd and SERIOUSLY outdid herself in the food department. The standing rib roast was a huge hit.  

 It was a wonderfully relaxing and restful day!

 We finished our festivities with this KILLER cake! It's chocolate gingerbread with ganache layers and the frosting is ginger infused whipped cream. Like I said, mom outdid herself.

Who knows what next year will be like? I have a feeling that relaxing and restful might not be on top of the list with a little one. ;)

Ready for Christmas!!

I am so looking forward to family time this weekend and all the Christmas festivities!! My dad is off today, so we are gonna head out to lunch and do some last-minute shopping together! :o)

Tomorrow, my sister and her hubby are hosting a Christmas Eve brunch at their house; we have a Christmas Eve service at church (I'm not gonna lie-I will be so mad if we get put in overflow again this year and miss the "snow") and thhhhheeeennnnnn, Christmas Eve, a.k.a PARTY OF THE YEAR at my brother and sister-in-law's house! It's gonna be so fun! G works tomorrow, but only for 3 hours so we can totally deal. :)

In baby news, Cocoapuff is still doing great and his growth is right on target-34 weeks tomorrow! I'm feeling pretty huge lately, but I don't mind. My Dr. mentioned this week that even in-utero boys are stronger (typically bigger), have different muscle-mass and temperaments and really do just kick harder than girls. I feel like Cocoapuff heard her and is trying to prove his manhood lately! Also, my pregnancy giggles have not let up...the latest thing that keeps me laughing is that G calls diapers Baby Panties. I don't know why, but that is SO FUNNY to me!

Merry Christmas! Hopefully I won't be lame this year and I will actually take pictures. :)

Goings on...

I can't believe that Christmas is so close!! It really snuck up on me this year and doesn't quite seem as festive as usual. Weird. I am really looking forward to some time this weekend to enjoy family.

G is doing well in his new job and we are still so thankful for it. I must admit though, that I wasn't quite prepared for all the changes, I thought I was....but I was wrong. The job is great and a much anticipated change, but it still brings some good stress, which is better than bad stress, but stress nonetheless. It's a whole new ballgame for us. Even though he works fewer hours a week and has weekends, it's been a big change. We aren't able to communicate as much throughout the day and I can't just drop by and see him like I used to. I really miss those little interactions! I know this is just an adjustment period, and we have a lot of big changes in life right now. Soon, this will be our new normal...and then that will change as well. :)

Thanks to the new job, we sure are loving our weekends! Unfortunately, this weekend I got siiiiiick (which is kind of freaky when you're pregnant). My hubby sure did step up to the plate though and blessed me so much. Not only did he take care of me, he also did all of the house chores I would have done early this week so that I could just rest. Since I so rarely get sick, I've never really seen this side of G, it was so precious! I sure am blessed. :)

In other news, we are now biological Aunt and Uncle! Cocoapuff's cuz Sophia was born this week! She is so little and pretty! It was surreal to visit them and think, this could be us in just 7 weeks (or less)! Newborns are so amazing, they put life and God into perspective. Yay for a growing family!!



No belly pic this week, because G is so busy! We will take one soon...this dancing baby is getting BIG! :) That baby ticker on the right says we have 47 days till his due date! Holy cow that's close!! I finished the drapes for Cocoapuff's room this week and have sorted his clothes and boxed up his sweet little things so we can set up his room as soon as possible. 47 days seems way closer than the week or month count! Goodness, I have a lot to do!

Quick to judge

I recently had a facebook friend post that they had found a wallet and were going to return it the owner. The next post was that the Coach wallet that had been found had 2 WIC cards in it and that the poster had a problem with that.

I don't know if it's called WIC in other areas, but WIC is State food assistance for pregnant/nursing moms and young children (it's need based). I see several possibilities for a woman to have a Coach wallet AND government assistance cards in said wallet.

• The wallet could be a cheap knock-off.
• The wallet could have been purchased at Goodwill or a garage sale.
• The wallet could have been a gift from someone.
• The wallet could have been purchased during more affluent/better times.
• The wallet could have been won at work for doing a good job.
• The wallet could have been purchased by a woman who can afford it and has WIC cards for her foster kids.

Or possibly, that person with the wallet spends their money unwisely. Possibly they did buy an expensive wallet, while tax payers foot the bill for food for her family. The way I see it though, there are a lot of other possibilities.

Why is it so easy to judge so quickly and to choose to believe the worst about someone, someone we don't even know? This little facebook blip made me sad. It made me sad for the unknown Coach wallet lady and sad that this is so common-judge quickly and harshly. That's just yuck.

Week One

G is headed home from his first week at his new job! It has been quite the busy week. We are so blessed and thankful for this job and George loves it already. I do hope though, that things slow down just a little bit-this was training and orientation week after all.

I'm not sure if I mentioned before the driving aspect of this job. We are so blessed that G's actual work location is in our suburb and only about 15 minutes away. We could not have asked for better. For training however, he had to go to the main office, which is waaaay south. So south, that it requires driving on the interstate for about 24 miles before he even gets to his exit. Before this job, G had never driven this route, or spent that long of a distance on the [poorly planned, over crowded, way too many semis on it] interstate. Monday morning was his first solo run. He turned on the news shortly before leaving for us to find out that the interstate was closed several exits before his due to a terrible accident with fatalities!! Did I mention that it was also hovering around freezing and raining?? My heart sank and tried very hard not to mother my sweet hubby and just to give it to God. We prayed together and he was off. I went back to bed, but just lay there praying for his safety and protection. In record time, G called to say he was there! Apparently they had reopened the road as he left and tons of other commuters had already taken another route. Thank you, Jesus! The driving thing makes me nervous. This week has been a big test for me in who I think my life (and George's) really belongs to. I have to give George back to God over and over again...something I should hurry up and learn since Cocoapuff is coming soon! G has done awesome with the driving and I'm so proud of him!

And since it's my blog, let me just brag on my husband again for 5 seconds. He found out on Monday just how many applicants there were for this position, how many were interviewed and the few that got the job. He is the 1%. Wow! I am very proud of him, but we both also recognize that God is so good to us. I'm excited to see what the future holds.

P.S. I had an awesome baby shower last weekend...I'm still working on a post for that. :)

Walking by faith continued...

Despite how much I do share about our life, there is still a lot I leave off of the blog. There are a lot of reasons for that, one has been keeping discouraging comments/people at bay...so while in the thick of things, I try to just shut up...I'm only successful sometimes. I think it's time to share some of the recent details of our faith walk.

Over the last few months a LOT has been going on, and all at once it seems. Here are the high points. Sorry, this will be long.

Unemployment. All the unemployment stuff was pretty stressful for me...like more stressful than I anticipated. George was a great support and I am so thankful for him! I got through my hearing and found out the next day that I won. I immediately received the judgment from the hearing officer explaining why I won. I felt very confident in the decision, but more importantly, I felt validated. Then, the day after Thanksgiving I found out that my former employer is challenging the appeal! That was pretty upsetting because this crap just keeps dragging on!! Also, if they win this appeal (which is unlikely, but you never know), I have to pay back my unemployment, so it puts us in an odd financial situation. I'm not sure what will happen next and we don't have a timeline. I'm praying the commissioner who makes the decision sticks to the norm and that there is no hearing...just a quick decision in my favor. More practice in just giving the hard and stressful things over to God.

Housing. As you may have guessed, with George's job situation and the unemployment issue, keeping and/or finding a place to live was getting tricky. I had no clue where we would live or where exactly our Cocoapuff was going to sleep. Some days, that was pretty overwhelming. However, God just kept giving us peace and gentle guidance through it all, we are so thankful. We thought of ways to keep our current little 1 bedroom, but then got the lease renewal info and were shocked by the pricing. To keep rent as low as possible (but still a lot higher than what we pay now) we would have to sign on for another long term lease. A whole year here with a third person did not seem like a good idea (our bedroom is too small for a crib, so baby would be in the dining area, which has no real walls or sound barrier). We checked on a bigger apartment here (small, 1 bedroom/study) and that was super pricey as well! Despite the discouragement, we started checking around and looking into other options. We tried to take our wants off the list and just focus on needs- price, space, location and most importantly, SAFETY. That was harder to find than we thought. Except for God. On a whim, I stopped into an apartment G had been interested in-I hadn't gone in before because I knew we couldn't afford it. Much to my surprise, I was wrong!! This was definitely the place God had for us. A week later, and without really knowing how the future would work out (or even being positive we could make ends meet), we signed a lease for a 2 bedroom/2 bathroom. We'll be moving 3 weeks before Cocoapuff's due date. This apartment has not just our needs, but every want that I tried not to think about. God provided above and beyond for us, even the little things...tile floors, huge closets and no vertical blinds! Our God gave us such a wonderful gift in this apartment and we are so blessed and excited to be able to live there.

Job. Goodness, goodness. There is really too much to say on this one. George had a lot of interviews over the past few months. Notably, there was a very hopeful position with another retail company. G had 3 or 4 interviews with them that all went very well. The position was management, salaried, had benefits and we could see it being a good thing for us. George was offered the job. Only the position was not what had been promised. It was a much lower management position; it had benefits, but no one would tell us what they were, how much they cost, or when they went into effect. Oh, and it wasn't a salary, it was an insultingly low hourly rate and he couldn't have another job to make up for the pay cut. All in all, the title of the job was better than what he had, but the income would be less and there was a lot about it that just wasn't right. It was very hard to turn it down (in addition, there was a lot of other outside relational junk going on that made this situation even harder). We felt very confused and discouraged about God's plan for us and what our future might hold. Things were getting very tough and we could see the bottom of the savings account in the not too distant future. Though disappointed, we doubled our job search efforts and tried to keep brave faces. To our cautious delight, one of the literally dozens of jobs applied for got back to G pretty quickly and the ball started rolling on the interview process.

One month, crazy international paperwork drama, several trips to South Austin, 3 interviews and one branch observation later....G was offered the job!! This one, he accepted. :) We are so, so thankful!!!! This job will provide for our family, has great career potential and insurance will kick in shortly after Cocoapuff arrives. For 23 months (longer, possibly) we have been asking God for a career job and He has given it!! WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

I have learned a few things from this struggle and process. The biggest thing I've learned is that I cannot know God's timing or reason for allowing/making us wait for things, but that's okay. I've learned to slow down and try to enjoy the wait. I realized that God really does have a plan for us. He has a plan when skies are blue and life is great and He has a plan when we are in the midst of storms and darkness. I have learned we can BOLDLY go to our God with our needs and requests and He really does care-we cannot expect too much of Him. I have learned that obedience and walking by faith can be scary, but it's also wonderful. We try to be wise and to make good decisions-sometimes though, that "wisdom" and "logic" is very earthly. I've learned that the answer is to simply trust in God and follow Him, one scared step at a time. I've learned when you do that, people think you're crazy (and other nasty things).

We want to be very clear that God is our provider, our rock and salvation, in all things and regardless of how we are coping with life's tough times. We trust Him with our eternity and we trust Him with our day to day needs and desires. This job, or any job, is certainly not The Answer. It is however, a wonderful way to receive God's provision and we are thrilled! Over and over again, God takes our impossibles and makes them possible. We are so, so blessed and more grateful than we can express.

Preparing, preparing!!

With all the uncertainty of job, living situation and finances, I have not been able to prepare for Cocoapuff as much as I thought I would have by now. Until this week! I have had a BLAST preparing for the little guy! :)

It started last week with some mega-coupons and JoAnn (saved a TON by printing coupons from their website...it was way better than the ones they send out in the mail). My mom and dad went with me so we could each use a coupon-and dad waited in the cutting line like a champ! Then, we went to Lowe's...that made up for dad having to suffer through JoAnn and got the needed supplies for refinishing Cocoapuff's crib!!

We bought a very simple crib early on with the intent of refinishing it for a custom look at a fraction of the price. I completely took over our apartment to tackle this project, but now the basic white crib is a rich "Molten Penny". I LOVE IT! Can't wait to see it assembled in his room with all the fabrics. :) I'm not sure how well the final color photographs because it's a metallic w/ shimmer...pics just don't do it justice. I am glad I didn't wait to refinish it 'til we were in the new place as being any bigger would not have worked! Excuse my yucky painting look.

Next, I started on my burp cloth stash!! One of the very few up sides to working at that bad place, was being exposed to lots of different products. One of the items I loved were the Bebe Au Lait burp cloths (Bebe Au Lait and Hooter Hiders are the same fancy company:). Unfortunately, they are expensive....$22 for 3 cloths!! I got a set at a massive discount so I could use it as inspiration. Then, I made my own version. I learned how to make bias tape and had a lot of fun figuring it out. I made 14 of my version for about $14! Boo-yah Bebe Au Lait! The big name one is on the left and mine is on the right.

Yesterday is where the real fun came in! My mom and I spent 6 hours working on Cocoapuff's bedding. I had sketched the design and written out what fabric went where, but when it came time to actually cut it, we certainly needed BOTH of our brains! Ha ha! Here is a little taste of the bumper pads.... BTW, I am aware that bumper pads are pretty controversial, and I have made an informed decision to use them. ;)

The bed skirt was a super fun project and ended up being a hybrid of several different paper patterns and online tutorials.

Here is a taste of the skirt...that rug won't be in the baby's room, but it looks kind of cool with it. :)

I am so thankful for a great sewing machine, for having been taught how to sew, for being able to prepare for my baby and I am most thankful for having such a great mom to do these things with!!

It's really fun to be pregnant as we approach Christmas. I think a lot about Mary and how she prepared for Jesus. I wonder what her swaddling cloths were like and what other things she did in anticipation for his arrival. Fun thought. And here is the 30 week bump. This little boy is getting BIG!

It finally happened...

Generally, I'm not a very fearful person. However, since I've been pregnant, I have been afraid of falling-I'm not sure why, but it's The Big Scary to me.

On Black Friday, we had an immigration appointment. The appointment went amazingly well-it was super fast and easy and COMPLETELY drama free. As we left the immigration center and headed to the car, it finally happened. I'm not sure what led to what, but before I knew it, in all my pregnant glory, I ate it!! I had slammed down on my knee and ended up on my butt half way on the sidewalk and halfway in the parking lot.

Thankfully, G was with me and I think even slowed the fall and thankfully, The Belly was safe and Cocoapuff is fine. My one pair of awesome Pea in the Pod maternity jeans on the other hand, ripped!! (And of course I got them on a great deal, so I can't replace them for what I paid.) I wasn't quite sure at one point if I was crying because I was scared of hurting Cocoapuff, because I was embarrassed, because my knee hurt or because I ruined my jeans!

So since it finally happened, I hope the fear of falling and the actual falling part is out of my system...I've reached my quota. I'm also hoping I can find a great Cyber Monday deal on some new maternity jeans.

Thanksgiving!!

I sure do love this time of year and I really love that we slow down and take a moment to just be thankful.

This is the first Thanksgiving since we were kids that all the siblings AND my dad will be here (he usually works on Thanksgiving). Aaaaand, it's the first time ever that all of us are together with our spouses. Wonderful!

This has been a VERY tough year for most of my family. There has been a lot of loss and heartache. There's been a lot of hurt (and when one of us hurts, many of us hurt right along with them). There has been a lot of painful waiting...and silence from our great God. There's been higher than usual amounts of stress on most of us. There's been struggling on many, many fronts. Frankly, it's been really hard.

Except for God. Because of Him, that's not the end of the story. Our God has come to us and blessed us in more ways than we can count, and maybe even more ways than we will ever know. He has and continues to bring healing to our hearts and to the hurt that lingers. He has a plan in the midst of all the waiting...sometimes He shares the plan, other times, not so much. Even in that though, we are not without hope, we are not without faith, and we are certainly not alone. He has reminded us to lean not on our own understanding and to keep giving our stress and our troubles back to Him. NONE of us has gone without needs! God continues to provide for us in BIG ways. He hears our prayers and answers us and He comes to us in our time of need. I am so thankful for that and I am so thankful that I am in a family that celebrates that as well.

God is so good to us. Happy Thanksgiving!

Joy Thieves

I go to a Bible Study at church on Thursdays and I've really been enjoying it. We have a lecture (which is always great!) and then break up into a small group for discussion. It's been a huge blessing to me and I want to share some of it.

Last week, a woman was sharing something her husband had just said to her. He told her, "Comparison is the thief of all joy." It got me to thinking about joy and how if I allow it to happen, it really can be stolen away. I will admit, while comparing "stuff" isn't a gigantic struggle for me, comparing character and what I think the related blessings are, is. For instance, I don't really covet people's specific jobs or salary, but I might look at someone and think, "That person doesn't even work half as hard as my husband does and/or he doesn't care about God at all and look at the great job he has." Doing that really steals the joy and diminishes the blessing I have in an amazing hard working husband. I do NOT want to do that!

This statement got me to thinking, what else do I allow to steal my joy? One area has been anxiety over pregnancy weight gain...yes, I'm serious. I was super freaking out about the weight gain (something everyone KNOWS is gonna happen and is healthy!!) and I really was letting it steal some of the joy of this amazing pregnancy. I'm working on giving it back to God anytime that anxiety creeps up and focusing on the joy of a healthy, smooth pregnancy.

Here is my huge one. People and my emotions toward them. I allow people and their asinine comments or actions to rain on my parade and steal my joy, not just once, but over and over again! You have probably gathered this about me. I don't want that to keep happening. I'm not going to let the joy of life in general, or big or small events be trampled or stolen either by people specifically or by my lack of control in my emotions towards those people. I am working on "...taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ." Some days, it's pretty easy, other days....not so much.

I am thankful for a great Bible Study.

The Thanksgiving cut...

In celebration of life, health and with Thanksgiving on the brain and in my heart, I made the cut! 11 inches to be exact. Sending my hair off to Pantene to be made into a wig for a cancer patient. Happy early Thanksgiving!! P.S. I hate self taken pictures.

Nieces & Nephews

My little sister and her hubby are embarking on a new adventure....Foster Parenting!!

Ryan and Tiffany

They got licensed today and could get placed at any moment! I will admit, when I first heard they wanted to do this I was worried for them and wondered how much they had thought this through and if they realized how hard this would be (but I didn't say any of that to her, just asked some pointed questions;). While love and concern made me think that way, it was kind of silly because we are all called to do hard things and that shouldn't slow us down from obedience. I'm sure people are thinking the same about us right now! I prayed for them and for this adventure and God has made it clear that this is what they are called to do. I am very proud of them and so excited for their faith walk and new adventure.

While George and I are not called to this same mission right now, we have a huge part to play-my whole family does, really. The children who will come in and out of my sister and brother in-law's home are going to be needy. They are most likely not from Christian homes and their time in foster care may be the only time in their lives that they have a real family and a Christ loving one at that! While Ryan and Tiffany will care for these kids full time, our family will be a much needed support system. We have the opportunity to make a BIG impact in the lives of these little ones!

I am excited to see what the future holds and am praying for my future "nieces and nephews" however many that is and however long they are in our lives! The holidays may be verrry interesting this year. ;)

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Birthday Boy!

Today is my hot husband's 30th Birthday!!

I am SO THANKFUL for him! He is so wonderful! He's loving, supportive, patient, kind, outgoing, funny, thoughtful, gorgeous, talented, smart, wise, humble, HARD WORKING, loyal, sweet and all around the best guy ever!! I am very, very blessed to be married to him and this baby is one fortunate guy to have George as his daddy!

I wanted today to be super special since 30 seems like a big deal, but as is usual for this man, he's working 13 hours today. No major gifts this year, and no time for a major celebration today, but it's a good day anyway. I'm filling it with all his favorites (to start, Chick-Fil-A for breakfast:) and making sure he knows just how awesome he is. Hopefully, we will get to REALLY celebrate soon! Happy 30th my Love!!

How exactly does this kid get out?

Last night was our first childbirth class. It was fun and funny. We made it a real date and followed it up with a hearty dessert!! (And btw, I found out yesterday that my glucose test was clear, no gestational diabetes...so we had to celebrate!)

The class was full of information and very relaxed, I am so glad we are taking it and look forward to the next 5 weeks.

Of course, there was a movie of an actual labor and delivery (on a GIGANTIC screen). I looked around and several of the dads in the class were hiding their faces! Thankfully, George was not one of them. He did comment afterwards that the husband sure did do a lot of work, he must have been tired. Ummmmm.....I'm just gonna leave that alone. The baby from the movie was 8lb 9oz and nearly everyone gasped or made comments about what a huge baby that was, I think some of those people are gonna be in for a huge surprise! lol!

The biggest thing G learned last night was that he will have to time contractions (I guess I forgot to mention that...oh yeah, and that we will stay home as long as possible, that was a surprise to him too)...they also told him how to do it. One step closer to being prepared.

We filled out a questionnaire with general info and had the opportunity to specify a topic we were most interested in having covered. Someone may or may not have said, "What do I do when the baby comes out?" So. Flippin. Funny. I didn't write that down.

We got to know some of the other couples in class and the topic of staying home with baby came up. One mom seemed kind of sad when I said I would and her husband made a joke about why they need her to work. I felt bad for her and blessed at the same time. Staying home to raise our baby is a conviction, a step of obedience and a sacrifice for us. One we think is well worth it. For now, everything seems to be lining up for us to continue with that plan. We are so thankful for a loving God who meets our needs and we pray that we will continue to be good stewards so we can follow through for the long haul.

Oh, and here is little dude at 27 weeks...

Happy November!!

I can't believe it's November already! I love November and we have a lot of big and fun things happening this month, most notably:

• George's 30th Birthday!!
• 3rd trimester starts. :)
• Unemployment hearing. :-/
• THANKSGIVING!!!!
• Gingerbread Lattes at Starbucks. Woot woot!!

I'm anxious about my hearing (which is Thursday!) but happy to get it over with. I think I am prepared as I can be.

I can't believe how fast this baby and his arrival are approaching. There's been another glitch in the whole living situation thing, but it will be okay. I'm not sure how, but I'm just givin' it back to God.

I'm excited for G's Birthday and hope we have more than just aging to celebrate! I want to make it a special day for him, even though it looks like he'll work all. day. long.

I love me some Thanksgiving!! I love that we spend sweet times together as a family, I love all the delicious food and I love that we slow down and recount God's goodness to us, especially in the midst of trials. This has been a tough year for a lot of my family members and I know many of us are looking forward to the encouragement and joy of Thanksgiving and to the dedicated time to thank God as we move forward.

And it's just Fall-ish and wonderful. We are really trying to slow down and take joy in the small things...things like a great cup of coffee on a chilly morning. Things like watching little birds and being reminded that God is caring for those little birds, how much more for us?

I post a lot about our worries or the hard things happening, it really helps me to process when I write it down and get it out. I don't want to give a one sided picture though, we are happy and very blessed in spite of our circumstances...I just don't need to "process" that as much. :)

Happy November!!

Great Expectations.

This week has been one of the most difficult weeks G and I have shared, spiritually speaking. We have some big decisions to make (and the clock is ticking) a lot of things to consider and not a lot of clear direction. I prayed and prayed that this exact situation we're in would not happen, and here we are.

I am exhausted and not handling this quite as well as I would like, I want to "give up" but I'm not even sure what that means. Partially, it's the whole pregnancy and intense emotions thing, and partially, this is just hard and it's not my turn anymore. I used to be Miss Take Charge-I had the answers, I had a plan & I would do it. Now, it's G's turn and I'm happy for him to take the lead. It doesn't exactly make it easy though.

I wish I could adequately share how amazing he is. I wish there were the right words to say to convey what a selfless, hard working, sacrificial husband he is. I am amazed and so, so thankful.

I heard back from unemployment this week. My appeal is coming up. I got a packet with all the stuff my employer said about me. It was creepy and full of lies. It made me feel trashed all over again and mad that people like them get away with crap and treating people so terribly. It also made me immensely thankful to be out of that place. I can't wait for this aspect of yuckiness to be over.

I keep going back to how and where God was leading us...especially to that place several months ago when we were excited for this adventure and pumped to see where it lead. The direction was simple: stop trusting in a job and start fully trusting in God. We didn't have a lot more than that, but we had confidence that our God would see us through. Some days, that is easier said than done. I feel like we are in that place of trusting God where somebody turned the lights out-we aren't sure which way is what or who is with us...it's just very dark.

I've been thinking a lot about our Cocoapuff's nursery. I had hoped we would get to have one and that I would be able to prepare it before he came. I have the paint, fabric, furniture and art picked out, and let me tell you, it's a great nursery! It might be time to shelf that dream for now. It makes me sad to do that and confused, since God has given me the talent and desire to make a beautiful home, but I guess I can make a pretty Master Bedroom/Nursery too. It's certainly not the end of the world and of course he'll be in our room in the beginning regardless, but dreaming and planning toward his place was a major bright spot for me. It will be a challenge since our bedroom is small, but we'll make it work.

We had some tough blows relationally not too long ago and a lot of the words that were spoken have come back to hurt all over again...especially in regards to some of those big decisions this week. I'm trying hard to give that back to God and focus on His truths for us, instead of other people's opinions, but it's hard. It also makes me very mindful of my words. The thing about words is, you can't unhear them or take them back. I want to be very careful not to dole out hurtful words that keep coming back, or words that aren't quite true. We've had a lot of broken promises lately, a lot of hopes set high because someone told us something that wasn't true. That hurts too, a lot. Words, they're tricky.

God is a complex fellow. We've been delving into His Word and trying to better understand His character and the depth of His involvement in our lives. I don't want Him in a box and I don't want to miss out on what He has for us. I'm confused about what that is though. I know He is great and can and will do great things. I also know that bad things happen to Christians and non-Christians alike. I really love the Psalms and the ongoing story of travail and triumph over and over again! Confidence in the unfailing God and an anguish that asks where He has gone. This is life. It was life then and is life now and the same truths remain.

I feel a lot like the Psalmist lately. Some days I am a total cheerleader for God's miracles and great love for us. I can go on and on about how huge He showed up in scripture and in the lives of people I know (and our life!). I can tell you with full conviction that He doesn't need the perfect job, economy, resume or interview, but that He WILL provide and in a BIG way. And other days, I am with the Psalmist in my utter despair, saying, "How long O Lord?" On those days I can think of all the bad things that happen to people who love God and are following Him. On those days I cry like the Psalmist as well, cry to God and just cry.

Despite my emotions, despite my circumstances, despite my bad days, despite how my heart aches for my husband in a way I didn't know was possible, despite how things looks on paper, I am not giving up-we are not giving up. We have GREAT expectations! We don't know what our life will look like tomorrow, or next week, or next year, but God does. And really, that's probably the best place to be. We are fully relying on God, some days by choice and some days because He's all we've got. We love our God, even when we don't understand Him and we are truly thankful for His provision and blessings on us.

I've tried to just focus on posting good or happy or surface things, cause the deep stuff hurts. There's not a lot to share that fits in that first category right now. It's been a hard week. I am really struggling to keep my emotions in check and to keep trusting our great God. I feel like I'm being toyed with and I'm lonely. Still hoping and praying for change....

Extreme Couponing??

I've been hearing a lot about this extreme couponing thing and I would love to save money anywhere I can, so I finally caught an episode at my mom's house. Ummmm.....what?! That show is insane and I was totally in shock (I know, I'm way behind in figuring this out). Aside from the fact that there is some serious hoarding going on, no one seems to be buying ANYTHING fresh (since there aren't coupons for the great healthy things that are grown or raised on a farm)! They buy a lot of junk, like tons of soda, candy bars and unrecognizable preservative laden stuff or just empty carbs, because it has a coupon. There don't even seem to be coupons for the semi-healthy shelf stable stuff. On top of that, these people are getting money BACK from their grocery stores-that just won't work in our area, I checked! So I'll keep using coupons when I can and shopping the sales, but I will never be an extreme couponer.

What I might be though, is an extreme shopper! I love finding great deals on high quality items that I love. My very first credit card was a Banana Republic store card-I got it on my 18th Birthday. It had a low limit and could only be used at the Gap family stores. Over the years, it somehow morphed into a Visa card and the limit got higher and higher. The perk is that I still get awesome reward coupons for the money we spend, so we use it as our family card. This month, we got a reward and I was determined to make it stretch as far as possible. I checked out Old Navy and the Banana Republic and Gap factory stores, but there was nothing that I really loved for any of us. Lucky for me, there is a mall on the way home from Bible Study, so I hit up BabyGap (side note:I love BabyGap- their clothes hold up so well to washing and wearing and the retail stores seem to always have a great sale or promo going on). Total score! They were having a sale on their sale items! I got a whole bag of cute things for Cocoapuff! The original retail price for all of it was $119, they were on sale, then an additional discount was taken off, then I applied my "reward" for a grand total of $0.44! Pretty cool, huh? I may not be able to do that at the grocery store, but I'll take what I can get! Here are a few of my favorites... The mushrooms are too darn cute! I got the matching hat for this one...the hat is bigger than the outfit, just in case he has a big ol' head like his Uncle. ;)

My little Cocoapuff is gonna be so stinkin' cute wearing that!!

In other much more important news: Immigration is SENT!!!! It is out of my hands and out of my house. I feel like a weight has been lifted and am confident in the paperwork we sent. Hopefully there are no bumps in the road and everything will be processed smoothly.

Pregnant and loving it!

I love being pregnant!

I think God is so cool that He came up with this whole pregnancy thing and I am having so much fun with it! Here are some of my favorite pregnancy things...

Sleep! I have always been someone who takes a loooong time to fall asleep and then would toss and turn a lot and get woken up easily. Not anymore! I sleep like a rock! So much so, that I am just a little bit concerned about this becoming a habit and not being able to wake up with Cocoapuff. My mom assures me that won't happen. :)

Hair. Though my hair still doesn't do quite what I want it to do, it seems a lot thicker and looks better after styling longer than it did before. Who doesn't want that? So glamorous!

The belly. I'm diggin' the belly! It makes getting dressed so much more fun because you can show off your belly instead of always trying to make it look smaller.

Eating. As you know, I'm all about healthy/clean/organic eating and try to eat that way as much as possible-even before pregnancy. But NOW it's just so much more fun! I think about what foods I eat helps Cocoapuff grow and what he "likes"-so far, I much prefer salty foods rather than sweets. Maybe he's gearing up for football Sundays with the guys? The other great food side effect is that I can say, "I think Cocoapuff really want this." and POW! I get it. I try not to abuse that power. George on the other hand tries to use it as much as possible, but no matter what he says, Cocoapuff still does not want a fast food burger. Sorry Babe.

Movement. Feeling Cocoapuff move is the most amazing thing. George asked me one day if he's playing. Good question, but try not to ponder that too much. He has started moving in response to music (so far he like Jesus music and College Indie the most-funny, me too!) which I think is so cool. He seems to stick his butt out at night and that cracks me up...based on his family, this could be him practicing his editorial comments...yep, he's ahead of the curve.

So I say all that to say that this is great and I'm glad that in the midst of job, financial and immigration stress, that we have this precious baby to look forward to. I want to keep enjoying every moment and miss anything by being in a rush.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:13-18

23 weeks, etc.

23 weeks! I can't believe how quickly time seems to be passing! I'm also happy that we have 17 more weeks to prepare for our little guy. In Cocoapuff development this week, he is growing nipples! How nice, he might look a little odd without them. :) And here's a bump update. Keep on cookin' baby!

I get to send immigration paperwork next week. Instead of feeling terrified that something bad will happen or that I'm gonna mess things up, I am feeling excited to reach this milestone and to be able to move forward! I still lay awake at night thinking of the immigration to-dos and make sure I haven't forgotten anything, but things are much more chill.

I made Cocoapuff a stuffed elephant out of Ghana fabric. Much to my surprise, it's cute! I'm excited to have time to brush up on my sewing skills. However, this pregnant thing is messing with my left brain-right brain communication. I can no longer sew by pressing buttons, I must have the pedal. I feel like such a dork!

The weather here has been really tough lately-extreme heat and drought and terrible fires. This weekend, it RAINED!!! Rain is so encouraging to me! There is a pond by our apartment that has been completely dried up for months-like cracked dirt, desert looking dried up. It made me sad every time I saw it. Now, the pond is full again! I feel so encouraged when I see it, like it somehow means we're gonna get filled up too.

Once upon a time...

G and I have been reminiscing a lot lately about when we first met and "the early days" of our relationship.

I told him all over again about when I first set eyes on him back in 2006 in Akatsi. I wanted to marry him-maybe even knew that I would. That still makes him feel pretty good about himself. :) I had no idea what would lie ahead, but even if I did, I wouldn't change anything.

We laughed at remembering the first time I took a tro-tro from Hohoe to Ho to see him-ALL BY MYSELF! For some reason, it was kind of a big deal for me. I learned for the first time though, that G's mom loving chastised him for letting me do that, which is why I didn't travel much alone beyond then. Haha!

We really laughed about the time that I had malaria and his mom gave me Martin's Liver Salts, as though it were just indigestion. For some reason that remedy didn't work.

We still feel a little bit sad when we think of the hard goodbyes we said. But we are joyful all over again when we remember his dramatic entrance to the US and how I waited and waited at the airport because I was not. leaving. without. him.

We are glad that though there were so, SO many people who had issues with my going to Ghana in the first place, that I held on to my convictions and that God made a way for us. He made a way for us then, He's made a way for us all throughout our relationship and He's making a way for us now.

What a story. We love remembering the good times...and the bad. I love that we will share this story with our kids. I love our life, even on the hard days (or maybe especially on the hard days, it seems that's when love is really put to the test) and I love that the moments we are living now will unravel into something great as well.

Deeeeeep breaths...

As you may remember, George's visa is conditional, based on our relationship and it's legitimacy. This month, we file to remove the conditions. That entails some basic paperwork, more money than I think is reasonable for someone to review the case (some biometrics at some point), and as much proof as possible that we really and truly are a loving couple and not visa fraudsters.

Well, anyone who knows us can plainly see that our relationship has absolutely nothing to do with immigration. We are in this together, forever, regardless of the country we live in or the paperwork we have to submit.

It seems so simple and non-emotional when put that way. Where was this logic at midnight last week?

Here's the kicker. We're dealing with the government. There are no rules or outlines as to how much proof is enough. And besides, how do you prove you love someone on a piece of paper? Co-mingling of property and money isn't exactly something you do because you love someone and have a legit relationship-it just happens...or doesn't on the more complicated things. Living together in and of itself doesn't prove love. A life insurance policy can be cancelled at any moment. Seriously, all these hoops and paperwork formalities don't prove a legit relationship.

It's hard to quantify things like, I will stick by his side no. matter. what. How can you notarize that he is still patient and loving even if I cry everyday over ridiculous things? (btw, it's not really everyday, it just seems that way sometimes) How do you have certified paperwork that includes things like I pick up his favorite cookies whenever I can? How can you prove you go visit someone for lunch, just because you love them and missed them over the last 5 hours? You can't easily quantify that you listen quietly to some of the most annoying "gospel" music ever because he loves it and it reminds him of home. We don't have any pictures of G surprising me by doing chores around the house or making the bed upside down. I have no documents that can attest to the fact that on most nights, when we go to bed, it takes us hours to actually go to sleep because we are talking about the day, praying for and dreaming of the future and laughing about all sorts of silly things. Those things don't transfer very well to government accepted documents.

While all of that was going through my mind, I was also thinking about all the documents we can send, and how some don't seem to be working out very well. I was thinking about how all of this is my responsibility and that if something is wrong, it's all my fault. I was thinking about how hard it was to be apart and how it might kill me to do again. I was freaking out about all the what ifs...what ifs that I will barely let myself think all the way through. And in a hormonal explosion, it all came tumbling out! I am scared.

And my sweet, sweet husband was my rock again and spent a lot of time talking me down even though he was exhausted. He asked me the hard "what if" questions, helped me work on a game plan and helped me realize that everything will be okay. I believe him.

Immigration is not fun. However, we will get through it. I'm so glad I have my man by my side!

My Baby Boy

We are just so in love with our little half cooked baby! We think about him all the time and imagine what life will be like when he is here.

Recently, he has become very active! We can both feel him wiggling around now and when he's super spunky, you can see my belly moving with him. He gets more active than usual (and in my opinion, seems to especially love it) when we read the Bible out loud-I love that!

I've never been a huge meat eater, but recently, I have an even smaller desire for meat. Maybe this baby will be a vegetarian? Haha, just kidding....my brothers would die!

I embellished a newborn size onesie with little guy's initial (Yes, we know his name! No, we aren't sharing!) it was waaaaaay harder than a 12 month onesie! Those things are tiny! Even though the tiny baby shirt isn't completely fabulous, it makes me smile every time I look at it...our cute son will wear it!

We think (but especially me, since I think too much) a lot about who this baby will be and what his life will be like. We pray for him often and pray for our parenting as well. I don't really care what our son does as a profession when he is grown, I'm not one of those people who thinks, "My son, the Dr...the lawyer...the CEO." What I do care about, a LOT, is his character and that is something that we have the power (with God's help and guidance) to shape and mold in him. Of course I want him to love the Lord, but there's more to it than that. I want him to ask hard questions and seek out the answers. I want him to be strong and tender hearted at the same time. I want him to be honest with himself and others. I want him to stand up for what he believes in and stand up for others as well. I want him to be a leader who doesn't trample or belittle. I want him to seek what God has for him and do it, regardless of the cost or what other people think about him. I want him to forgive and to ask forgiveness quickly. I want him to be creative and to use the gifts God has given him. I want him to love God's Word and hide it in his heart. I want him to marvel at God's creation. I want him to be content and to take great joy in the little things. I want him to be outgoing, without being self seeking or a story-topper. I want him to love his family dearly. I want him to be driven and hardworking, without being a workaholic. I want him to strive to do all things with excellence. I want him to be funny and to enjoy this wonderful life.

That's a lot, it may even seem like too much to put on a little baby who isn't even born yet. I don't think so though. His dad, his uncles and his Pops have these character qualities (I said them because they are men, but he's got some pretty kickin' women in his life too!)...he will have a lot of role models who love him and help us shepherd him. What a wonderful blessing!

Keep Calm & Carry On

There has been SO MUCH emotional energy flowing over the past several weeks that I might have just used up all of my emotions! I'm very much in a keep calm and carry on place.

Yesterday, I had a tough conversation with a friend. A conversation that left me feeling hurt and judged and just sad. This isn't the first time this has happened, but I had been protecting George's feelings before, so this was the first time I told him about it. And I told him aaallllll about it. He was, well, mad? hurt? I'm not sure exactly how to quantify it, but he was certainly fired up and more affected by it than I thought he would be. As we sat together holding hands and discussing what had happened, it dawned on me- we are okay. And we're going to be okay! While people's opinions and judgements hurt, they aren't necessarily true and they don't determine the future. We're not sure about the purpose of "community" since my preferred method of isolation during tough times seems prevent a lot of heartache, but we are okay nonetheless.

We know that in this moment, we are where we're supposed to be. No one else can know that but us-no one else is hearing the same thing from God and walking in our shoes, down our path. Our tough spot is not a result of a bad resume or poor interviewing skills, or any other man made, man fixable issue. I don't know why we are here, but we are. I also know, God is still listening and He is doing something!

I am constantly amazed as I read about the development of our baby and as I feel him kick and move around. Our great God came up with this! It's completely mind blowing! That is one HUGE and amazing God! Needing a job and a place to live and way to pay for medical care is a man-sized problem. God can handle it and it's not wrong of me to expect Him to do so.

I told G last night that sometimes I just want to hide out with our baby. He laughed and asked if he would come home and find me in the laundry room. That's not what I mean though-I haven't quite entered crazyville. I mean, I'm so happy to have this baby and I love him so much and he hasn't had any disappointments yet. No one has hurt his heart. "The Church" has not let him down, he has not felt the crush of God's silence. That won't last long and I want to savor it and rest in knowing that for now, he is safe from all the crap that gets hurled our way. That probably sounds silly to some of you, but it's how I feel.

Bumps in the road...

This week has started off tough (again!) but already seems to be taking a turn for the better.

I found out yesterday that I am being denied my unemployment rights. That was shocking and very upsetting to me, since obviously that money would be helpful and much needed right now. I didn't find out the reason until today. Get this- insubordination. Yes, you read that right, not signing an erroneous document (and might I mention illegal in areas) was in direct 'disobedience' to my supervisor. Blah, blah! That was NOT a fun thing to hear....this company seems to be able to keep taking pot shots at me and it kind of hurts. Things aren't over yet though....

There have been lots of little things that have been adding up to be big things and that always sucks. Lots of little bumps in the road.

Thankfully, God has put me in a great family! My husband is always so strong and so full of faith, especially when I am not. My dad seems to have the uncanny ability to know exactly when I'm having a REEEALLY hard time and always calls me at that exact moment. He won't let me stay isolated or cry alone. My mom is always there for me to text, talk or to let me come to her office and just be. And then there's my sister, if you've known me (or read this blog) for a long time you know we have had our struggles. God has grown us so much recently and it has been such a blessing. Last night, as I settled in for a night of quiet, possibly sad contemplation, I heard a knock on my door. I thought, "Oh great! Who is that?!" and snuck to the door quietly to peer through the peep-hole. Tiffany was standing there with the biggest Decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte I have ever seen! We cried a little, but then we laughed and talked and ate and laughed some more. There are several more sweet friends who are daily on their knees praying for us- they send us e-mails and texts with verses or details about how they pray. They contact people they know about jobs. And sometimes, they leave beer and burgers on our porch. I am thankful for this network of friends and family.

Not all bumps are bad bumps though! This one is by far my favorite!

We love our Cocoapuff so, so much! We are so blessed that God is growing him into our family and giving us this great, great joy! Things are looking up...

Happy Day!

Yesterday was our "Super Sono" or Anatomy Scan as the medical types like to say. It was such a huge blessing and delight for us to see our baby in the midst of this tough, tough week.

Everything checks out great! Cocoapuff is on target in growth and completely average-nothing out of the ordinary. We were so happy to hear that and then to find out that our baby is a BOY!! G is the only person who thought he was boy and he's glad that he was right! While I thought it was a girl, I was thrilled to learn he is a boy and have completely switched my thinking to 100% boy! We love our little Cocoapuff so much and it's so fun to be able think of him as our son!

Pondering...

This has been a very hard week for me. Writing is good for me, it helps me clear my mind and articulate my thoughts, but posting isn't always good for me...we'll see how this one ends up.

I have been waiting and praying and waiting and praying. I am trusting God for His provision and reminding Him of our obedience and His own character. God hasn't shown up yet in ways we can see, but that doesn't mean He isn't moving.

Today, I seriously swallowed my pride and went to a clinic/Dr. group that takes all patients, regardless of their health insurance status. They have a sliding pay scale based on income. I LOVE my current Dr. but felt like under the circumstances, my preference was not important and I just need to have good care for Cocoapuff. This was very difficult for me because of the stigma our culture has on uninsured people. I tried to stay optimistic though and hoped for the best, I saw this as an opportunity for God to provide. I walked into the waiting room and my heart sank. It was a huge, cold, unfriendly waiting room full of desperate faces. Though this group takes insured people as well, in reality, it's a clearinghouse for the down and out. My heart broke for the people I saw, and a little for myself too. The staff was not friendly or warm, there were signs posted as if all the patients were idiots, and it seemed like a cattle call. I watched a desperate woman try to get care for her daughter while she waited for Medicaid to come through. She told the office girl that she had no money to pay, but that she was applying for sooo many jobs, "Really, I've applied for so many jobs!" It took all I had not to burst into tears. I have been thinking of her a lot lately. My health questionnaire had a lot more questions on it than normal ones do, a lot about lifestyle (and baaaad choices) I felt humiliated and judged, but I kept my sweet little baby in mind. I was finally called by a not quite friendly lady who talked way too fast and ushered into a tiny, hot office. She asked me tons of questions and looked at recent pay stubs. In the end, I was told we are not eligible for any help and make too much money for a discount, regardless of the fact that two of the jobs represented are now gone. I was then told that I could see a strange Dr. and pay approximately $300 for said Dr. to confirm I am pregnant. I said no thanks and left. I'm not sure what the purpose of today's little outing was. I felt like I was doing my part to do what will be best for us now and in the future, both health wise and financially...it didn't work. Then again, waiting on God hasn't been so great either.

I'm very confused, I'm kind of upset and I'm a little worried about what our future holds.

I visited with a concerned friend this morning. She asked me questions like, what do I expect God's provision to look like? She encouraged me to keep on keeping on and to trust in our great God.

It got me to thinking. When things get really hard, I get quiet and I retreat. I don't want to talk to people and I don't want to be too open about how hard things really are. So that leaves people worried about us and wondering what's up. So maybe I'll share a little more.

Things are hard. Really, really hard. I have a lot of questions for God and He isn't answering me.

I'm a little upset that obeying God and following what we believe His plans are for us has at this point left us worse off than when we were goin' at it ourselves. That seems totally messed up to me! On the flip side, I know we aren't seeing everything. How do you live an abundant life without abundance? I'm working on that.

Are we ALWAYS going to struggle in this way? Is this a season or do I need to get used to this whole poor thing?

My husband works so hard and he's so amazing and has so much to offer. I want the best for him and the best job for him. Doesn't God see those things too?

I wish I were more naive. I have seen a lot to be as young as I am. I don't have the fresh faith that says, "Everything will be totally fine, God is BIG." I know it doesn't always work out that way, even though God is big. This past year I watched a dear and faithful, obedient missionary family suffer through months of treatment as they cried out to God for healing and then watched their little boy die. Everything was not totally fine, and sometimes, that's just how it is. God wasn't wrong to allow that to happen and didn't promise them (or anyone else) that their children would live 'til their 80s. But it sucks and it's hard and it's a suffering that will never go away for them. Why does that happen?

When I look back over this year, I know we have made the right decisions. I know George is faithfully working hard and looking for a job. I know Cocoapuff is in God's timing. I know that at some level this is where we are supposed to be. I still don't get the whole job and insurance thing though...I'm thinking the lillies of the field are one upping us at the moment.

I thought I was strong, I strive to be strong. I am not.

I love my husband so much and I'm so thankful we are together and that we are in this together. For the record, we are doing great as a couple.

Things seem to get worse everyday...I rarely get any encouragement. That makes it hard to be optimistic. However, we are still not desperate and we are still not without hope.

I love God and I know He loves us too. I am blessed by what we do have, overjoyed by the family He has placed me in and given me and glad that we do not walk alone. However, I sure am confused by Him lately!

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

Ups and downs

Yesterday was a hard day for me. It seemed like every little trouble and worry we have, plus those big ones (you know, like a job and health insurance) were bearing down on me. Add in the whole pregnant thing and there were definitely tears! As usual, my husband and parents were great sources of encouragement. Though nothing has really changed, today is a better day. I am remembering and trusting in God's promises. I'm also praying that things don't get any worse before they get better!

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

Something happened...

Yesterday G found out that the job he makes the most doing and works the most hours will be closing his store. He's been given two weeks notice.

This is obviously not an easy pill to swallow. G is very concerned about our family and how he will provide for us. This news came as a serious surprise. When I found out, I wasn't too upset. I have great faith that God has an amazing plan for us and that He is going to show up soon.

That was yesterday, today is different (in comes rant). I shared this news with some people and asked for prayer. I asked for prayer only- not advice, not help, not opinions, just prayer. Sometimes people don't seem to get that all you need to do is say, "I'm here, I'm praying and God is big." That's all I want!! Instead, what I've been getting from some people are stupid suggestions that don't help us, that don't show much hope for our situation or even suggest that my husband can do or is worth having a really great job. That really hurts my feelings...and it kind of makes me mad.

We are open to what God has for us (Obviously! We're pregnant and will be living off of one part time retail job because we're "trusting"!!). But lame-a** jobs that are worse than what we currently have, make it impossible to have a real family life and have NO career growth indicate a level of desperation that we don't have. We aren't desperate because we have God. And yes, contrary to popular belief, we know how to use job searches, we know all the major companies in the area, we search constantly and we've tried it all!! Furthermore, just because X employer floods your e-mail box with their open jobs doesn't mean they are good jobs or that they are really hiring-I have a whole list of companies that fit on that list!

I don't know what we're going to do. I do know that this is not a surprise to God. Please, please pray for us!! And beware, if you give me any stupid suggestions like, "Has he tried that gas station 45 miles away? They are hiring for a night position...I think it's $8 an hour" I might just hurt you!

All sorts of things...

It's time for a Cocoapuff update and a life in general update.

Cocoapuff has "popped" as they say and I'm now sporting a little baby belly. None of my sized clothes fit-none, so I am officially into maternity clothes, even though they are a little big. Now of course I'm excited about this because it means our baby is growing and my maternity clothes are super adorable. George, on the other hand is ecstatic about the baby bump!! He enjoys pointing out how "huge" my stomach is. He LOVES to see that our baby is growing and is so excited about every little change. He tells me all the time how much he loves watching my belly grow and how fun it is when your wife is pregnant-it is truly sweet!

Now that I'm not working full time, I have gotten back to the gym regularly and I love it! I just feel better about the day when I've gone to work out, and if I reeeeally want to eat something that maybe isn't 100% healthy, I feel better about that too.

The break in the heat is a VERY welcome surprise! It only got to about 90 today and it was wonderful! I went on a long walk, opened the windows in our apartment and really enjoyed cleaning with the breeze coming in. I can't wait for Fall!!

These fires are INSANE! I feel like all of Central TX is on fire! I feel bad for the misplaced families and for the hard working firefighters. One day, I hope I can have a big house and host people who need a place to stay.

I'm really hoping that I don't have to postpone our sonogram due to the whole insurance thing...I want to know who this baby is! There are no updates on insurance coverage or jobs, but we're still keeping the faith.

Even though things aren't perfect and we certainly have some needs right now, I am really loving life! So thankful for my man and my family!!

Bye-bye health insurance!

I wasn't quite sure how long our health insurance would last. I'm sure now! We got the notification today that it ended yesterday.

Perfect timing, considering we have not only our regular prenatal appointment this month, but the much anticipated 20 week ultrasound as well!

I'm not worried...yet. Hopefully I won't get that way either.

We do however, need to figure out what the next step is. We can wait for COBRA info, hoping it's available to us and not toooo exorbitant; we can choose one of the VERY few and not great private insurance plans that includes maternity coverage; or door number three-that's God's mystery door. As of this moment, I have no clue.

Again, we know this is not a surprise to God. Please pray for wisdom and clear direction.

Update: Private health plan is a no go. We're down to hoping and waiting for COBRA and/or God's mystery door....

Now that I'm fired, I have more time to blog.

I'm a thinker. I mull over things a lot and just think about things. Things I have observed, people I know, hopes for the future.. Whatever, but I'm always thinking. Now that I don't have a job, I have a little more time to post about what I'm thinking. Here is some of what circles around in my mind.

One thing I have never liked about the Christians I see a lot (and have known) is the whole yuppy thing. Their lives have been completely self created and God fits in a box on Sunday mornings. I have NEVER wanted a life like that! Lucky me, I got what I wanted...on my knees DAILY because only God can help us now! In all seriousness though, that's how I want it to be. People may think we are crazy for just "trusting in Him" and having a baby while in the midst of job issues and not really knowing where we'll live when baby comes, blah, blah, blah, but I don't want a self-created life...it's why I have a relationship with the Creator. I have every confidence that we're going to be okay and our God is going to take care of us.

There's a difference between suffering and going through hard things and b*tching and moaning about EVERYTHING "...for the sake of the cross." I used to know someone who whined about absolutely EVERYTHING-I'm not even exaggerating and she would always add the tag line that whatever she was going through was "...suuuuuch a sanctification process." Seriously. Cleaning her huge, gorgeous house was a sanctification process, taking care of her children was a sanctification process, getting the oil changed on her new car was a sanctification process. You get the point. I really don't want to be that person (but of course, we all have our days!). It got me to thinking; if everything in your life-including the amazing blessings is something to complain about, what does that say about how great you are and sucky God must be doing at His job? Furthermore, when things are truly hard, why can't we just say so? I always left conversations with this woman feeling kinda slimed and down and it really damaged the whole Christian witness thing. I DO NOT want to be like that! Sometimes, I catch myself mid-conversation and have to back track like crazy!

Also, let me just say how extremely blessed and overjoyed I am that God answered my prayers and removed me from that awful, awful job! I am just in awe and am so grateful everyday. I am happy, I feel like Cocoapuff and I are healthier and I'm full of faith. I will admit that I thought the answer to our prayers would be more along the lines of G getting a job and me resigning, but I'll take this too! God answered us and He is moving! As for how insurance is going to work out, that's just a detail and I know God's got it covered.

Nice try, still not shaken...

I'm still processing what happened yesterday, but I wanted to share and ask for more prayers!! We see God moving in BIG ways and we're asking Him for more!!!

So here's the deal. I had a meeting with my boss yesterday. I was asked to sign a document that was highly subjective and would make it where I was written up for just about everything. When I say just about everything, that includes having to asking a manager (who may or may not be found since they leave for hours on end) permission to use the employee bathroom. If I left the sales floor to go to the employee bathroom without permission, that would be a write up. I was also to promise to "be more productive" which could mean anything, literally anything. In addition, even after telling them that I'm pregnant, I was informed I'd be written up for using anymore of MY sick time (sick time which has no rules, btw). I saw this document as discriminatory and as trap to write me up tons of times and then fire me with a paper trail. I wouldn't sign it. So he fired me.

You might think this, combined with the job rejection for G on Monday could send us spiraling in to the depths of despair. Nope. Our God is BIG! He is doing BIG things. We don't know what the next few weeks and months will hold, what we do know is that God is watching, listening and loving us through all of it. Our friends and family have really rallied around us and are constantly supporting us. My dad told me this week that "Family was designed to help us see God when circumstances make it hard otherwise. Loved ones, by the Spirit's prompting, become the fingerprints of the hard to see God." I agree! Here are some of those fingerprints they have shared with us...

Matthew 6:34, Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

John 16:33, "In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. - Isaiah 40:28

‎1 Corinthians 13:12 tells us that now we see things dimly, as in a mirror, but someday we will see clearly and understand how God answered our prayers.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight* Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalm 66 19 but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. 20 Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. Psalm 20:7-8

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11

We've been reminded of Joseph and how even his slavery had a GREAT purpose. We've been reminded of Moses and his arms being supported by his friends so that the battle would be won.

We may have just lost an income, but we are RICH! Thank you to everyone who is loving and praying and supporting us through this-keep it up! We believe our God is great, we believe He has a plan for us!

Please pray specifically for wisdom and clear direction over the next few weeks. We have a lot to sort through and some big decisions to make. And of course, we keep praying for THE JOB for George. :)