Loss, Life and Love

My Aunt went to be with Jesus yesterday. She was just 40 years old. While there is comfort knowing she was a Crist follower and is with him, my heart still breaks for her husband, daughter and other family members left behind. Please continue to pray for them as they walk this unimaginable road.

In my entire life before marriage, I only lost one person close to me. My grandpa died when I was about 8. I was sad, but I'm sorry to say that he hadn't been a big part of my life, so I moved on fairly quickly.

In the three years George and I have been married, we have lost 6 people close to us. Death. Sucks. There's really no other way to put it. And grief is a weird thing; when it's not at the forefront of your mind, it's crouching in the corner, waiting for a vulnerable moment.

When I was pregnant with Makafui, at about 16 weeks, around the same gestation my to-be-born niece or nephew left us, I was completely overcome by grief and fear and heartache at the loss of that precious one. No one ever met that child, but I miss them nonetheless. I miss what they could've been. I mourn their loss, deeply and when I least expect it.

For the people lost after years of knowing them, I catch myself thinking about them, talking about them, wondering if they will be at Easter lunch...and then I remember. Grief, it's sneaky.

This most recent loss has yet again reminded me just how short life is, how precious it is. I've been mindful of that in relation to Makafui's life, how fleeting these moments are. But not about my own, I've never really considered anything happening to me.

But I should. I should make sure that if something does happen to me that I have done what I could to help my family afterward. I need to make sure we have a Will and that my Life Insurance plan is as comprehensive as I remember. I need to also be faithful to do what I can to prevent those things. I need not to put off going to the Dr., paying attention to my body and taking care of myself. It's easy as a mom, or even just someone who is busy, to put off those important things. I encourage my friends, family and random readers to do the same.

I don't think I will ever know (while on this earth) why God lets such terrible and heartbreaking things happen to His people. I just won't. Mostly, I'm okay with that. What I do know, is that even though we don't understand it, our God is still great. He is still involved in our lives, He still shows up for us, even when we don't see it and He loves us more than we can ever know. More than the people we are missing, more than the people we hold in our arms.

I want to love and live big...life is too short not to.