Preparing, preparing!!

With all the uncertainty of job, living situation and finances, I have not been able to prepare for Cocoapuff as much as I thought I would have by now. Until this week! I have had a BLAST preparing for the little guy! :)

It started last week with some mega-coupons and JoAnn (saved a TON by printing coupons from their website...it was way better than the ones they send out in the mail). My mom and dad went with me so we could each use a coupon-and dad waited in the cutting line like a champ! Then, we went to Lowe's...that made up for dad having to suffer through JoAnn and got the needed supplies for refinishing Cocoapuff's crib!!

We bought a very simple crib early on with the intent of refinishing it for a custom look at a fraction of the price. I completely took over our apartment to tackle this project, but now the basic white crib is a rich "Molten Penny". I LOVE IT! Can't wait to see it assembled in his room with all the fabrics. :) I'm not sure how well the final color photographs because it's a metallic w/ shimmer...pics just don't do it justice. I am glad I didn't wait to refinish it 'til we were in the new place as being any bigger would not have worked! Excuse my yucky painting look.

Next, I started on my burp cloth stash!! One of the very few up sides to working at that bad place, was being exposed to lots of different products. One of the items I loved were the Bebe Au Lait burp cloths (Bebe Au Lait and Hooter Hiders are the same fancy company:). Unfortunately, they are expensive....$22 for 3 cloths!! I got a set at a massive discount so I could use it as inspiration. Then, I made my own version. I learned how to make bias tape and had a lot of fun figuring it out. I made 14 of my version for about $14! Boo-yah Bebe Au Lait! The big name one is on the left and mine is on the right.

Yesterday is where the real fun came in! My mom and I spent 6 hours working on Cocoapuff's bedding. I had sketched the design and written out what fabric went where, but when it came time to actually cut it, we certainly needed BOTH of our brains! Ha ha! Here is a little taste of the bumper pads.... BTW, I am aware that bumper pads are pretty controversial, and I have made an informed decision to use them. ;)

The bed skirt was a super fun project and ended up being a hybrid of several different paper patterns and online tutorials.

Here is a taste of the skirt...that rug won't be in the baby's room, but it looks kind of cool with it. :)

I am so thankful for a great sewing machine, for having been taught how to sew, for being able to prepare for my baby and I am most thankful for having such a great mom to do these things with!!

It's really fun to be pregnant as we approach Christmas. I think a lot about Mary and how she prepared for Jesus. I wonder what her swaddling cloths were like and what other things she did in anticipation for his arrival. Fun thought. And here is the 30 week bump. This little boy is getting BIG!

It finally happened...

Generally, I'm not a very fearful person. However, since I've been pregnant, I have been afraid of falling-I'm not sure why, but it's The Big Scary to me.

On Black Friday, we had an immigration appointment. The appointment went amazingly well-it was super fast and easy and COMPLETELY drama free. As we left the immigration center and headed to the car, it finally happened. I'm not sure what led to what, but before I knew it, in all my pregnant glory, I ate it!! I had slammed down on my knee and ended up on my butt half way on the sidewalk and halfway in the parking lot.

Thankfully, G was with me and I think even slowed the fall and thankfully, The Belly was safe and Cocoapuff is fine. My one pair of awesome Pea in the Pod maternity jeans on the other hand, ripped!! (And of course I got them on a great deal, so I can't replace them for what I paid.) I wasn't quite sure at one point if I was crying because I was scared of hurting Cocoapuff, because I was embarrassed, because my knee hurt or because I ruined my jeans!

So since it finally happened, I hope the fear of falling and the actual falling part is out of my system...I've reached my quota. I'm also hoping I can find a great Cyber Monday deal on some new maternity jeans.

Thanksgiving!!

I sure do love this time of year and I really love that we slow down and take a moment to just be thankful.

This is the first Thanksgiving since we were kids that all the siblings AND my dad will be here (he usually works on Thanksgiving). Aaaaand, it's the first time ever that all of us are together with our spouses. Wonderful!

This has been a VERY tough year for most of my family. There has been a lot of loss and heartache. There's been a lot of hurt (and when one of us hurts, many of us hurt right along with them). There has been a lot of painful waiting...and silence from our great God. There's been higher than usual amounts of stress on most of us. There's been struggling on many, many fronts. Frankly, it's been really hard.

Except for God. Because of Him, that's not the end of the story. Our God has come to us and blessed us in more ways than we can count, and maybe even more ways than we will ever know. He has and continues to bring healing to our hearts and to the hurt that lingers. He has a plan in the midst of all the waiting...sometimes He shares the plan, other times, not so much. Even in that though, we are not without hope, we are not without faith, and we are certainly not alone. He has reminded us to lean not on our own understanding and to keep giving our stress and our troubles back to Him. NONE of us has gone without needs! God continues to provide for us in BIG ways. He hears our prayers and answers us and He comes to us in our time of need. I am so thankful for that and I am so thankful that I am in a family that celebrates that as well.

God is so good to us. Happy Thanksgiving!

Joy Thieves

I go to a Bible Study at church on Thursdays and I've really been enjoying it. We have a lecture (which is always great!) and then break up into a small group for discussion. It's been a huge blessing to me and I want to share some of it.

Last week, a woman was sharing something her husband had just said to her. He told her, "Comparison is the thief of all joy." It got me to thinking about joy and how if I allow it to happen, it really can be stolen away. I will admit, while comparing "stuff" isn't a gigantic struggle for me, comparing character and what I think the related blessings are, is. For instance, I don't really covet people's specific jobs or salary, but I might look at someone and think, "That person doesn't even work half as hard as my husband does and/or he doesn't care about God at all and look at the great job he has." Doing that really steals the joy and diminishes the blessing I have in an amazing hard working husband. I do NOT want to do that!

This statement got me to thinking, what else do I allow to steal my joy? One area has been anxiety over pregnancy weight gain...yes, I'm serious. I was super freaking out about the weight gain (something everyone KNOWS is gonna happen and is healthy!!) and I really was letting it steal some of the joy of this amazing pregnancy. I'm working on giving it back to God anytime that anxiety creeps up and focusing on the joy of a healthy, smooth pregnancy.

Here is my huge one. People and my emotions toward them. I allow people and their asinine comments or actions to rain on my parade and steal my joy, not just once, but over and over again! You have probably gathered this about me. I don't want that to keep happening. I'm not going to let the joy of life in general, or big or small events be trampled or stolen either by people specifically or by my lack of control in my emotions towards those people. I am working on "...taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ." Some days, it's pretty easy, other days....not so much.

I am thankful for a great Bible Study.

The Thanksgiving cut...

In celebration of life, health and with Thanksgiving on the brain and in my heart, I made the cut! 11 inches to be exact. Sending my hair off to Pantene to be made into a wig for a cancer patient. Happy early Thanksgiving!! P.S. I hate self taken pictures.

Nieces & Nephews

My little sister and her hubby are embarking on a new adventure....Foster Parenting!!

Ryan and Tiffany

They got licensed today and could get placed at any moment! I will admit, when I first heard they wanted to do this I was worried for them and wondered how much they had thought this through and if they realized how hard this would be (but I didn't say any of that to her, just asked some pointed questions;). While love and concern made me think that way, it was kind of silly because we are all called to do hard things and that shouldn't slow us down from obedience. I'm sure people are thinking the same about us right now! I prayed for them and for this adventure and God has made it clear that this is what they are called to do. I am very proud of them and so excited for their faith walk and new adventure.

While George and I are not called to this same mission right now, we have a huge part to play-my whole family does, really. The children who will come in and out of my sister and brother in-law's home are going to be needy. They are most likely not from Christian homes and their time in foster care may be the only time in their lives that they have a real family and a Christ loving one at that! While Ryan and Tiffany will care for these kids full time, our family will be a much needed support system. We have the opportunity to make a BIG impact in the lives of these little ones!

I am excited to see what the future holds and am praying for my future "nieces and nephews" however many that is and however long they are in our lives! The holidays may be verrry interesting this year. ;)

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Birthday Boy!

Today is my hot husband's 30th Birthday!!

I am SO THANKFUL for him! He is so wonderful! He's loving, supportive, patient, kind, outgoing, funny, thoughtful, gorgeous, talented, smart, wise, humble, HARD WORKING, loyal, sweet and all around the best guy ever!! I am very, very blessed to be married to him and this baby is one fortunate guy to have George as his daddy!

I wanted today to be super special since 30 seems like a big deal, but as is usual for this man, he's working 13 hours today. No major gifts this year, and no time for a major celebration today, but it's a good day anyway. I'm filling it with all his favorites (to start, Chick-Fil-A for breakfast:) and making sure he knows just how awesome he is. Hopefully, we will get to REALLY celebrate soon! Happy 30th my Love!!

How exactly does this kid get out?

Last night was our first childbirth class. It was fun and funny. We made it a real date and followed it up with a hearty dessert!! (And btw, I found out yesterday that my glucose test was clear, no gestational diabetes...so we had to celebrate!)

The class was full of information and very relaxed, I am so glad we are taking it and look forward to the next 5 weeks.

Of course, there was a movie of an actual labor and delivery (on a GIGANTIC screen). I looked around and several of the dads in the class were hiding their faces! Thankfully, George was not one of them. He did comment afterwards that the husband sure did do a lot of work, he must have been tired. Ummmmm.....I'm just gonna leave that alone. The baby from the movie was 8lb 9oz and nearly everyone gasped or made comments about what a huge baby that was, I think some of those people are gonna be in for a huge surprise! lol!

The biggest thing G learned last night was that he will have to time contractions (I guess I forgot to mention that...oh yeah, and that we will stay home as long as possible, that was a surprise to him too)...they also told him how to do it. One step closer to being prepared.

We filled out a questionnaire with general info and had the opportunity to specify a topic we were most interested in having covered. Someone may or may not have said, "What do I do when the baby comes out?" So. Flippin. Funny. I didn't write that down.

We got to know some of the other couples in class and the topic of staying home with baby came up. One mom seemed kind of sad when I said I would and her husband made a joke about why they need her to work. I felt bad for her and blessed at the same time. Staying home to raise our baby is a conviction, a step of obedience and a sacrifice for us. One we think is well worth it. For now, everything seems to be lining up for us to continue with that plan. We are so thankful for a loving God who meets our needs and we pray that we will continue to be good stewards so we can follow through for the long haul.

Oh, and here is little dude at 27 weeks...

Happy November!!

I can't believe it's November already! I love November and we have a lot of big and fun things happening this month, most notably:

• George's 30th Birthday!!
• 3rd trimester starts. :)
• Unemployment hearing. :-/
• THANKSGIVING!!!!
• Gingerbread Lattes at Starbucks. Woot woot!!

I'm anxious about my hearing (which is Thursday!) but happy to get it over with. I think I am prepared as I can be.

I can't believe how fast this baby and his arrival are approaching. There's been another glitch in the whole living situation thing, but it will be okay. I'm not sure how, but I'm just givin' it back to God.

I'm excited for G's Birthday and hope we have more than just aging to celebrate! I want to make it a special day for him, even though it looks like he'll work all. day. long.

I love me some Thanksgiving!! I love that we spend sweet times together as a family, I love all the delicious food and I love that we slow down and recount God's goodness to us, especially in the midst of trials. This has been a tough year for a lot of my family members and I know many of us are looking forward to the encouragement and joy of Thanksgiving and to the dedicated time to thank God as we move forward.

And it's just Fall-ish and wonderful. We are really trying to slow down and take joy in the small things...things like a great cup of coffee on a chilly morning. Things like watching little birds and being reminded that God is caring for those little birds, how much more for us?

I post a lot about our worries or the hard things happening, it really helps me to process when I write it down and get it out. I don't want to give a one sided picture though, we are happy and very blessed in spite of our circumstances...I just don't need to "process" that as much. :)

Happy November!!

Great Expectations.

This week has been one of the most difficult weeks G and I have shared, spiritually speaking. We have some big decisions to make (and the clock is ticking) a lot of things to consider and not a lot of clear direction. I prayed and prayed that this exact situation we're in would not happen, and here we are.

I am exhausted and not handling this quite as well as I would like, I want to "give up" but I'm not even sure what that means. Partially, it's the whole pregnancy and intense emotions thing, and partially, this is just hard and it's not my turn anymore. I used to be Miss Take Charge-I had the answers, I had a plan & I would do it. Now, it's G's turn and I'm happy for him to take the lead. It doesn't exactly make it easy though.

I wish I could adequately share how amazing he is. I wish there were the right words to say to convey what a selfless, hard working, sacrificial husband he is. I am amazed and so, so thankful.

I heard back from unemployment this week. My appeal is coming up. I got a packet with all the stuff my employer said about me. It was creepy and full of lies. It made me feel trashed all over again and mad that people like them get away with crap and treating people so terribly. It also made me immensely thankful to be out of that place. I can't wait for this aspect of yuckiness to be over.

I keep going back to how and where God was leading us...especially to that place several months ago when we were excited for this adventure and pumped to see where it lead. The direction was simple: stop trusting in a job and start fully trusting in God. We didn't have a lot more than that, but we had confidence that our God would see us through. Some days, that is easier said than done. I feel like we are in that place of trusting God where somebody turned the lights out-we aren't sure which way is what or who is with us...it's just very dark.

I've been thinking a lot about our Cocoapuff's nursery. I had hoped we would get to have one and that I would be able to prepare it before he came. I have the paint, fabric, furniture and art picked out, and let me tell you, it's a great nursery! It might be time to shelf that dream for now. It makes me sad to do that and confused, since God has given me the talent and desire to make a beautiful home, but I guess I can make a pretty Master Bedroom/Nursery too. It's certainly not the end of the world and of course he'll be in our room in the beginning regardless, but dreaming and planning toward his place was a major bright spot for me. It will be a challenge since our bedroom is small, but we'll make it work.

We had some tough blows relationally not too long ago and a lot of the words that were spoken have come back to hurt all over again...especially in regards to some of those big decisions this week. I'm trying hard to give that back to God and focus on His truths for us, instead of other people's opinions, but it's hard. It also makes me very mindful of my words. The thing about words is, you can't unhear them or take them back. I want to be very careful not to dole out hurtful words that keep coming back, or words that aren't quite true. We've had a lot of broken promises lately, a lot of hopes set high because someone told us something that wasn't true. That hurts too, a lot. Words, they're tricky.

God is a complex fellow. We've been delving into His Word and trying to better understand His character and the depth of His involvement in our lives. I don't want Him in a box and I don't want to miss out on what He has for us. I'm confused about what that is though. I know He is great and can and will do great things. I also know that bad things happen to Christians and non-Christians alike. I really love the Psalms and the ongoing story of travail and triumph over and over again! Confidence in the unfailing God and an anguish that asks where He has gone. This is life. It was life then and is life now and the same truths remain.

I feel a lot like the Psalmist lately. Some days I am a total cheerleader for God's miracles and great love for us. I can go on and on about how huge He showed up in scripture and in the lives of people I know (and our life!). I can tell you with full conviction that He doesn't need the perfect job, economy, resume or interview, but that He WILL provide and in a BIG way. And other days, I am with the Psalmist in my utter despair, saying, "How long O Lord?" On those days I can think of all the bad things that happen to people who love God and are following Him. On those days I cry like the Psalmist as well, cry to God and just cry.

Despite my emotions, despite my circumstances, despite my bad days, despite how my heart aches for my husband in a way I didn't know was possible, despite how things looks on paper, I am not giving up-we are not giving up. We have GREAT expectations! We don't know what our life will look like tomorrow, or next week, or next year, but God does. And really, that's probably the best place to be. We are fully relying on God, some days by choice and some days because He's all we've got. We love our God, even when we don't understand Him and we are truly thankful for His provision and blessings on us.

I've tried to just focus on posting good or happy or surface things, cause the deep stuff hurts. There's not a lot to share that fits in that first category right now. It's been a hard week. I am really struggling to keep my emotions in check and to keep trusting our great God. I feel like I'm being toyed with and I'm lonely. Still hoping and praying for change....

Extreme Couponing??

I've been hearing a lot about this extreme couponing thing and I would love to save money anywhere I can, so I finally caught an episode at my mom's house. Ummmm.....what?! That show is insane and I was totally in shock (I know, I'm way behind in figuring this out). Aside from the fact that there is some serious hoarding going on, no one seems to be buying ANYTHING fresh (since there aren't coupons for the great healthy things that are grown or raised on a farm)! They buy a lot of junk, like tons of soda, candy bars and unrecognizable preservative laden stuff or just empty carbs, because it has a coupon. There don't even seem to be coupons for the semi-healthy shelf stable stuff. On top of that, these people are getting money BACK from their grocery stores-that just won't work in our area, I checked! So I'll keep using coupons when I can and shopping the sales, but I will never be an extreme couponer.

What I might be though, is an extreme shopper! I love finding great deals on high quality items that I love. My very first credit card was a Banana Republic store card-I got it on my 18th Birthday. It had a low limit and could only be used at the Gap family stores. Over the years, it somehow morphed into a Visa card and the limit got higher and higher. The perk is that I still get awesome reward coupons for the money we spend, so we use it as our family card. This month, we got a reward and I was determined to make it stretch as far as possible. I checked out Old Navy and the Banana Republic and Gap factory stores, but there was nothing that I really loved for any of us. Lucky for me, there is a mall on the way home from Bible Study, so I hit up BabyGap (side note:I love BabyGap- their clothes hold up so well to washing and wearing and the retail stores seem to always have a great sale or promo going on). Total score! They were having a sale on their sale items! I got a whole bag of cute things for Cocoapuff! The original retail price for all of it was $119, they were on sale, then an additional discount was taken off, then I applied my "reward" for a grand total of $0.44! Pretty cool, huh? I may not be able to do that at the grocery store, but I'll take what I can get! Here are a few of my favorites... The mushrooms are too darn cute! I got the matching hat for this one...the hat is bigger than the outfit, just in case he has a big ol' head like his Uncle. ;)

My little Cocoapuff is gonna be so stinkin' cute wearing that!!

In other much more important news: Immigration is SENT!!!! It is out of my hands and out of my house. I feel like a weight has been lifted and am confident in the paperwork we sent. Hopefully there are no bumps in the road and everything will be processed smoothly.

Pregnant and loving it!

I love being pregnant!

I think God is so cool that He came up with this whole pregnancy thing and I am having so much fun with it! Here are some of my favorite pregnancy things...

Sleep! I have always been someone who takes a loooong time to fall asleep and then would toss and turn a lot and get woken up easily. Not anymore! I sleep like a rock! So much so, that I am just a little bit concerned about this becoming a habit and not being able to wake up with Cocoapuff. My mom assures me that won't happen. :)

Hair. Though my hair still doesn't do quite what I want it to do, it seems a lot thicker and looks better after styling longer than it did before. Who doesn't want that? So glamorous!

The belly. I'm diggin' the belly! It makes getting dressed so much more fun because you can show off your belly instead of always trying to make it look smaller.

Eating. As you know, I'm all about healthy/clean/organic eating and try to eat that way as much as possible-even before pregnancy. But NOW it's just so much more fun! I think about what foods I eat helps Cocoapuff grow and what he "likes"-so far, I much prefer salty foods rather than sweets. Maybe he's gearing up for football Sundays with the guys? The other great food side effect is that I can say, "I think Cocoapuff really want this." and POW! I get it. I try not to abuse that power. George on the other hand tries to use it as much as possible, but no matter what he says, Cocoapuff still does not want a fast food burger. Sorry Babe.

Movement. Feeling Cocoapuff move is the most amazing thing. George asked me one day if he's playing. Good question, but try not to ponder that too much. He has started moving in response to music (so far he like Jesus music and College Indie the most-funny, me too!) which I think is so cool. He seems to stick his butt out at night and that cracks me up...based on his family, this could be him practicing his editorial comments...yep, he's ahead of the curve.

So I say all that to say that this is great and I'm glad that in the midst of job, financial and immigration stress, that we have this precious baby to look forward to. I want to keep enjoying every moment and miss anything by being in a rush.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:13-18

23 weeks, etc.

23 weeks! I can't believe how quickly time seems to be passing! I'm also happy that we have 17 more weeks to prepare for our little guy. In Cocoapuff development this week, he is growing nipples! How nice, he might look a little odd without them. :) And here's a bump update. Keep on cookin' baby!

I get to send immigration paperwork next week. Instead of feeling terrified that something bad will happen or that I'm gonna mess things up, I am feeling excited to reach this milestone and to be able to move forward! I still lay awake at night thinking of the immigration to-dos and make sure I haven't forgotten anything, but things are much more chill.

I made Cocoapuff a stuffed elephant out of Ghana fabric. Much to my surprise, it's cute! I'm excited to have time to brush up on my sewing skills. However, this pregnant thing is messing with my left brain-right brain communication. I can no longer sew by pressing buttons, I must have the pedal. I feel like such a dork!

The weather here has been really tough lately-extreme heat and drought and terrible fires. This weekend, it RAINED!!! Rain is so encouraging to me! There is a pond by our apartment that has been completely dried up for months-like cracked dirt, desert looking dried up. It made me sad every time I saw it. Now, the pond is full again! I feel so encouraged when I see it, like it somehow means we're gonna get filled up too.

Once upon a time...

G and I have been reminiscing a lot lately about when we first met and "the early days" of our relationship.

I told him all over again about when I first set eyes on him back in 2006 in Akatsi. I wanted to marry him-maybe even knew that I would. That still makes him feel pretty good about himself. :) I had no idea what would lie ahead, but even if I did, I wouldn't change anything.

We laughed at remembering the first time I took a tro-tro from Hohoe to Ho to see him-ALL BY MYSELF! For some reason, it was kind of a big deal for me. I learned for the first time though, that G's mom loving chastised him for letting me do that, which is why I didn't travel much alone beyond then. Haha!

We really laughed about the time that I had malaria and his mom gave me Martin's Liver Salts, as though it were just indigestion. For some reason that remedy didn't work.

We still feel a little bit sad when we think of the hard goodbyes we said. But we are joyful all over again when we remember his dramatic entrance to the US and how I waited and waited at the airport because I was not. leaving. without. him.

We are glad that though there were so, SO many people who had issues with my going to Ghana in the first place, that I held on to my convictions and that God made a way for us. He made a way for us then, He's made a way for us all throughout our relationship and He's making a way for us now.

What a story. We love remembering the good times...and the bad. I love that we will share this story with our kids. I love our life, even on the hard days (or maybe especially on the hard days, it seems that's when love is really put to the test) and I love that the moments we are living now will unravel into something great as well.

Deeeeeep breaths...

As you may remember, George's visa is conditional, based on our relationship and it's legitimacy. This month, we file to remove the conditions. That entails some basic paperwork, more money than I think is reasonable for someone to review the case (some biometrics at some point), and as much proof as possible that we really and truly are a loving couple and not visa fraudsters.

Well, anyone who knows us can plainly see that our relationship has absolutely nothing to do with immigration. We are in this together, forever, regardless of the country we live in or the paperwork we have to submit.

It seems so simple and non-emotional when put that way. Where was this logic at midnight last week?

Here's the kicker. We're dealing with the government. There are no rules or outlines as to how much proof is enough. And besides, how do you prove you love someone on a piece of paper? Co-mingling of property and money isn't exactly something you do because you love someone and have a legit relationship-it just happens...or doesn't on the more complicated things. Living together in and of itself doesn't prove love. A life insurance policy can be cancelled at any moment. Seriously, all these hoops and paperwork formalities don't prove a legit relationship.

It's hard to quantify things like, I will stick by his side no. matter. what. How can you notarize that he is still patient and loving even if I cry everyday over ridiculous things? (btw, it's not really everyday, it just seems that way sometimes) How do you have certified paperwork that includes things like I pick up his favorite cookies whenever I can? How can you prove you go visit someone for lunch, just because you love them and missed them over the last 5 hours? You can't easily quantify that you listen quietly to some of the most annoying "gospel" music ever because he loves it and it reminds him of home. We don't have any pictures of G surprising me by doing chores around the house or making the bed upside down. I have no documents that can attest to the fact that on most nights, when we go to bed, it takes us hours to actually go to sleep because we are talking about the day, praying for and dreaming of the future and laughing about all sorts of silly things. Those things don't transfer very well to government accepted documents.

While all of that was going through my mind, I was also thinking about all the documents we can send, and how some don't seem to be working out very well. I was thinking about how all of this is my responsibility and that if something is wrong, it's all my fault. I was thinking about how hard it was to be apart and how it might kill me to do again. I was freaking out about all the what ifs...what ifs that I will barely let myself think all the way through. And in a hormonal explosion, it all came tumbling out! I am scared.

And my sweet, sweet husband was my rock again and spent a lot of time talking me down even though he was exhausted. He asked me the hard "what if" questions, helped me work on a game plan and helped me realize that everything will be okay. I believe him.

Immigration is not fun. However, we will get through it. I'm so glad I have my man by my side!

My Baby Boy

We are just so in love with our little half cooked baby! We think about him all the time and imagine what life will be like when he is here.

Recently, he has become very active! We can both feel him wiggling around now and when he's super spunky, you can see my belly moving with him. He gets more active than usual (and in my opinion, seems to especially love it) when we read the Bible out loud-I love that!

I've never been a huge meat eater, but recently, I have an even smaller desire for meat. Maybe this baby will be a vegetarian? Haha, just kidding....my brothers would die!

I embellished a newborn size onesie with little guy's initial (Yes, we know his name! No, we aren't sharing!) it was waaaaaay harder than a 12 month onesie! Those things are tiny! Even though the tiny baby shirt isn't completely fabulous, it makes me smile every time I look at it...our cute son will wear it!

We think (but especially me, since I think too much) a lot about who this baby will be and what his life will be like. We pray for him often and pray for our parenting as well. I don't really care what our son does as a profession when he is grown, I'm not one of those people who thinks, "My son, the Dr...the lawyer...the CEO." What I do care about, a LOT, is his character and that is something that we have the power (with God's help and guidance) to shape and mold in him. Of course I want him to love the Lord, but there's more to it than that. I want him to ask hard questions and seek out the answers. I want him to be strong and tender hearted at the same time. I want him to be honest with himself and others. I want him to stand up for what he believes in and stand up for others as well. I want him to be a leader who doesn't trample or belittle. I want him to seek what God has for him and do it, regardless of the cost or what other people think about him. I want him to forgive and to ask forgiveness quickly. I want him to be creative and to use the gifts God has given him. I want him to love God's Word and hide it in his heart. I want him to marvel at God's creation. I want him to be content and to take great joy in the little things. I want him to be outgoing, without being self seeking or a story-topper. I want him to love his family dearly. I want him to be driven and hardworking, without being a workaholic. I want him to strive to do all things with excellence. I want him to be funny and to enjoy this wonderful life.

That's a lot, it may even seem like too much to put on a little baby who isn't even born yet. I don't think so though. His dad, his uncles and his Pops have these character qualities (I said them because they are men, but he's got some pretty kickin' women in his life too!)...he will have a lot of role models who love him and help us shepherd him. What a wonderful blessing!

Keep Calm & Carry On

There has been SO MUCH emotional energy flowing over the past several weeks that I might have just used up all of my emotions! I'm very much in a keep calm and carry on place.

Yesterday, I had a tough conversation with a friend. A conversation that left me feeling hurt and judged and just sad. This isn't the first time this has happened, but I had been protecting George's feelings before, so this was the first time I told him about it. And I told him aaallllll about it. He was, well, mad? hurt? I'm not sure exactly how to quantify it, but he was certainly fired up and more affected by it than I thought he would be. As we sat together holding hands and discussing what had happened, it dawned on me- we are okay. And we're going to be okay! While people's opinions and judgements hurt, they aren't necessarily true and they don't determine the future. We're not sure about the purpose of "community" since my preferred method of isolation during tough times seems prevent a lot of heartache, but we are okay nonetheless.

We know that in this moment, we are where we're supposed to be. No one else can know that but us-no one else is hearing the same thing from God and walking in our shoes, down our path. Our tough spot is not a result of a bad resume or poor interviewing skills, or any other man made, man fixable issue. I don't know why we are here, but we are. I also know, God is still listening and He is doing something!

I am constantly amazed as I read about the development of our baby and as I feel him kick and move around. Our great God came up with this! It's completely mind blowing! That is one HUGE and amazing God! Needing a job and a place to live and way to pay for medical care is a man-sized problem. God can handle it and it's not wrong of me to expect Him to do so.

I told G last night that sometimes I just want to hide out with our baby. He laughed and asked if he would come home and find me in the laundry room. That's not what I mean though-I haven't quite entered crazyville. I mean, I'm so happy to have this baby and I love him so much and he hasn't had any disappointments yet. No one has hurt his heart. "The Church" has not let him down, he has not felt the crush of God's silence. That won't last long and I want to savor it and rest in knowing that for now, he is safe from all the crap that gets hurled our way. That probably sounds silly to some of you, but it's how I feel.

Bumps in the road...

This week has started off tough (again!) but already seems to be taking a turn for the better.

I found out yesterday that I am being denied my unemployment rights. That was shocking and very upsetting to me, since obviously that money would be helpful and much needed right now. I didn't find out the reason until today. Get this- insubordination. Yes, you read that right, not signing an erroneous document (and might I mention illegal in areas) was in direct 'disobedience' to my supervisor. Blah, blah! That was NOT a fun thing to hear....this company seems to be able to keep taking pot shots at me and it kind of hurts. Things aren't over yet though....

There have been lots of little things that have been adding up to be big things and that always sucks. Lots of little bumps in the road.

Thankfully, God has put me in a great family! My husband is always so strong and so full of faith, especially when I am not. My dad seems to have the uncanny ability to know exactly when I'm having a REEEALLY hard time and always calls me at that exact moment. He won't let me stay isolated or cry alone. My mom is always there for me to text, talk or to let me come to her office and just be. And then there's my sister, if you've known me (or read this blog) for a long time you know we have had our struggles. God has grown us so much recently and it has been such a blessing. Last night, as I settled in for a night of quiet, possibly sad contemplation, I heard a knock on my door. I thought, "Oh great! Who is that?!" and snuck to the door quietly to peer through the peep-hole. Tiffany was standing there with the biggest Decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte I have ever seen! We cried a little, but then we laughed and talked and ate and laughed some more. There are several more sweet friends who are daily on their knees praying for us- they send us e-mails and texts with verses or details about how they pray. They contact people they know about jobs. And sometimes, they leave beer and burgers on our porch. I am thankful for this network of friends and family.

Not all bumps are bad bumps though! This one is by far my favorite!

We love our Cocoapuff so, so much! We are so blessed that God is growing him into our family and giving us this great, great joy! Things are looking up...

Happy Day!

Yesterday was our "Super Sono" or Anatomy Scan as the medical types like to say. It was such a huge blessing and delight for us to see our baby in the midst of this tough, tough week.

Everything checks out great! Cocoapuff is on target in growth and completely average-nothing out of the ordinary. We were so happy to hear that and then to find out that our baby is a BOY!! G is the only person who thought he was boy and he's glad that he was right! While I thought it was a girl, I was thrilled to learn he is a boy and have completely switched my thinking to 100% boy! We love our little Cocoapuff so much and it's so fun to be able think of him as our son!