Details!!!

For those of you eager to know how all of this went down and what happens next, read on!

Yesterday was a normal, Dear-God-help-me-get-through-this-day-and-not-go-crazy sort of day. As you know, the years of long distance and the particularly difficult last several months have really been wearing on me. So I was chillin' at my parents' house, blog cruising and checking out an adorable picture of my little I-man (the kid I nanny) in his new Halloween costume. I was basically doing anything possible to occupy my mind!

Then, I checked my e-mail. I had a letter from the NVC and the subject line was the case number and something about an interview. Even though it looked a little different, I was thinking it was probably a 9 week late response or something, which is what I typically get, so calmly opened it(calmly meaning, I started shaking and my heart rate went up, but I didn't say anything). The body was generic, but there was an Adobe attachment with the real info. That's when the drama began. In a recent cleaning spree (one that included vacuuming my mattress and curtains, as well as "cleaning up" my computer) I dumped Adobe Reader, because I "rarely" used it. Mistake. So I quickly and again, "calmly" barked to my brother something along the lines of:

"Oh my God, I have something that may very well change my life forever and need to open it with Adobe, get off that computer now! I need it."

Only there were no spaces or breaths between the words. Then, it happened! I opened the attachment to read these BEAUTIFUL words:

....blurrr, blurrr, blurrr......An immigrant visa interview has been scheduled......ACCRA on December 10, 2009...blurrr, blurrr.....

Then the insanity ensued! I started screaming, I started yelling....it was contagious. My mom, who had chicken all over her hands, started screaming as well and Jeremy did the soccer victory dance, with screaming, of course. Then I started sobbing, so Jeremy victory danced away and my mom awkwardly hugged me (chicken hands, you know). It was wonderful! I couldn't believe it, Iwas shaking, I was shocked, I thought I might faint, but I didn't..... We looked a little like this....

Then it was time to let George know. Unfortunately, he was asleep and we had major connection issues. After about 10 tries, I woke the man up with the best news he could have imagined. His reaction? "God is WONDERFUL!" Yep, I'm gonna marry that man! Then he said, "Are you sure?" Haha! So blabbering and blubbering continued and then the whole world found out. Well, not the whole world, but it's on Facebook, so almost.

I celebrated with a new purse, Champagne and FOOD! With my family, of course.

And now, the all important question: What's next?

Medicals are next! Before George has his interview, he has to have an x-ray, blood tests, immunizations and a physical. This won't exactly be simple. He has to get these done at specific clinics and not one clinic can do all 4. There will probably be "fast money" involved as well, so we're not sure of the exact cost. Do I care? Absolutely not!

Then, he has to get some MORE passport pictures taken, which never seem to be the right ones.

Finally, it's interview time! The point of this interview will be to prove the legitimacy of our relationship, so George needs LOTS of proof. No one ever knows until they are actually being interviewed how intense it will be. He may be asked 3 questions or 30 questions. They may want to see all of our pictures or just see that he actually has pictures. We'll just have to wait to know what he gets.

George will find out whether he was granted a visa at the interview. They could deny a visa, which is not likely at all; they could ask for more proof, which I doubt will happen; or they could APPROVE his visa! Approval truly is the most likely outcome, but we can't be certain until it actually happens. Then his visa will be printed, that could take anywhere from 3 hours to a week! Once visa is in hand and checked for errors, we will be able to buy a ticket and cement wedding plans!

I'm still wrapping my mind around this. We're not out of the woods yet, but it's finally starting to feel like this will actually happen! I'm so shocked and so thankful!

Please continue to pray for the following:

• Quick medicals, with good results and fair prices.
• No changes in interview date!
• A good interviewer, who is for us and not against us.
• APPROVED visa!
• Fast visa printing, with no mistakes.
• Good flights with great connections.
• Easy entry into the States.

Thanks for your support! We so appreciate it!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

GEORGE GOT AN INTERVIEW!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!

Glimmer of hope!

Okay people! I have a smile on my face and a little glimmer of hope!

I just got an e-mail from my boss, her husband got a job! It doesn't make as much as his last job, but they really want to find a way to keep me. So, they are going to try and give me as many hours through the end of the year as they can (she's still on maternity leave and grandma wants time with the kiddies). For next year they are going to try and make things work for full time. If George is here and has a job, my salary won't be quite the big deal that it is now. It will be more important that I have an understanding boss who gets our situation and is flexible to our needs...this family is just that. I love this family like they are mine and their kids are so precious to me. I am praying, praying, praying that everything will work out. Please pray with me! This has really renewed my strength and hope and I am so thankful.

Please also keep praying that George gets an interview this next round! Obviously we really want to be together, but it would simplify so many things and help us out financially if he would just get an interview!

Fake...

As you know from reading my blog, I'm fairly honest...at times, I can be brutally honest. I don't like fake, and I try hard not to be. Life is a struggle and it doesn't help anyone to pretend that it isn't.

I met an interesting person last night who wanted to hear my story. Unfortunately, she didn't just want to hear my story, she want to comment and advise me. (I should get a badge or a shirt or something made that warns people not to do that.)

Her comments were very Sunday School type answers, kind of fake. They left me wondering: 'Are you for real? Did you think before you said that, and who taught you that, Miley Cyrus?' Here are some things I heard from said young lady, and my thoughts, in purple:

• What a cool story!
• Uh, yeah...but it's not just a story dumb-dumb, it's my life!
• Wow, God must really be teaching you so much, how wonderful!
• Maybe, has He told you that? Why are you so excited?
• What an experience, God is really using you!
• Okay, I'll give on that one...I guess. But again, don't sound so impressed or excited...I'm standing right here!
• It's all about the journey, not the destination.
• No, it is not ALL about the journey, did the Disney channel teach you that? Think please, before you speak. In this case it is very much about the destination.
• I'm sure everything will be ok...
• Or maybe it won't, how do you know? (I could be a tad on the cynical side, but we have no guarantee.)
• Oh, but you need the body of Christ. *In response to my current church sitch.
• The thing about that is, when the "body" does more harm than good, they are not being "the body" and it's time to move on, so that's what I did. *I actually said that one. Bethany-1, Little Girl-0

The thing is, this girl is still young and maybe hasn't learned or been taught to think critically. She isn't the only person who has said things like that though. I know I have mentioned this before, a lot actually, but since it's ongoing, I will continue to blog about it...sorry if that bores you.

I'm not sure why people don't think, and why God is this fluffy, in-a-box type guy. Don't people want more? Are they afraid to find it?

I don't know if he came up with or not, but my dad recently told me, "He who made the mind, isn't afraid of it." I love that. It's okay to not have the answers. It's okay to search for them and ask questions. God is not threatened by that, Christians shouldn't be either.

This most recent transaction came while I am considering going to a new church's get-together on Thursday. I can't imagine 50 people who don't know me, asking questions about me and my life and similar things not coming up. I think I'll pass. Instead, I will continue to be a hermit who daily migrates to my mommy's house...

New things for George

Today was George's first day of orientation for his National Service. He woke up at 3:30am and left his friend's place around 4:30am...he finally arrived at his orientation place around 7:20am. That's Accra traffic folks! He is staying a little bit outside of the city, but not THAT outside-this route would normally take possibly an hour, but not during rush hour. Poor guy, hopefully he'll get a shorter commute soon. He's not complaining, but I am for him!

He isn't sure if he'll actually be working for the Ministry of Defense and will find out his actual posting on Thursday. His desire is to be placed at The Kofi Annan International Peacekeeping Training Centre (that's a mouthful!). That would be a job much better suited to his degree, talents, experience and desires for the future. It would also offer some pretty great connections, which we may need. So please pray with us that he will be able to work at the Kofi Annan Centre!

As for me, nothing is new. Still waiting and hoping and searching on so many levels. No job luck, but I keep trying. I'm pretty proud of my man, so that's good enough for now.

Sunday...a good day.

Today has been a good day. Shocking, I know. It's been a while since I've said that.

I was awakened at 7am by a call from my sweet man. Early? Yes. But I didn't mind and it started my day with a smile. We've been having completely terrible connection issues lately, so this call was especially sweet.

Since I was awake earlier than planned, I had a few more church options. I have been hesitant to go to a church that I think I really like because I just don't want to meet people right now. I don't want to be the needy girl, the girl with a story, the sad girl, the stand-offish girl, the girl with a fictional fiance, or any other weird or maladjusted persona. I am not really me right now, so I just don't want to share my current self. However, my parents were going to try that church today, so I decided strength in numbers was the way to go (growing up in a family of 8 makes it hard not to think that way). It was a wonderful experience and I'm glad I went....still not sure about "connecting" though.

Lunch conversation was great, considering church was not a boring or painful place. Nice. Who knew?

Afternoon conversations were great, again when church is good and the opposite of painful, the day is completely different!

Then came snack time! Have you ever had a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory caramel apple? Oh. My. GAAWWWD. They are beyond amazing! There aren't really words to describe these apples, just moans. Yum, yum, YUM!

So for a day without George, it was pretty good.

Tomorrow, G starts his new job (National Service) with the Ministry of Defense. He's excited and a little bit nervous (he got his hair barbered today for a good first impression...SO cute!). He's glad for forward progress in life and hoping for some wonderful opportunities. His first week will be fairly packed and quite the adjustment. He'll be staying with a friend for a while and will start searching for another place to stay in a week or two. It would be great if we got an interview before that is necessary, but as we all know, that is not exactly likely. Please keep praying...it's hard to have faith right now.

Insanity

We've all heard the saying, "You either laugh or you cry." Or something like that.

Well, in my case, that is very true...only to the extreme. I will either be a four days dirty, sobbing, depressed mess in my bed. (Well maybe not, but maybe.) Or....a fairly goofy and hilarious person, that begs the question, "Is she okay?!?" I choose the latter.

Whether it's singing, dancing, silly voices, silly faces, mockery in general, faux craigslist postings, jokes, or food art...I have taken the need for laughter to a whole new level. Is this healthy? I'm not sure, but for now any distraction will do and I'll take it over sadness.

Nothing good has happened, but I'm not posting about that, because, well, it's sad and depressing.

Also, no Chick-Fil-A, I do not drink lemonade, it makes my spit thick...so don't offer it to me anymore!

Reality.

Last night, I called the NVC. We didn't get an interview. We were given a glimmer of hope last week, just to have it smashed to bits. Not sure why we didn't just hear "no" last week...this somehow seems worse.

So this is my reality. No interview, months more 'til George can actually be here. No place to stay in Ghana, so I can't go see him until there is a place for me to stay. No work for me, all my money making opportunities have fallen off. I'm looking for work, but it's hard to know what to do and the job market is pretty tight right now. My reality is, this sucks.

There are a lot of other hurtful things going on in my life right now, that I haven't posted about. I am seeking God with all that I am and trying to do what He has for us. But He is silent and I feel lost. Meanwhile, so many people around me are doing whatever the heck they want, or with little regard to God and they are just moving along, getting what they want and more. I wish I didn't care, but it hurts me. I feel very stuck right now, very lost, very lonely.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord,who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121

It's not over, but I'm still bummed...

I got up this morning full of excitement. Why? Because it's a work day, so the NVC should schedule our interview...of course!

....I wish I would have stayed in bed.

I haven't heard bad news from the NVC and I am most certainly NOT calling them today. However, my fabulous back up plan has taken a beating, and that makes me sad. The platinum lining of not getting an interview this round was that I would quickly hop on a plane, fly across the ocean and see my man. Since when have things worked the way they are supposed to? I should have expected something to get in the way.

In comes the Ghana government....as if we could get away with only one country ruining our plans! In Ghana they have a program called National Service. It's an internship of sorts that benefits the country and people of Ghana in some way. All college graduates are supposed to do a National Service and getting a job in Ghana without doing NS is pretty much impossible. If you leave the country however, it's not that big of a deal. So, George finally got called up for his NS and after MUCH ado, he is being sent to Accra!

Accra is huge! Accra is EXPENSIVE. Accra is complicated. Accra is PACKED with people and cars and trash. Accra is not MY lovely Volta Region. {gloom, despair, etc., etc.} So....George has no place to say, and there is (as of today) no place for me to stay either. So George will go to Accra later this week, start to figure out his new job and life in Accra and search like gangbusters for a place to say. So until something happens...I'm on hold again. Really?! REALLY?!?

What would make this all better? A VISA INTERVIEW!! I haven't given up hope completely, but I'm still bummed.

Thank you, for letting me vent.

How have I made it this long??

We've been waiting for an interview for 28 weeks now. The last 24 hours however, have pretty much killed me!! After yesterday's answer, I have been expecting an e-mail saying that we got an interview. I keep checking, but it still hasn't come. It just needs to work. So many things seem to be falling into place that make it look like, no Ghana, yes, Texas. Come on, NVC...give us an interview!!!! I even found airfare for George for $1300!! For those of you who don't know, that is completely FANTASTIC! I'm so sick of this waiting and injustice. I NEED MY MAN!

...I might seriously die if we don't get a breakthrough soon. I'm not being dramatic, just honest.

Keep on waiting...

Today is the day I was supposed to call about an interview (as told by a supervisor last month). I called...I dreaded it, but I called anyway. Then answer, we don't have an interview YET, but they aren't finished scheduling. So we keep waiting. This is good news...ish. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING!!!!

In other news, today was totally awesome, as I spent some time with my regular nanny family. My buddy I-man (19 months) and his brand new baby sister, Colette.

OH! MY! GOODNESS!!!! P-R-E-C-I-O-U-S!

I'll take two please, only make mine chocolate.

...can I say that?

Future Identity Crisis...

As we ALL well know, I do a lot of thinking. I always have, but recently I have had more time to just think. Think, and read blogs. I read all sorts of blogs, but I especially love to read blogs that have something to do with Ghana or other parts of Africa. Whether someone is adopting from Ghana or is from Ghana or what have you, it's somehow comforting to me.

I recently read a blog by a woman lamenting the question, "Where are you from?" She was Ghanaian born, and raised in a Ghanaian home, but had lived most of her life in London and spent a few years in the U.S. She went on to say how she hated this question, and while she didn't come right out and say it, girlfriend had a serious identity crisis going on. I felt bad for her.

This is not the case for me. I look like, sound like and act like an American from a large southern city (my accent is only slight, but I have southern girl manners). I like that I am Texan, when people ask me where I'm from, I don't say, "America." I say, "Texas!" But that's not who I am, it's just where I am from....and I don't really care. I don't identify myself by my nationality, or my race. I'm surprised by the number of people who do, and who feel lost without that identity. It makes me sad for them. My parents never told me, "Don't identify yourself as a Texan, American or white girl, that's not who you are." But somehow, they got that point across to me. I certainly identify myself as someone who loves Jesus (though the word Christian isn't one I always prefer) and as a member of my family (they rock, you would want to be a part of us too;) but everything else is extra. G and his friends laugh at me because when we are together, I make fun of the junky looking white foreigners right along with them!

....Oh yeah, I'm white too...

I don't see myself (or George, for that matter) struggling with identity. It does make me concerned for our future children though. Will they experience this identity crisis that so many displaced Ghanaians feel? What will they be? Can they be proud Ghanaian-Americans? Should they be proud of such a trivial thing? Our uniqueness is great, but how great should it be? I love the blending of cultures that our family [to be] has, but I certainly don't want to over-emphasize it. God has made such marvelous colors and cultures in this world, but the fact still remains that we are (or should be) citizens of Heaven-our time here is temporary. How far should people go to recognize and hold on to their differences? I don't know...maybe one day I will figure it out.

Dear God,

Please, please, PLEEEAAAASSSSSEEEE!! Give us a visa interview!

Aaaamen!

Finding my place.

I've had trouble sleeping lately, thus, even more time to think about life. I often find myself conflicted and searching hard to find my place in life. I've decided though, that most thinking people struggle with this and though I may have the bi-continental aspect that some don't; we're all searching for something and most of us want to be doing what we were created to do. That's only a semi-comforting thought though.

With immigration up in the air, it takes away the simplicity and comfort of knowing what life will be like. The flip side is that it keeps things interesting...interesting is overrated. It's amazing how comforting (yet, possibly dangerous) having a plan, that works, can be. I know many people who literally have a 5 year plan (or longer!) and are actually sticking to the plan. I seriously cannot even imagine! I don't know what my life will look like in 5 months, let alone 5 years!

Life in Ghana is simple and wonderful-in my opinion. People don't expect you to have a five year plan, for one thing. More importantly, I am able to do so much to help people with so little. I can impact people's lives to the glory of God with nearly nothing. I can see amazing things happen on a regular basis. Christianity is socially acceptable and the people are warm and hospitable. It's awesome! It can also be very hard though. It's hard to see people living in poverty. It's hard to see children caned or beaten. It's hard to know of people dying from preventable illness. But it's also exhilarating to know you can do something about it! The dangerous side is that 'do-good high' that comes with all the wonderful do-gooding. Who's really getting the glory and what is the motive? What happens when you can't help someone? It's hard, but so easy, all at the same time.

Life in America is complicated and wonderful as well. I think my 'wonderful' has to do with my family though. The pressure put on people here-especially women to "do it all" can be crushing! There is so much input from all sides to be or do the unattainable. Christianity is not socially acceptable and people are not always warm and hospitable. It takes so much of what you make to even pay all the bills, that there is hardly any left to help people with...that's where the guilt creeps in. And...aaaannnd(!) there are those stinkin' Michael Kors stores begging you to come in and buy the beautiful things!! Consumerism...yuck! It's everywhere, but especially in America. Life is hard here. It's hard to be outspoken about your faith, it's hard to help people, and when you do, even the church criticizes how it was done. Life here is just complicated.

And do you know what? Here is my problem...I want both!! I love Ghana and living in Ghana. But I love America, too. I do want it all. I don't want to be living my life by default, I want to be purposeful and I want to love it. There's not a lot of loving-my-life going on right now, but I hope and pray that will change soon. In the mean time, I'm searching for my place, longing for joy and peace.

Passing the time...

What do I do while waiting forever....and not spend money??

Play at Target, of course!

I LOVE my brother! :)

Life this week...

Here's an update on my week...

I'm wait-wait-waitin' away for that elusive interview. There is a certain amount of peace in knowing we will be together in November regardless of an interview...but I still want a visa!

My boss had her baby girl on Tuesday. I'm so happy for them. I can't imagine how wonderful they must be feeling as a complete, together family. Hopefully one day I will.

I had a tough work situation with another family I recently started with. It was compounded by stress in my life. This week I decided to jump in and do a good job without being too invested, thus, not allowing their problems to overly stress me. It was hard, but I did it and I need the money. Then, my hours got cut. Seriously??

On Easter Sunday this year, I saw a really terrible car accident. I did the normal thing and helped and waited for the police to take my statement. Today I was called by a law firm that is representing the poor family who got hit (all 6 of them were very injured and I was so glad to hear that they are getting better). The law assistant was blown away that I was willing to help (sad world, I didn't exactly do anything) and we had a pretty good time talking to one another. It felt good to actually be somewhat productive. AAANND...the lawyer she works for has a daughter who is marrying someone from another country. We sort of swapped stories...she lamented with me the amount of paperwork and assured me that I've done all I can do and it's just a waiting game now. That helped me, I think the legal assistant actually knows what they are talking about.

So I guess that's it. Boring, waiting life. I've been flight searching, have I mentioned I hate Delta? I wish I had something funny or at least good to say...

Clarification...

A lot of people are starting to worry about me right now. (More people than I realized knew or cared about our situation.) My sadness, the drop-it-like-its-hot attitude with my church, my honesty about spiritual junk food and quest to know who exactly God is, has surprisingly concerned many. Some think I am bitter and depressed, some think I am losing my faith, some think I'm about to lose "it" (whatever "it" is) altogether and some think all of those things combined are true. So here goes-I'd like to clarify a few things...

First, thank you for your concern...I think.

Secondly, let me address some of these issues. The most import being that I may be losing my faith. That my friends, is so NOT true. My God is big [and mysterious] and my faith is deep. If I lost my faith after only a few years of hardship, then it wasn't worth keeping anyway. I still believe in God, I still love God and I still believe He loves me. What I am questioning is not His existence or His saving grace. I am questioning the "junk food" things I've been given about what He does and what we get from Him. How involved is He? What exactly does "ask...seek...knock" mean? Do we present our requests to him because it's a good discipline or because He will answer us? Why does it feel like He led us here and left us with no help and very little support? Why do we experience trials and is this one of them or have I overestimated what the Christian walk "should" be? I don't think God is messed up here, I think what I have known about God may be a little off. I also know there is grace for that. I still pray...er, cry out to God all. the. time. I still hope that He is moving and doing things we don't see. I still want people to know Him and see His mighty deeds. But I'm also still stumped by His silence. I don't pretend....that's why people worry. I think maybe I say/write the things some people are afraid to acknowledge. But let me tell you, God is bigger than my questions. I've never enjoyed people who had set theologies that put God in a box. I guess I had done that too. I'm learning I don't have to know everything.

As for the church thing. I'm aware it's not healthy to isolate and that at some point I need to get reconnected with a church. I'm also too aware that "good Christians" go to church, but simply going only fools people into a false security. My church was hurtful to me (with the exeption of a few) and did more harm than good. So for now, I'm taking all the good I can get from other churches and enjoying having no one know me or my saga. One day, this will change.

Onto the bitter and/or depressed thing. I am not bitter, I am sad. I am not depressed, I am sad. I do have moments of anger-like earlier this week when Skype wouldn't work and stole $5 of my money trying to connect for an $8 call that was terrible quality. That, made me mad! I had a little outburst, and for that, I am sorry. But here's the deal, most of the good in my life has come crashing down. All of the "fingerprints of God" I once saw have disappeared. That's a hard and sad thing. I've been struggling through life without the man God has for me for years now, that's a hard thing. I would think people should be concerned if I wasn't sad...not the other way around.

Things will get better, they have to. I refuse to live this way forever. I will be strong again, I will be me, again.

Contingency plan.

So it begins...round seven.

This is it. Interview scheduling has begun. Technically it begins on Monday, but that's a lie, things are already 'in play'. In two weeks or less, I will either be celebrating the victory of FINALLY getting an interview, or preparing to go to Ghana. Our track record so far would suggest that we are definitely NOT getting an interview. While there is still an itty bitty glimmer of hope somewhere deep in my heart, I'm not holding my breath (I'm also still trying to figure out if that is contradictory or just common sense). I've moved onto the contingency plan...you know, just in case.

So here's the plan. Go on 'furlough' from my current job and wait it out a bit in Ghana. I'm thinking leave early November and come back in January. I know my family will miss me, especially for the holidays, and I will miss them too. That's the not-so-great part of the plan. I can't wait forever though. Time together will be SO good for us and I know that if I have to return without G, we will both be stronger and refocused. For now, I'm trying not to think about the returning part though-I've got to get there first!

My contingency plan has been complicated however, by the fact that the job that was going to pay at least November's rent, but possibly more, fell through. So I'm really trying to make money quickly here. Would you please pray for that? God has faithfully provided for trip, after trip, after trip to Ghana. I hope He continues to do so. Also, if you live near me and know of any short term jobs, please let me know!

And that cryptic "Please Pray" government junk is still hangin' around. So please continue to pray for that too. There's just a bunch of hard stuff right now...okay, that's an understatement, we're completely weary and brokenhearted right now. We really need a breakthrough.