Oh sleep. I never thought sleep (or lack thereof) would be so paramount in my life. I think about sleep all. the. time. Why sleep is important. What about our current sleep situation isn't working and the real reasons I want them to change. Do we really have a sleep issue or is our culture pressuring me into thinking we have a sleep issue? I spent the weekend doin' some serious sleep evaluation and soul searching.
Friday night was hard. M was up every hour. I think that was the second time in a week he had done that. He didn't seem in pain, wasn't hot or cold, his diaper was dry, his pajamas fit fine and he didn't even really seem hungry. He just wanted/needed me. I don't mind at all that he needs me, but it suddenly became very apparent that those steps we had been taking towards self soothing have seriously backslidden and if Makafui wakes up (which is normal for any person to do in the night) he simply can't get back to sleep without me. His Dr. didn't seem too concerned and told me about a book I should get if this problem isn't solved by 9 months. NINE. MONTHS. On one hand, I don't feel so bad about our situation if I have 'til 9 months to start to deal with it. On the other hand, I'm terrified that we could have so much longer of this. I really miss one on one time with my husband.
So on Saturday I hoofed it to the library and got every non Ferber or Ezzo book they had about babies and sleep. I figured I would skim/read them all and come up with something that worked for us. Unfortunately, most of them involved a lot of crying and the reason behind getting baby to sleep was all about the parents and not wanting to be inconvenienced by the baby. I really didn't like that 'tude and I'm not all about getting M to sleep through the night if he's not ready. I want him to be able to self soothe when he does wake up, because that is an important life skill. I also KNOW that he isn't getting enough sleep and want to help him sleep more. Babies his age average 14-15 hours of sleep in 24. Makafui sleeps about 9 to maybe 11 in 24. I can't believe he is so happy for such a sleep deprived little dude.
We did try a soothe-without-holding type method on Saturday and there were many tears...from Makafui and me! We didn't wait to see how long it would take because soothing without picking him up was not working at all and it was crushing me. I picked up my poor baby and cried, determined never to cave to any silly "technique" like that again. Makafui was easily consoled and I don't think he's scarred or messed up by it, but I might be.
So I landed on the book my Dr. had originally suggested and I am very encouraged by it. I feel like less of a failure and that this is more normal behavior than I knew. It is gentle, it doesn't involve crying and it takes patience and time. I am totally okay with all of that! I am determined to get into better sleep habits for the good of Makafui and our entire little family. I am taking the next few weeks to focus on sleep above all and hope we can get a handle of this. Here goes! I'm hoping I look back on this blog post in the not too distant future and marvel at how things have changed. :)
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