Keep Calm & Carry On

There has been SO MUCH emotional energy flowing over the past several weeks that I might have just used up all of my emotions! I'm very much in a keep calm and carry on place.

Yesterday, I had a tough conversation with a friend. A conversation that left me feeling hurt and judged and just sad. This isn't the first time this has happened, but I had been protecting George's feelings before, so this was the first time I told him about it. And I told him aaallllll about it. He was, well, mad? hurt? I'm not sure exactly how to quantify it, but he was certainly fired up and more affected by it than I thought he would be. As we sat together holding hands and discussing what had happened, it dawned on me- we are okay. And we're going to be okay! While people's opinions and judgements hurt, they aren't necessarily true and they don't determine the future. We're not sure about the purpose of "community" since my preferred method of isolation during tough times seems prevent a lot of heartache, but we are okay nonetheless.

We know that in this moment, we are where we're supposed to be. No one else can know that but us-no one else is hearing the same thing from God and walking in our shoes, down our path. Our tough spot is not a result of a bad resume or poor interviewing skills, or any other man made, man fixable issue. I don't know why we are here, but we are. I also know, God is still listening and He is doing something!

I am constantly amazed as I read about the development of our baby and as I feel him kick and move around. Our great God came up with this! It's completely mind blowing! That is one HUGE and amazing God! Needing a job and a place to live and way to pay for medical care is a man-sized problem. God can handle it and it's not wrong of me to expect Him to do so.

I told G last night that sometimes I just want to hide out with our baby. He laughed and asked if he would come home and find me in the laundry room. That's not what I mean though-I haven't quite entered crazyville. I mean, I'm so happy to have this baby and I love him so much and he hasn't had any disappointments yet. No one has hurt his heart. "The Church" has not let him down, he has not felt the crush of God's silence. That won't last long and I want to savor it and rest in knowing that for now, he is safe from all the crap that gets hurled our way. That probably sounds silly to some of you, but it's how I feel.