Deeeeeep breaths...

As you may remember, George's visa is conditional, based on our relationship and it's legitimacy. This month, we file to remove the conditions. That entails some basic paperwork, more money than I think is reasonable for someone to review the case (some biometrics at some point), and as much proof as possible that we really and truly are a loving couple and not visa fraudsters.

Well, anyone who knows us can plainly see that our relationship has absolutely nothing to do with immigration. We are in this together, forever, regardless of the country we live in or the paperwork we have to submit.

It seems so simple and non-emotional when put that way. Where was this logic at midnight last week?

Here's the kicker. We're dealing with the government. There are no rules or outlines as to how much proof is enough. And besides, how do you prove you love someone on a piece of paper? Co-mingling of property and money isn't exactly something you do because you love someone and have a legit relationship-it just happens...or doesn't on the more complicated things. Living together in and of itself doesn't prove love. A life insurance policy can be cancelled at any moment. Seriously, all these hoops and paperwork formalities don't prove a legit relationship.

It's hard to quantify things like, I will stick by his side no. matter. what. How can you notarize that he is still patient and loving even if I cry everyday over ridiculous things? (btw, it's not really everyday, it just seems that way sometimes) How do you have certified paperwork that includes things like I pick up his favorite cookies whenever I can? How can you prove you go visit someone for lunch, just because you love them and missed them over the last 5 hours? You can't easily quantify that you listen quietly to some of the most annoying "gospel" music ever because he loves it and it reminds him of home. We don't have any pictures of G surprising me by doing chores around the house or making the bed upside down. I have no documents that can attest to the fact that on most nights, when we go to bed, it takes us hours to actually go to sleep because we are talking about the day, praying for and dreaming of the future and laughing about all sorts of silly things. Those things don't transfer very well to government accepted documents.

While all of that was going through my mind, I was also thinking about all the documents we can send, and how some don't seem to be working out very well. I was thinking about how all of this is my responsibility and that if something is wrong, it's all my fault. I was thinking about how hard it was to be apart and how it might kill me to do again. I was freaking out about all the what ifs...what ifs that I will barely let myself think all the way through. And in a hormonal explosion, it all came tumbling out! I am scared.

And my sweet, sweet husband was my rock again and spent a lot of time talking me down even though he was exhausted. He asked me the hard "what if" questions, helped me work on a game plan and helped me realize that everything will be okay. I believe him.

Immigration is not fun. However, we will get through it. I'm so glad I have my man by my side!