Finding my place.

I've had trouble sleeping lately, thus, even more time to think about life. I often find myself conflicted and searching hard to find my place in life. I've decided though, that most thinking people struggle with this and though I may have the bi-continental aspect that some don't; we're all searching for something and most of us want to be doing what we were created to do. That's only a semi-comforting thought though.

With immigration up in the air, it takes away the simplicity and comfort of knowing what life will be like. The flip side is that it keeps things interesting...interesting is overrated. It's amazing how comforting (yet, possibly dangerous) having a plan, that works, can be. I know many people who literally have a 5 year plan (or longer!) and are actually sticking to the plan. I seriously cannot even imagine! I don't know what my life will look like in 5 months, let alone 5 years!

Life in Ghana is simple and wonderful-in my opinion. People don't expect you to have a five year plan, for one thing. More importantly, I am able to do so much to help people with so little. I can impact people's lives to the glory of God with nearly nothing. I can see amazing things happen on a regular basis. Christianity is socially acceptable and the people are warm and hospitable. It's awesome! It can also be very hard though. It's hard to see people living in poverty. It's hard to see children caned or beaten. It's hard to know of people dying from preventable illness. But it's also exhilarating to know you can do something about it! The dangerous side is that 'do-good high' that comes with all the wonderful do-gooding. Who's really getting the glory and what is the motive? What happens when you can't help someone? It's hard, but so easy, all at the same time.

Life in America is complicated and wonderful as well. I think my 'wonderful' has to do with my family though. The pressure put on people here-especially women to "do it all" can be crushing! There is so much input from all sides to be or do the unattainable. Christianity is not socially acceptable and people are not always warm and hospitable. It takes so much of what you make to even pay all the bills, that there is hardly any left to help people with...that's where the guilt creeps in. And...aaaannnd(!) there are those stinkin' Michael Kors stores begging you to come in and buy the beautiful things!! Consumerism...yuck! It's everywhere, but especially in America. Life is hard here. It's hard to be outspoken about your faith, it's hard to help people, and when you do, even the church criticizes how it was done. Life here is just complicated.

And do you know what? Here is my problem...I want both!! I love Ghana and living in Ghana. But I love America, too. I do want it all. I don't want to be living my life by default, I want to be purposeful and I want to love it. There's not a lot of loving-my-life going on right now, but I hope and pray that will change soon. In the mean time, I'm searching for my place, longing for joy and peace.