Family and some Psycho-babble

So maybe it was the packed weekend, or maybe it's just because he's 3 1/2 months old, but Tuesday was rough...and that night was too. (But please don't hear that as a complaint about my precious dude, just an observation. This is parenting, it's not about me or my sleep and it won't be for a loooong time!)

Even though I know I'm doing the right thing with my sweet Makafui, I still kind of search to see if there are any magic answers out there, hope that this is almost over....or something! :)

I stumbled across an article in Psychology Today about the dangers and history of "crying it out" as opposed to comforting your baby as needed. It was very, very interesting! The part that stood out to me the most was when the CIO notions in America really started (and answered my question as to why my African friends and family don't ask if M is sleeping through the night or what methods or schedule we are using). It was in the early 20th century when families started splitting up and living far from one another. A couple would raise their child without the benefit of mothers and grandmothers around. In turn, they listened to peers and "experts" of the time who didn't really know anything. Parenting became about the parent, rather than about the child and the family as a whole. Older, wiser women were no longer part of the picture to encourage, to share wisdom and experience and to give a helping hand. The result was a new era of parenting that has raised some very interesting adults (I won't get into all of that stuff though).

This article got me to thinking about a million different aspects of parenting and why we parent the way we do and what we want as a result of our parenting. It may have confirmed my husband's belief that I think too much, but oh well. There are too many things to write about and probably only 3 of you readers even care. :) The big thing it got me thinking about was this culture we live in. A culture that says, "I don't need you, especially old(er) people, I've got this figured out...I hold the answers, even if it takes the Internet to find them" There's a whole lot of pride and isolation in that. How blessed I am that God allowed me to live near my Mama and to be able to soak up some of her wisdom. She gave me this sweet reminder for my very first Mother's Day...

How wonderful and how true is that? It's hanging in my kitchen, so I see it all the time! I am thankful for family who is a part of the 'village' helping us raise Makafui and I wish Ghana weren't 6,000 miles away! I'm also praying in friends for us who can come along side and join this journey, and that we can do the same in return.

And now for some pictures of my sweet! He's getting pretty good at helping with the laundry...

And he's getting really good and grabbing toys and putting them in his mouth. I am just loving being his Mama and watching him grow and develop!

**As always, this opinions on this blog are just that-my opinions. And as always they are not shared with the intention to hurt or judge anyone. If you don't like what you read, you don't have to read it.**

Long Weekend

This was a fabulous weekend...unfortunately, I'm still working on becoming fabulous at documenting these things with pictures!

On Saturday we had my parents' joint Birthday lunch and it was great! I made super delicious and oh-so-easy pulled pork and my sibs contributed other parts of the meal. I'm learning that having people help really chills the day out for me and I don't stress so much. Duh! I think everyone had a good time. Our neighbor did not show up, however his cousin did stop by after almost everyone had left. :)

Makafui did great having our little apartment packed with loud and fun and loving people, but the over stimulation really seemed to have settled in around bedtime. He was super fidgety and restless and just a mess!! It took me almost 3 hours to get him down for the night. The upside, the oh-so-wonderful upside is that after I did finally get him down (at 11) HE SLEPT!!! I fed him at 3. Just 3!! (Since then however, he has decided that the 11 o'clock hour is his new bedtime, but no more 1 wake stretches. Where does he get this?!)

Sunday was another wonderful day. Since I got so much sleep and M was up and happy, we decided to go to the early service in hopes that naps the rest of the day would be on a better schedule. It totally worked! Makafui slept most of the service and only had to be taken out towards the end becuase he was laughing. :) The youth pastor preached and it was such a wonderful sermon, we were very blessed by it and look forward to getting to know him and his wife. Did I mention we've been trying another church? Oh yeah, I didn't because this whole church thing has been so hurtful and complicated and weird. I may touch on it later....or not.

Then, after a nap and some home time, we hit up the pool with GiGi and Pops (and boy do I wish I would have brought the camera!). It was such a sweet, sweet summer day. The weather was perfect, my child was an angel and the company could not have been better. It hit me while we were sitting in the shade, Makafui wrapped in a hooded towel just squealing with delight, that our once tiny, extremely needy, fussy, nurse him 'round the clock, let's-never-have-anymore-kids newborn is now a chill, HAPPY, fun baby. Nice. :) What a great day!

Monday was full of productivity and yummy, yummy BBQ at GiGi and Pops' house. I wish we could have long weekends all the time!

SWIMMING!!

G got off a little bit early yesterday, so we decided to hit up the pool before dinner. The pool here at our apartment is still VERY cold, so we swung by GiGi's house and got the key to her neighborhood pool. It was perfect! The pool has the greatest set up, a big pool with a shallow, zero entry section connected and way off to the side (away from the bigger kids) there is a simple, round, zero entry pool that only goes to 18"...perfect for babies. I love it!

Makafui is deciding what he thinks...

The floatie was a hit. As soon as we put the camera away, he started squealing and kicking his little legs and smiling. It was so adorable!

He really tuckered himself out with all that baby exercise! This was the result after the 5 minute drive home.

We had such a blast! I hope we can do this a lot this summer (and I hope our apartment pool warms up soon) and I look forward to going with family too!

Neighbors

Living in an apartment complex gives you a lot of neighbors in a small space. It can be cool, or weird, it just depends on what you get. In our last apartment, we knew all of the neighbors on our side of the building. We knew most of their names, what they did for a living and what cars they drove. It was nice, even though the old guy next door who cut his finger off always gave us off the wall career advice...sometimes we would hide from him.

Anyway, in our new apartment, it hasn't really worked that way. Partially because the buildings are set up differently (it was a courtyard style at our last place, so all the doors faced one another, rather than hallways), partially because we are now busy with a baby and our schedules are very different, and partially because we have weird neighbors. We only know 2 neighbors!

One is a sweet older lady who lives above us. She does laundry a LOT, vacuums everyday and showers and bathes twice a day. She told me she's like Monica from Friends, a neat freak. That made me laugh. She loves Makafui and encourages me about my mommying.

The other neighbor is a little more interesting. He lives next door. He's about 50 and lives with his cousin who is probably a little younger. He drives 2 Jaguars, an H2, an Armada, a truck, and a motorcycle or 2. He is also seen quite often with some other fancy car. He doesn't have a job, likes to leave his door propped open most of the time (and it smells like he cooks Jambalaya every other day) and he laughs really loud. He drinks Monster energy drinks and brings around women who look like an aged Baby Phat advertisement. He is chatty and very, very nice, but a curious fellow. And, he may be coming to my parents' Birthday lunch on Saturday.

What? You read that right. SOMEONE was talking to him in the parking lot and Birthdays came up, to which neighbor guy says, "Oh, I love Birthdays." [Who says that?] So then SOMEONE said, "Oh, me too! We are having a Birthday celebration for my in-laws on Saturday, you should come." Soooooo, the family Birthday lunch might get reeeeal entertaining! We shall see...neighbors, they're a funny thing.

Catching up...

I guess we've been too busy playing and doing all this fun baby stuff to blog lately. :) G got called in to work on Saturday, but we had a great weekend anyway. We enjoyed walks as a family, a trip to Babies R Us, getting my Mother's Day gift (they were out of G's choice before Mother's Day) and just hanging out. We missed the semi-eclipse, but oh well.

One of Makafui's new favorite things is to play on our legs. It is sooo cute! He just beams and giggles and has so much fun!

He likes to pretend he's a big boy and sit up on the couch.

And lately he's really been working out his body. He does these hilarious little baby crunches and tries so hard to sit up from laying down. It cracks me up. In this picture, he's grabbing the owl and pulling himself up with it. Silly boy!

We went to the Dr. this week for a weight check and he's now 12lb 9oz!! Woohoo! The best part about that is that his reflux meds have been upped! Here's to hoping it helps the tough evenings and nights. :)

A wife like that...

When my Nonnie was in the hospital last year, we met and talked with a lot of different medical professionals. I don't remember most of them, and certainly not their names or details about their lives. I do remember one though and I will remember him for a long time.

He was the Pulmonary Fellow at my Nonnie's hospital and he was a really great Dr., a really great Dr. who loved Jesus.

One day, he came in and just sat and talked with us while we waited by Nonnie's side. The guy looked very young, so we got to asking him about his medical career etc., assuming he was some kind of kid genius. Boy were we wrong!

This Dr. had been a B student his entire life and he worked hard for those Bs. He took a while to finish his undergrad and was not the typical overachieving pre-med student. In fact, he was a little aimless in college until he met his would be wife and got more serious about his walk with Christ. After he graduated, he took the MCAT and did not do very well- he may have even said that he bombed it.

There was no way he would get into med school with his score. Obviously, this was very depressing to him and he wondered if he would ever be a Dr., he was ready to give up. His wife encouraged him that he was supposed to be Dr. and that he could certainly do it. So, with her prompting, he worked his butt off and studied for another year or so before he took the MCAT again. He did score better the second time around, but he still didn't get an amazing score (some people just aren't good testers!).

He applied to many, many schools and got 2 interviews. His first interview did not go well and he knew when he left that there was no chance he's be getting into that school. The interviewer even told him to try again in a few years! He was hopeless headed into his second interview, but his wife still had faith-so much so that she went with him for moral support. The interviewer looked at him, with his mediocre file in his hand and asked, "Why should I give you one of the few spots in this program?" Dr. K hung his head for a moment, looked up and replied, "Because there's a woman on the other side of that door who believes in me." That's all he had to offer the interviewer, because he had no faith of his own left. And do you know what? That answer got him in! And he did great. And he ended up being an amzing Dr.

I think about that Dr. and his wife a lot. I want to be a wife like that.

Who needs sleep anyway?

Yeah well, looks like Tuesday night and those glorious stretches of sleep were a fluke. You win some, you lose some. Besides, even sleep deprived, life is pretty awesome with this sweet dude.

The biggest upside to being up so much at night is that in addition to just holding and soaking up my sweet baby, there is more time to pray. I guess that's never bad. :)

Proof

Makafui has been napping in his crib (gasp!) and actually sleeping (double gasp!). I didn't think George would believe it without proof. :)

Last night was a dream come true or a miracle or a fluke or maybe, just maybe a turning point (I hesitate to write about it, because I know Makafui is sneaking around and reading the blog so he can keep me on my toes). A series of events made bedtime later on purpose, instead of the typical up and down thing and he went to sleep around 9:45. Then, he didn't wake up 'til 12:45!! I couldn't believe it! I have been praying and praying for a 3 hour stretch! I fed him and put him back down at 1:00, but he wasn't asleep, which made me a little nervous. Then, my super baby did exactly what I've been wanting him to be able to do-he talked and cooed for a bit and then fell asleep on his own!! He woke up again at 4:30 (!!!!) went right back down after I fed him, was up at 6:30 for another feeding and then up at 8:30 for the day. Amazing, amazing night! It's gonna be a grrrreat day! I know this probably bores most of my readers, but it's huge to me and I may need to look back and remember this one day if Makafui isn't an only child after all. ;) 

In other less boring developments, M may or may not be learning how to use an iPhone...I am freaked out about that.

We are also confusing him as to whether the orange animal on his play mat with a big bushy tail and acorn in his hand is a squirrel or a rabbit. Poor kid.



He's getting pretty good at spit bubbles...and really all things spit related. How cute is that baby v-neck?!

Lovin' life and hypin' myself up!

I love my little family!!

Yesterday was a fabulous first Mother's Day! I had a lot of fun with my little family and spending time with some of my big family. George, my Dad and two of my brothers made our wonderful Mother's Day meal! It was yummy and fun to watch them cook. :) I also ate dessert twice. It was such a sweet and relaxing day. We tried to take some good first Mom's Day pics, but Makafui wasn't exactly cooperating...oh well.

The weekends are a little tough for M because we try to do a lot and he ends up getting off his normal routine. That, plus forgetting his evening dose of meds probably contributed to our rough night. So today I dusted off my teacher hat, got out my markers and made myself inspirational signs leading into his room (I'm a dork, I know).

I've decided that even if the night is rough, I need not to look at it quite that way. Instead, I need to see it as a normal night with a baby...regardless of what "other babies his age" are doing. When it's the middle of the night though, it can be hard to find the big girl panties and remember these things! ;) So here is what I'm reminding myself...

-Night waking in babies is temporary!
-Sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone, it varies from baby to baby.
-When babies wake at night, they need something!-food or Mama, both are perfectly fine reasons to wake.
-My baby trusts me, my baby wants me. I'm not willing to trade that for a few hours of sleep.
-My sweet little Makafui won't be a baby forever. Cherish this!

If you can't tell, I've been pondering the relative merits of "sleep training" and how many methods see waking as a problem or inconvenience, something you must break your child of, rather than normal. I've been holding that up to my faith in Christ and am questioning a lot of the perspectives and attitudes toward children that this sleep training stuff preaches. It's just sleep...I'm still searching, thinking, PRRRRAYING. We'll see what happens, for now, I have signs to hype myself up!

Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day as a Mommy. It's cool, but not that huge of a deal for me, because Makafui is still so young-he doesn't have a clue that it's a special day.

What's a bigger deal to me this year is that this is my first year to celebrate my Mom, being a Mom myself. I've been doing this Mommy thing for a whopping 3 months, but my appreciation and understanding of what my Mom did and does for us has grown IMMENSELY. I love her more each day and am starting to grasp the sacrifice that the last 31 years has been for her. So this Mother's Day, I am really, really thankful for my Mommy...in so, so many ways!

This is for her, but other people should read it too because she is just that awesome.


For all the nights you didn't sleep at. all. Thank you.

For the times in those sleepless nights that you kind of wanted to give up nursing because a bottle of formula would mean a little more sleep, but you didn't. Thank you.

For all the nights you hardly slept and had to get up early with another 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 kids(!!!), AND didn't act like a zombie or a martyr. Thank you.

For all the insane diapers you changed. Thank you.

For the countless diapers you WASHED. Thank you.

For every. single. interrupted me-time. I'm sorry. Thank you.

For every disastrous evening that you tried to make a delicious dinner, do laundry, take care of a
crying baby and be a rockin' wife all at once, but it just didn't quite work. Thank you.

For every time you wondered if you were doing it right and no one told you that you were, so you just kept on going. Thank you.

For getting a dog so that you didn't raise a woman who was afraid of a house pet. Thank you.

For cleaning up after the dog(s) all those times. Thank you.

For enjoying the moment, really enjoying the moment. Thank you.

For snuggles and zerberts. Thank you.

For not being the frumpy or sloppy Mom. Thank you.

For park days that you ran and played with us, not just sat on a bench and watched. Thank you.

For enduring the nasty losing teeth phase SIX TIMES! Thank you.

For Bible studies at the bagel place. Thank you.

For the time you took me on a date for the whole day because ALL of my friends got invited to a sleep-over, except for me. Thank you.

For never making me feel like less of a person or defined by my weight-especially when I was fat. Thank you.

For the years that school drop-off took 2 hours and school pick-up took 2 hours. Wow, that was a lot of time in the car. Thank you.

For all the times you took us to (endured?) Chuck-E-Cheese's. Thank you...I think. ;)

For all of the times you felt unappreciated, disrespected and abused, but didn't give up or give in. I'm sorry. Thank you.
For ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS being our biggest cheerleader. Thank you.

For all those amazing summers that we lived at the pool with good snacks and fun toys. Thank you.
For teaching us how to learn and love learning. Thank you.

For being creative and allowing and encouraging our creativity. Thank you.

For allowing us to be mad at God and work through spiritual issues without giving us Sunday School answers or telling us that we should or shouldn't feel certain ways. Thank you.

For letting us spread our wings, even if it hurt you. Thank you.

For not being a "stuff" Mom. Thank you.

For never letting us feel like a bother, when I'm sure there were times we were bothering you. Thank you.

For leading by example. Thank you.

For the countless times you prayed with us and for us. Thank you.

For being generous in every sense of the word. Thank you.

For loving Dad so much and so well. Thank you.

For teaching me how to cook in a way that a book never could. Thank you.

For making Sundays a special family day. Thank you.

For filling our home with laughter! You crack me up. Thank you.

For letting me live with you for so long so I could save money and see the world. Thank you.

For taking me to Paris and having a wonderful adventure together. Thank you.

For believing me and being on my side 100% when I told you about a boy in Africa. Thank you.

For suffering with me through immigration. Thank you.

For all the shopping trips, coffee dates and hang-times we have had while waiting for something in life. Thank you.

For allowing me to and helping me find my own path, even when people were very critical of my choices and your parenting for doing so. Thank you.

For helping me move and set up my apartment...3 times! You are the best moving buddy I know! Thank you.

For listening to me, always. Thank you.

For being the only the person on the planet that I trust enough to smell their fingers. Thank you.

For getting it, when no one else does. Thank you.

For helping me through that insane labor, I didn't think I would need you, but I sure did! Thank you.

For not telling me to stop whining when I text you about my baby who may or may not be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Thank you.

For telling me I'm a good Mama. Thank you.

For being an awesome Gigi. Thank you.

For being my best friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Concentration

Playing can be hard work...it helps to have lots of toys around for moral support.

It's easy to get distracted...

 ...but if you really focus, you can get what you want.

Got it!!

Just needed a little concentration...sticking out your tongue helps too.

Working Out

You know how a new workout can be so hard and so challenging and you just wanna quit...or die before it's over? Maybe that's just me. Anyway, once you do that workout more and more, it's not so challenging anymore and it even becomes enjoyable...and then, your jeans fit!

I've been doing this is my spiritual life a lot lately. Pushing through challenges, working my spiritual a$$ off. To my delight, some areas are getting easier. Like physical workouts though, you can't just do it, get a hot bod (since obviously, that's the only reason for working out:) and then stop and have everything stay the same. If you quit working out, you get flabby again, put on some pounds and ultimately, your health is negatively affected. It's an ongoing process, one that ebbs and flows as far as difficulty. It takes commitment and purpose, but it's so worth it. I guess the spiritual equivalent to your jeans fitting is something along the lines of a wonderful life regardless of your circumstances.


I was thinking about this when I heard a comment from someone in regards to provision. This person commented how they take stock of the things in their life and continually calculate what it would cost to fix or replace them. They run a tally, worried that the savings account doesn't have the total. I was sad for this person, becuase God is so much bigger than that and why waste your life worrying about things and fretting when our great God has you covered? However, it got me to thinking why I don't feel that way. Is it because I don't have the luxury to do so or do I just have more faith? I'm not always sure.


Our faith walk is quite the workout some days, but I am thankful for it.

3 Months!!

Oh. My. Goodness. Can my baby reeeeally be 3 months old??

He has lost that newborn look (yes, it's a little sad for this Mama). His features are changing and developing in the sweetest sort of way, he's not just a cute baby anymore, he's Makafui!

We are having a blast with this little dude. I do believe that he gets MORE cute, MORE fun and MORE sweet each day!! Don't ask about what he gets more of each night!

He is a happy boy most of the (day) time. I love chatting with him after naps. He just smiles and smiles and goes on and on trying out different noises and cadences to those sounds. It is so flippin' precious!

He's always putting his fists in his mouth, but no real thumb or finger sucking-he's trying though, he's really trying. I will admit, I would kind of like if he would suck on his fingers for comfort. :)

He LOOOOOVES his blanket!! When he gets grumpy, all I have to do is swaddle him up. He rubs his face with the blanket and all is right with the world. It's pretty dang sweet.

This week he has started grabbing toys on purpose! I am very impressed.

He still sleeps in his swing. And I'm okay with that.

He's doing a lot better in social situations. He used to get easily overwhelmed by too many people and NEED to nurse to cope. He is suddenly doing much better and maybe even enjoying larger groups. Here he is with his cousin at about a month old (love this picture!).

And here they are this weekend. Muuuuch better! She's even holding his hand!

I don't count how often he eats anymore, but it's not nearly as often as it once was.  I realized the other day that I am actually getting things done around here! He is getting picky about meal time though, if I carry on a conversation while feeding him, he slowly and purposefully reaches up and grabs a handful of flesh (I won't say where that flesh is) as if to tell me to stop it. It's kind of funny.

We sure are loving watching him grow and seeing his personality blossom each day.

Developing a Taste

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Makafui I ditched ALL artificial sweeteners. In my food, I had pretty much already done so, save for those yummy 99% fat free Yoplaits (Because who wants to spend nearly 200 calories on regular yogurt?! I'll take ice cream for that!). Drinks, on the other hand, were an undertaking. I was the queen of all things diet! Drinking my calories was a cardinal sin, so instead of drinking water, I chose almost any diet soda or "juice" drink, with a special liking to Diet Dr. Pepper. For my Birthday, I decided to give myself a little treat and try out a Diet Root Beer. Ummm....YUCK!! It was so gross! I was shocked by how quickly I had lost a taste for something that I used to love and enjoy regularly. I will not be going back to my diet drinks.

Similarly, we have had to develop a taste for grape flavored Prilosec in Makafui. The stuff is kind of odd, a little bit sweet and faux-grapey at first, but then kind of sour. When he first started taking it, it was very difficult to get the entire dose in and I dreaded those two times a day. It wasn't long though before he started taking it better and better and now, I think he actually likes it!

I've thought about this whole developing a taste thing a lot. One, I hope we are able to successfully develop good taste preferences in M when he starts eating solids. But more importantly than that, it got me to thinking about what we develop in ourselves (and now our child) simply because we practice those things a lot. Good things, like manners and helpfulness and bad things, like laziness. The thing about having a taste for something that is good, is that you don't like the bad stuff as much. It works in life just the same, but it's harder than changing food habits! I'm hoping M will soon develop a taste for long stretches of sleep. Ha!

Curses. Grounded.

I have this issue. The issue being that my baby doesn't sleep...much.

Once Makafui started his reflux meds, things were good, they were reeeeally good. It would take one or two times, but he would go down at about 8:30 and wake up every 3 hours, quickly eat and go right back to sleep. He'd be up for the day (and oh so delightful, I might add) at around 8:00. It was wonderful!

For the past week and a half or so, things have gone downhill fast and stayed there. We start bedtime routine at the same time, but he's not truly down for the night until sometime between 9 and 10-often closer to 10. That's lots of up and down! Then, he wakes up very often, about every 1-2 hours and it takes a lot longer to get him back to sleep, about 45 minutes. He's also up for the day, and grumpy, earlier.

I'm obviously not getting much sleep and it's catching up to me- I've been a borderline zombie the last few days.

I'm stumped and exhausted. So I decided to be a total genius and take to the web for some help. I sifted through a lot of things because there's a reason we aren't Baby Wise parents or Dr. Sears parents or Ferber parents or any other follow-someone-else's-method-to-a-tee parents.

What I found was that it seems every other baby on the planet Makafui's age/weight sleeps more than he does. I also read more about the "Dream Feed" and decided to give it a try.

To Dream Feed, you put your baby down for bed at their regular time and then before adult bedtime, between 10-11 usually, you go in and feed the baby in his sleep. In theory, the baby just eats and goes right back down, extending the time until their next feed. Sounds simple, huh?

So we tried. First, we had to stay awake til 10! Usually we run to bed as soon as we're sure M is asleep. So we waited. I went in and picked up my sleeping baby. Getting him to eat took a few tries, but he finally did...I was so excited! Then, I put him back down....and those beautiful brown eyes shot open and he started crrrrrying! Noooooo! Damn you, Dream Feed, damn you and damn you Internet!! I WOKE UP my baby! Who the hell does that?! 40 minutes later, he was back to sleep and an hour and a half after that, he was up for a feeding. The stupid Dream Feed did nothing good and if anything, made things worse!!!

What is happening?!

We haven't changed anything, he just quit sleeping well. He has a regular nighttime routine, he sleeps in a cool, dark room, with white noise. He is full, has a fresh diaper and is swaddled. He gets plenty of love, attention and food during the day, so I know his "tank" is full.

So what am I gonna do (other than wash my mouth out with soap)? No more baby advice from the Internet. I'm grounding myself from Babycenter and all other stupid baby websites.

Instead, I'm listenin' to my Mama-duh! (I'm not grounded from her) When you don't know what to do, keep doing what you do know. And, each day is new, each night is new, just keep trying again and hoping for the best.

Here goes...I'm just gonna hope for the best and keep doing what I know, and what I think is best for M. Dear GOD, please let this phase end soon!

And since you got to the end of my tirade, here's some cuteness!