Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I'm a planner. It's just a part of who I am. I thrive on plans and structure and organization. I like to plan eeeevvvveeeerrrrrything. You would think that I would have quit planning after years of every major plan I had not working out. Nope. I'm still planning!
Some things have changed though....I'm learning to let go of the plan and prioritize things that can't be planned.
Yesterday, I had a job interview. This job was fewer hours than I currently work and more money! I was pumped! The wheels were turning and my life plans for how this job would impact us were in full swing! I prayed before I went that God would make it clear to me whether this was the right job or not. I had faith that I would know instantly if this was "it" (and I knew our future would be amazing because of it).
Apparently God thinks I'm a big girl...He did not make is abundantly clear. Instead, critical thinking and prioritizing were needed...this is a theme in my life right now.
When it came down to it, the money, (which was speaking so loudly when I applied for this job) really wasn't the biggest deal. I had a good interview, but turned the job down. I just didn't like what my life would be with that job.
So I won't be getting a new Coach purse or those amazing over-the-knee boots from Nordstrom. And yes, we will be waiting even longer before we can get a car or have a baby or buy a house...all things I had planned for in our near future. Things I thought I needed; maybe to be happy, maybe to feel secure, maybe because I'm greedy...I'm not sure why.
I'm finding out that I'm really okay with letting go of the plan. I will always be a planner and a dreamer and we still want those things, but there's no rush.
I remember in those awkward high school years, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life, and it had to be great. I would say things to my mom like, "I don't want the world to pass me by!" (Oh the angst!) Now, I want to drive in the slow lane and enjoy the ride. I don't want to pass the world by.

2 comments:

Aubrey Hansen said...

Bethany-
You already know this, but I am the same way and I know how you feel. Thanks for teaching me to enjoy life and not let it pass me by.

She thinks too hard! said...

You make me smile and help me to remember what is important!