Daily Bread

Today, as I was driving to work, praying to God that I would get through the day without saying something I would regret (or quitting) and BEGGING Him to release me from this place (which would require a great job for G with rockin' health insurance or winning the lottery-I'm ok with either option) it hit me-God IS providing for us!

I had become so consumed with worry about the future and hating my job, that I failed to realize God's provision now. He has been so faithful! We have more than our daily bread and it keeps getting better. God is continually providing for us each and every day...we not only have what we need, but He is even giving us a lot of our wants. How great is that?

Things will surely work out in our job situations-I don't know how or when, but I know that they will. In the meantime, I am going to try and focus more on our daily bread and daily blessings and less on the what-ifs of the future.

Baddest of the bad...seriously.

Since my conversation with my boss a week or two ago (you know, the one about me most probably getting the axe?) I have been having a hard time. By hard time, I mean that on days I have to go to work, I have a TERRIBLE attitude! Like, the baddest of the bad. I could teach Eeyore a thing or twelve, I find no good in ANYTHING (if you were to bring me a hot fudge sundae I would assume you wanted to make me fat, not that you are being nice) and I have only a teeny, tiny scrap of hope....if any.

Before, I worked at a sucky place, I knew that. But, I had decided to stay. I was going to wait it out until I felt like leaving, because I was in control. Now, the ball is in their court, not mine. My motivation, though small before, is pretty much non-existent now.

I beg God all the time to come through for us. I ask Him why He isn't answering, I point out His Biblical principles that would mean we shouldn't stay in this situation and I even pray to be sick sometimes so that I don't have to go to work (am I in the 3rd grade?). It has finally hit me that I'm no longer asking God to give me strength, endurance or peace. I am no longer asking Him (or caring about) working unto Him or being a witness at my job. I am just over it and I want out! Again, am I in the 3rd grade?

God has really convicted me about my poopy 'tude. (Which by the way, isn't it funny that you don't seem to hear God when you want an answer, but He's still pretty loud and clear about you being a butthead? What's up with that?) Also, about my lack of trust. I am mad because I am not in control of my situation. The truth is though, I never was and I never will be. And then I realized that I am scared because I'm not in control. And THAT is stupid. The God who created the universe is in charge. Even knowing that, I'm finding it hard to shake this attitude on work days (mind you, I'm fine when I'm not at work).

I know God has great things in store for us and we are sooooo blessed as it is. Jobs are the major thorn in our flesh right now and we realize that. In the midst of it though, it is SO HARD not to feel discouraged, the fearful, and to even have a bad attitude.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34

This passage has been a really great reminder to us lately. God knows what He's talking about (and though health insurance is not specifically included in this passage, in my mind, it is!) God is BIG and I know He will show up...He always does. This is a walk of faith, it's not always easy, but it's worth it. I love my God and I love the man He gave me and the life that we have...even when I'm grumpy, a stress-ball and a control freak. What's better is that God (and the Hubs) love me back...all the time. I am blessed.

Bad to worse....but God is bigger.

Things are getting more and more interesting around here. I keep thinking God is going to show up like, POW any minute....I'm still waiting.

Yesterday I had a meeting with my boss. He told me the position I was hired for (Nursery Designer, remember? It was gonna be a super awesome job!) still doesn't really exist in my company and in all honesty, it probably never will. I wasn't surprised by this at all-I had already figured out that I was working for a bunch of snakes who don't value honesty, work ethic or really human rights. So, he said, "Where does that leave you??" (with a creepy, brooding gaze) "I'm here," I said. (What I wanted to say, but thank you Holy Spirit that I didn't was, "No sh*t! You people have a reputation for stringing people along! I'm not a freaking idiot-I figured out about the time you came aboard that I was not going to be the nursery designer and that you had every intention of cleaning house and giving me the boot. I'm just buying my time till my husband gets a career job. I hate this place, yo!") He went on to say that I have the talent to be an amazing sales associate (ok? I think a monkey could be an amazing sales associate too, I don't know that talent comes in to play). However, I just don't have the enthusiasm for it and I don't seem to have a great desire or love for working there. Because of my lack of enthusiasm, I have some decisions to make and if I don't, they'll make them for me. In short-I better be so excited to be taken advantage of, underpaid, lied to and ripped off that I'm about to pee myself every time I walk into work OOOORRRRRRRR, they fire me. My boss complimented me on several things actually, I do my job, I'm just not giddy enough about it.

I didn't really have anything to say in this meeting. I wasn't even really that upset or surprised. To compound the situation, G heard back about a job he interviewed for recently (he rocked the interview)....he didn't get the job.

At bedtime, the weight of losing my salary and health insurance hit me hard, and so did the tears. Where is God? Why do I work at this crazy place? When exactly will I get the axe and how will it go? Why can't my husband get a job? He's awesome! He'd be great at so many things! Why won't anyone hire him?!

So that's what's going on. Sucky. I know that God cares about this and sees this. I don't know why He hasn't moved yet. So we're calling all prayer warriors...PLEASE pray with us! We need peace and wisdom and strength. And G needs a job! A great job that will support us and has health insurance! We know our God is big, this waiting part is never fun though....

34 years!

Today is my parents 34 year wedding anniversary! My parents have been through so much in that time and have set a great example for the marriages around them. I am proud and blessed to have them in my life and glad that I can always go to them for encouragement. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, WE LOVE YOU!!

Back in the swing of things...

Wouldn't it be great if life was like a vacation ALL the time? Ha! We are back in the swing of things and back to work. We've both been searching for jobs and back to asking God what is going on! We still feel a bit perplexed as to what His plan is and the point of all this waiting. G wants to have a career job and to be our family's provider desperately...and I want that for him as well. We have faith that God will come through, but as always, the waiting isn't very fun.

Please pray for us. Pray that God would reveal His plan for us in our job situations and pray for the perfect job for George.

R & R

It took us a little longer than most couples, but George and I finally went on a honeymoon! We waited and waited and planned and saved and it finally came! WOW! It was a much needed break, a wonderful time to relax, enjoy, explore, recharge and just be together. This was our very first trip together and was quite memorable. Fabulous is a great way to describe it, some pictures help too...

So I'm surprised I have the guts to post that last picture (I couldn't put it on facebook) but it really cracks me up. Yes, I am wearing a scandoulous swimsuit (I used to weigh more than 200lbs and I'm on my honeymoon, so whatever). What kills me is the look on G's face! What?! Is he trying out for ANTM? Lol!

Anyway, in addition to seeing great things, trying lots of new things, eating TONS and hanging out at the pool/hot tub/beach all day, we really got some time to reconnect and and get our tanks filled so to speak.

One of the things we loved the most was seeing God's great creation! It was inspiring to look around and see nothing but the ocean! He has created such wonderful things. We are inspired to trust in Him and His great plan for our lives, instead of in our own abilities for our future.

This trip really helped me to let go of my anger towards my job situation and my insecurity and anxiety about our future. I have peace that this great God who created the universe and gave people the brains to build a super-ship like what we were on, knows what's going on. I feel totally refreshed and renewed...and very, very blessed!!

Happy Mom's Day

I love my Mama so, so much! She has always been such an awesome support to me and my biggest cheerleader. She's also my best girlfriend!! I'm so glad I have her and that we live so close by. Today is a good day hanging out with and honoring her.

On another note, gonna get through this week okay...our delayed Honeymoon begins on Saturday. I. AM. SO. PUMPED. The timing could not be better! One whole week with my man...no work, no stress, just us...the ocean....great food and fabulosity. Here goes-Monday, bring it on.

Not doin' well...

So, long story short. My wonderful dream job that I've been working my a$$ off for is a joke. I have been used and taken advantage of. The expectations put on me are changing all the time and I'm not being notified of those changes. When I speak up for myself and for my rights the response from my bosses is terrible. I am very sad and very confused. I need serious wisdom to walk through this and to work as unto the Lord. Please pray for me.

....It's time to go find my uniform shirt and Big Girl Panties so I can get through this day....

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

A piece of me died...

So, I have a new "manager" at my job. He thinks we should wear uniforms. Excuse me, he doesn't call them uniforms, he just calls them polos. I think that is a terrible idea! I protested the uniforms....I seriously protested them. I voiced my opinion immediately, then I sent an e-mail to make sure the message got across.

I explained that one of the selling points of my company was casual dress (I dress up actually, so freedom of dress is a better term). I got on a soap box with a microphone and stood up for the individuality of our company. I went on and on about how we are NOT Babies R Us or Target, but we are fresh, modern, different. I told him that NO ONE would drop 10 Grand on a nursery from a designer with a yucky polo on. I said really, my designer clothes are much better, they say, SPEND! I also pointed out that the green polos are simply ugly and it's stupid that we have PAY for them.

I was right, I was soooo right! Unfortunately, manager won...sort of. Once we are selling enough nurseries to support me being the full time nursery person, I get to phase in my own clothes.

Until then? Ugly polo.

This crushed me. I like to wear nice clothes, preferably designer. I like my clothes to be neat and tidy, to fit well, to be colorful and feminine! Great shoes are important too. I felt like my individuality was taken away. Whaa whaaa.

I must admit, I ranted and raved about these shirts. I have rolled my eyes or said something not exactly nice about these shirts since the moment I learned we had to wear them. I may have even been a wee bit dramatic about the whole thing.

Alas, the shirts are here. I brought my two shirts home today and thought, "Okay Bethany, these may not be so bad after all...let's give it a try!" I'm pretty good at pep talks like that. So I put it on and much to my surprise...

IT. IS. TERRIBLE!!!!!!!

I am not even joking. It wasn't better than I expected, it was worse!!!

See for yourself, below is as it should be worn- jeans (khakis are allowed as well) polo shirt and sensible shoes...

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Gag me!! First, I look like a BOY. Second, I look like I've gained at least 15 pounds. Third, NO ONE will trust someone who looks like that to design a nursery...especially pricey ones!! Can I get an Amen?!

So, I tried to amp it up a little. I started by switching to BR cropped chinos. Still terrible. I then put on Kate Spade sandals...even Kate Spade couldn't salvage this outfit. I added my new, blingy Michael Kors watch (thanks, honey!). Nope, still terrible. Then I amped it up even more-HUGE rhinestone ring, HUGE "pearl" and rhinestone necklace, rhinestone chandelier earrings, AND a blingy bracelet. I also unbuttoned all of the buttons. Nope, still terrible.

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A smile and a pose didn't help either. A piece of me has died. This. Is. Yucky.

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I think Sewphia is coming out for some alterations...as if that will help. Side note-it photographs WAY better than it looks in person!

Church People

Last night was our church group, which I normally love. Someone asked me about a prayer request I had brought up before...so I gave an update. Then, more questions were asked. Before I knew it, I was in the throws of people's opinions and judgement (though they have no clue what's really going on). I felt stuck, and judged and attacked....and very, very sad.

Today I'm thinking, "Have I done that to people?" Do I judge and advise on what's going on in other people's lives instead of a simple, "I'm sorry." and some true prayer? Is that all that should be done? How should these church relationships work?

That's what I'll be thinking about as I put cribs together today. I really don't want to be a church person...

And then I somehow got boring...

I used to have the coolest story in the room...maybe even in a couple of rooms. I would meet people for the first time and they seemed to already know me because my story had gotten around. I had the coolest story in the room for all sorts of different reasons...and then, I somehow got boring.

My co-workers talk about all these cool, hip places they go. Places that have $100 covers or "the best sushi in town" or weird western/country stuff that I don't even understand.

Me? Well, the hubs and I turn up Pandora, dance like we're idiots, sip Aplletinis and eat steak pinwheels and cous cous from a healthfood store. That is my weekend....I guess cool stories are overrated.

On another note, my work project is going great! Hopefully we open/finish in the next two weeks! I'm super pumped and super proud of myself...I'll post pics when all is said and done.

My sweet Nonnie

This is my sweet Nonnie. She went to be with Jesus on Sunday morning. We miss her so much already! She was SUCH a prayer warrior and made sure to know what was going on with each of her 2 children and many grandchildren so she could faithfully pray for them. She was very proud of us. She really loved the Lord and though we are sad sometimes, we are mostly rejoicing that she is heaven with Jesus.

Busy, busy, busy, blah, blah, blah...

It's been nearly a month since my last post! Things are very busy (blah, blah...I say that all the time). It's a bummer that I don't have time to post because God sure is working in our lives and I want to remember it and share it.

Still no career job. We are not without hope though. We are putting our trust in God for this elusive job and for the benefits it will have on our family. Some days we have to give the anxiety about the job and temptation to lean on our own understanding back to God a thousand times! Other days, it's pretty easy to let God keep all that stuff!

My job is going pretty well. It's a little insane since all of our deadlines are now looming, but it's a great job. The flip side of that is, my company has added two employees in the last two weeks. Two kind of annoying employees. Lucky me, one sits in front of me and the other is kind of my new boss. I have started praying a LOT more through the day as I'm afraid I'll break soon and unleash on both of these people. You would understand if I shared stories....but I won't.

God has really been blessing our marriage. I feel like through these struggles God keeps drawing us closer together and closer to Him. I sure do love that!

Some of my family members are really struggling and that makes me sad. I wish I could do something for them.

So there is the quick and slightly random update. Hopefully I'll have something funny to post next time!

Conversations With Jesus

We didn't make it to church today, but were able to watch the sermon online. Wow. We sure do love our church. Today's sermon was the perfect encouragement for us as we continue to wait on God for several things. Conversation 2 especially resonated with us. I thought others might like to hear it as well- I hope the link works. Click here.

Have a great week!

Sick Hubby

George has come down with something nasty...I'm hoping it's not the flu!

This is the first time in our relationship that he's been for real sick. I hate to say it, but I'm a little bit glad that this has happened. I am glad to have a reason to stop everything, stay home and take care of him. We aren't packing our weekend full like we usually do-we're just resting. I feel like a real wife today! Between checking on G and bringing him food and medicine, I am doing the laundry, cleaning up the apartment, shopping online, baking and cooking. All things I haven't really done in a while because I've been too busy. I'm sorry George is sick, but I'm enjoying this domestic gig! :)

Stress-Ball Freakazoid

I....am a stress-ball freakazoid. That is why I haven't blogged lately.

I wrote a blog about life and balance and seasons on Saturday last week. It was so gut level honest that it made me cry. I didn't post it. Since Saturday, I have gotten some much needed encouragement, some perspective and a little more of the balance I have been looking for. So I'm hoping to be less of a stress-ball freakazoid.

I have realized that I have put SO MUCH pressure on myself! Pressure to be the provider, pressure to also be the perfect wife and supporter, pressure on all my work projects, pressure to be a great friend and family member, pressure to find my husband a job, pressure to look a certain way....you get the point. I guess I reached my limit this past weekend.

The truth is, God is in control of most of those things and I need to let Him be in control of them. The things I have control of? Loosening the grip a little would be good.

So here goes! I'm focusing on being in the moment, realizing this is a season and striving for balance. I'm praying more and worrying just a little bit less. Hopefully I'll stop being a stress-ball freakazoid soon...

P.S. I hate this stupid weather!!

1 YEAR!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!!!

I sure do love this man!

Lame-o blogger

Hey blog world! I have been such a lame blogger recently!!

The biggest reason for my terrible blogging is my job. Work is going really well, but really busy! I just found out our timeline for a huge project has moved up nearly a month so the pressure is on! Maybe I'll post pics of these big projects when they finally come together. ;)

George's job is going well too, but sometimes I feel like we don't get to see each other enough. I'm super blessed that I work a later shift (well, most days) because when he comes home from work at 10pm, we can still talk and spend time together for a few hours and not worry about an early morning wake up.

Things are going well. I can't believe our anniversary is coming up! :)

My American Boy...sort of.

I really can't believe that tonight marks 1 year in the US for George!! What a year it has been! My man has done a great job adjusting to so many new things! I am so happy he's here and so proud of all he has accomplished this year!

I'll post pictures and all that junk later. :) For now, it's time to celebrate with homemade pizza!

Celebration, remembrance and learning...

Saturday was Nathan's funeral/celebration of his earthly life. (I started writing this then, but I'm just now finishing/posting)

Wow. It was hard (meaning, I cried a lot) but it was also good. Nathan was a Christian and knew exactly where he would be going when he left this earth. He was not afraid of death and knew he would be with Jesus soon. That is a very wonderful and happy thought. It's sad though, to think of his family here without him...to think of parents burying their little boy. There is also peace, as he will not continue to suffer through cancer treatments, procedures, sickness and pain. He is happier now than any of us could even imagine.

I have known Nathan's family for a while now (14 years or so) and have watched them through lots of transitions. It's true about 'who you are under pressure is who you are.' This family is gold. They have walked this difficult path with such faith, love and honesty. At every turn they have worked hard to bring glory to God (whether they got good news or bad). They kept loving God and loving His people even through such a hard time.

What has grabbed me the most about this precious family is their complete selflessness and their uninhibited desire to follow God-no. matter. what. There is just so much to say about this family...and so much to learn from them. They have truly inspired me. It's made me really step back and take a look at my/our life. I don't want to be a person who is stuck on myself or who follows God only when it feels good or brings happiness. Of course, I don't try to be selfish...but I guess I need to try harder to be the opposite. I'm really blessed to have great people in my life to learn from.