The Least of These

I recently mentioned in a casual conversation to a friend that I was on Medicaid when Makafui was born.

You probably didn't know that about me.

I probably purposefully didn't mention it.

I lost my job and insurance when I was about half was through my pregnancy. It was not an easy time. Making the decision to accept/apply for/go on Medicaid was very hard for me. My company didn't offer COBRA and no private insurance will accept a pregnant chick. I searched and searched and prayed and prayed...Medicaid was my absolute last option. I felt like God didn't come through for me because I went on government assistance. Times were tough.

Aside from feeling like the government came to my aid instead of God, Medicaid was hard for me for other reasons. For starters, the stigma! The mean and hurtful things people say about Medicaid recipients, the type of care you get and because of how you are treated when that's the insurance card you have. People instantly treat you differently and the mention of Medicaid (to the upper-middle class) is like saying you have leprosy.

Even though we had Medicaid, my Dr. didn't take it, so it covered the hospital, but we still paid cash for the Dr. and for ultrasounds. (I'm still not sure if that was the best or worst of both worlds.;)

As an American/Westerner I have never been, nor will I ever be one of 'the least of these'...in a global perspective, that is. But in my culture, I became just that.

People on Medicaid...welfare moms are treated like trash. People assume a lot of really terrible things about us, and they verbalize a lot of those things. That has a lot to do with why I didn't share our Medicaid situation at the time.

I witnessed some really sad things waiting at the Health & Human Services office and at a clinic primarily for Medicaid peeps (which is why we stuck with our Doc and found a way to pay for it).

My eyes were open, my heart was broken.

My heart was not broken for me, my heart was broken for my fellow mothers. For women who were doing all they could for their children and it still wasn't enough. For women who had to take the care they could get through Medicaid, not able to choose their providers. For women who saw no end in sight.

I don't know if I wasn't paying attention before I became a "welfare mom" or if things happened to heat up at the same time, but I heard countless comments from friends, relatives, healthcare providers and strangers alike about people like me...only they didn't know I was one of them. The general consensus is that if you are on any sort of government assistance that you are lazy, you have questionable morals, you are somehow stealing these benefits from hard working Americans, you do drugs, and much more.

Let me tell you, hearing those things hurts. Hearing those things also opened my eyes.

How often do we make a passing comment without really thinking about the ramifications of it? How are we treating 'the least of these' with our words, with our lack of action when others mistreat them?

I'm not gonna lie, I was DELIGHTED to write the letter stating we were no longer eligible for Medicaid. And I am beyond grateful every time we go to the Dr. and I pull out our insurance card. Medicaid is NOT wonderful.

I have a different reaction now though, when I happen to see someone else with a Medicaid card, or when the single mom in front of me at the grocery store pulls out her food stamp card.

It's compassion. It's heartache. It's prayer.

The events of the last few years, but the Medicaid thing in particular really taught me a lot. Boiled down, I learned to choose compassion first and leave the judgment up to God.