Not doin' well...

So, long story short. My wonderful dream job that I've been working my a$$ off for is a joke. I have been used and taken advantage of. The expectations put on me are changing all the time and I'm not being notified of those changes. When I speak up for myself and for my rights the response from my bosses is terrible. I am very sad and very confused. I need serious wisdom to walk through this and to work as unto the Lord. Please pray for me.

....It's time to go find my uniform shirt and Big Girl Panties so I can get through this day....

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

A piece of me died...

So, I have a new "manager" at my job. He thinks we should wear uniforms. Excuse me, he doesn't call them uniforms, he just calls them polos. I think that is a terrible idea! I protested the uniforms....I seriously protested them. I voiced my opinion immediately, then I sent an e-mail to make sure the message got across.

I explained that one of the selling points of my company was casual dress (I dress up actually, so freedom of dress is a better term). I got on a soap box with a microphone and stood up for the individuality of our company. I went on and on about how we are NOT Babies R Us or Target, but we are fresh, modern, different. I told him that NO ONE would drop 10 Grand on a nursery from a designer with a yucky polo on. I said really, my designer clothes are much better, they say, SPEND! I also pointed out that the green polos are simply ugly and it's stupid that we have PAY for them.

I was right, I was soooo right! Unfortunately, manager won...sort of. Once we are selling enough nurseries to support me being the full time nursery person, I get to phase in my own clothes.

Until then? Ugly polo.

This crushed me. I like to wear nice clothes, preferably designer. I like my clothes to be neat and tidy, to fit well, to be colorful and feminine! Great shoes are important too. I felt like my individuality was taken away. Whaa whaaa.

I must admit, I ranted and raved about these shirts. I have rolled my eyes or said something not exactly nice about these shirts since the moment I learned we had to wear them. I may have even been a wee bit dramatic about the whole thing.

Alas, the shirts are here. I brought my two shirts home today and thought, "Okay Bethany, these may not be so bad after all...let's give it a try!" I'm pretty good at pep talks like that. So I put it on and much to my surprise...

IT. IS. TERRIBLE!!!!!!!

I am not even joking. It wasn't better than I expected, it was worse!!!

See for yourself, below is as it should be worn- jeans (khakis are allowed as well) polo shirt and sensible shoes...

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Gag me!! First, I look like a BOY. Second, I look like I've gained at least 15 pounds. Third, NO ONE will trust someone who looks like that to design a nursery...especially pricey ones!! Can I get an Amen?!

So, I tried to amp it up a little. I started by switching to BR cropped chinos. Still terrible. I then put on Kate Spade sandals...even Kate Spade couldn't salvage this outfit. I added my new, blingy Michael Kors watch (thanks, honey!). Nope, still terrible. Then I amped it up even more-HUGE rhinestone ring, HUGE "pearl" and rhinestone necklace, rhinestone chandelier earrings, AND a blingy bracelet. I also unbuttoned all of the buttons. Nope, still terrible.

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A smile and a pose didn't help either. A piece of me has died. This. Is. Yucky.

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I think Sewphia is coming out for some alterations...as if that will help. Side note-it photographs WAY better than it looks in person!

Church People

Last night was our church group, which I normally love. Someone asked me about a prayer request I had brought up before...so I gave an update. Then, more questions were asked. Before I knew it, I was in the throws of people's opinions and judgement (though they have no clue what's really going on). I felt stuck, and judged and attacked....and very, very sad.

Today I'm thinking, "Have I done that to people?" Do I judge and advise on what's going on in other people's lives instead of a simple, "I'm sorry." and some true prayer? Is that all that should be done? How should these church relationships work?

That's what I'll be thinking about as I put cribs together today. I really don't want to be a church person...

And then I somehow got boring...

I used to have the coolest story in the room...maybe even in a couple of rooms. I would meet people for the first time and they seemed to already know me because my story had gotten around. I had the coolest story in the room for all sorts of different reasons...and then, I somehow got boring.

My co-workers talk about all these cool, hip places they go. Places that have $100 covers or "the best sushi in town" or weird western/country stuff that I don't even understand.

Me? Well, the hubs and I turn up Pandora, dance like we're idiots, sip Aplletinis and eat steak pinwheels and cous cous from a healthfood store. That is my weekend....I guess cool stories are overrated.

On another note, my work project is going great! Hopefully we open/finish in the next two weeks! I'm super pumped and super proud of myself...I'll post pics when all is said and done.

My sweet Nonnie

This is my sweet Nonnie. She went to be with Jesus on Sunday morning. We miss her so much already! She was SUCH a prayer warrior and made sure to know what was going on with each of her 2 children and many grandchildren so she could faithfully pray for them. She was very proud of us. She really loved the Lord and though we are sad sometimes, we are mostly rejoicing that she is heaven with Jesus.

Busy, busy, busy, blah, blah, blah...

It's been nearly a month since my last post! Things are very busy (blah, blah...I say that all the time). It's a bummer that I don't have time to post because God sure is working in our lives and I want to remember it and share it.

Still no career job. We are not without hope though. We are putting our trust in God for this elusive job and for the benefits it will have on our family. Some days we have to give the anxiety about the job and temptation to lean on our own understanding back to God a thousand times! Other days, it's pretty easy to let God keep all that stuff!

My job is going pretty well. It's a little insane since all of our deadlines are now looming, but it's a great job. The flip side of that is, my company has added two employees in the last two weeks. Two kind of annoying employees. Lucky me, one sits in front of me and the other is kind of my new boss. I have started praying a LOT more through the day as I'm afraid I'll break soon and unleash on both of these people. You would understand if I shared stories....but I won't.

God has really been blessing our marriage. I feel like through these struggles God keeps drawing us closer together and closer to Him. I sure do love that!

Some of my family members are really struggling and that makes me sad. I wish I could do something for them.

So there is the quick and slightly random update. Hopefully I'll have something funny to post next time!

Conversations With Jesus

We didn't make it to church today, but were able to watch the sermon online. Wow. We sure do love our church. Today's sermon was the perfect encouragement for us as we continue to wait on God for several things. Conversation 2 especially resonated with us. I thought others might like to hear it as well- I hope the link works. Click here.

Have a great week!

Sick Hubby

George has come down with something nasty...I'm hoping it's not the flu!

This is the first time in our relationship that he's been for real sick. I hate to say it, but I'm a little bit glad that this has happened. I am glad to have a reason to stop everything, stay home and take care of him. We aren't packing our weekend full like we usually do-we're just resting. I feel like a real wife today! Between checking on G and bringing him food and medicine, I am doing the laundry, cleaning up the apartment, shopping online, baking and cooking. All things I haven't really done in a while because I've been too busy. I'm sorry George is sick, but I'm enjoying this domestic gig! :)

Stress-Ball Freakazoid

I....am a stress-ball freakazoid. That is why I haven't blogged lately.

I wrote a blog about life and balance and seasons on Saturday last week. It was so gut level honest that it made me cry. I didn't post it. Since Saturday, I have gotten some much needed encouragement, some perspective and a little more of the balance I have been looking for. So I'm hoping to be less of a stress-ball freakazoid.

I have realized that I have put SO MUCH pressure on myself! Pressure to be the provider, pressure to also be the perfect wife and supporter, pressure on all my work projects, pressure to be a great friend and family member, pressure to find my husband a job, pressure to look a certain way....you get the point. I guess I reached my limit this past weekend.

The truth is, God is in control of most of those things and I need to let Him be in control of them. The things I have control of? Loosening the grip a little would be good.

So here goes! I'm focusing on being in the moment, realizing this is a season and striving for balance. I'm praying more and worrying just a little bit less. Hopefully I'll stop being a stress-ball freakazoid soon...

P.S. I hate this stupid weather!!

1 YEAR!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!!!

I sure do love this man!

Lame-o blogger

Hey blog world! I have been such a lame blogger recently!!

The biggest reason for my terrible blogging is my job. Work is going really well, but really busy! I just found out our timeline for a huge project has moved up nearly a month so the pressure is on! Maybe I'll post pics of these big projects when they finally come together. ;)

George's job is going well too, but sometimes I feel like we don't get to see each other enough. I'm super blessed that I work a later shift (well, most days) because when he comes home from work at 10pm, we can still talk and spend time together for a few hours and not worry about an early morning wake up.

Things are going well. I can't believe our anniversary is coming up! :)

My American Boy...sort of.

I really can't believe that tonight marks 1 year in the US for George!! What a year it has been! My man has done a great job adjusting to so many new things! I am so happy he's here and so proud of all he has accomplished this year!

I'll post pictures and all that junk later. :) For now, it's time to celebrate with homemade pizza!

Celebration, remembrance and learning...

Saturday was Nathan's funeral/celebration of his earthly life. (I started writing this then, but I'm just now finishing/posting)

Wow. It was hard (meaning, I cried a lot) but it was also good. Nathan was a Christian and knew exactly where he would be going when he left this earth. He was not afraid of death and knew he would be with Jesus soon. That is a very wonderful and happy thought. It's sad though, to think of his family here without him...to think of parents burying their little boy. There is also peace, as he will not continue to suffer through cancer treatments, procedures, sickness and pain. He is happier now than any of us could even imagine.

I have known Nathan's family for a while now (14 years or so) and have watched them through lots of transitions. It's true about 'who you are under pressure is who you are.' This family is gold. They have walked this difficult path with such faith, love and honesty. At every turn they have worked hard to bring glory to God (whether they got good news or bad). They kept loving God and loving His people even through such a hard time.

What has grabbed me the most about this precious family is their complete selflessness and their uninhibited desire to follow God-no. matter. what. There is just so much to say about this family...and so much to learn from them. They have truly inspired me. It's made me really step back and take a look at my/our life. I don't want to be a person who is stuck on myself or who follows God only when it feels good or brings happiness. Of course, I don't try to be selfish...but I guess I need to try harder to be the opposite. I'm really blessed to have great people in my life to learn from.

Sad...

Our little friend Nathan (11) fought cancer with more grace, dignity and faith than most grown men. He went to be with Jesus yesterday. We are sad. Please pray for his family through this incredible loss.

Happy New Year!!

Oh 2011, I am so excited to see you!!

We are full of anticipation for this great year! 2010 was so much about new this, first time that (or everything, really) navigating this, that or the other and just trying to figure out how to be "us" in America. It was a good year, but hard and LOTS of learning.

We are excited to see what 2011 has to hold. We're seeking God and working hard! Bring it on 2011, we're gonna enjoy the ride!

One year ago today...

...I waited anxiously while George went to the embassy again, in hopes of finally hearing "approved!"

He was approved, and we waited for two more weeks to have visa in hand and man on the way.

This time last year, I could feel change coming, but had no idea what it would like. I didn't really think too much about 2010, just that it wouldn't be as sad and hard as 2009. I was right about that at least. There was still a lot of hard, but different hard. I'm not sure if transition is ever easy. It has been surprising just how long it takes to settle in, for the constant changes to slow a little; for us be a little more in control of the chaos instead of the chaos controlling us.

I have had far fewer sleepless nights; I've mostly cried because I'm just so darn happy or empathetic to someone else's struggle or pain...not because I am the sad one. I laughed and smiled a lot more this year. I let things roll of my back and tried to just enjoy the moments. I wake up every morning to the man of my dreams with a smile on my face and thanksgiving to God that we made it! Okay, I do that nearly every morning....but the mornings after that man snored all night and kept me up?.....it takes a few minutes to get to that happy place!

2010 has been great! Lots of ups, some downs, but all around wonderful! I had no idea this time last year how great things would be. God gave us better than we could have imagined!

As for 2011? This time around, we do have hopes and plans and dreams....

Seriously?!?!

Last month I hurt my knee. I toughed it out for a while, but after it wasn't getting better (and a chit chat with my SIL who's an OT) I finally went to the Dr. It's not too serious or anything. Ice it...blah, blah, blah.....do special exercises...blah, blah, blah.....wear a support sleeve...blah, blah...no high heels.

Wait....NO. HEELS!?!

I just about fell of the table when I heard that!! NO HEELS for a month!! What does he expect me to put on my feet?! Seriously?!?

Sigh....

P.S. Thank you Jesus for awesome health insurance.

Gingerbread house & Christmas fun!

I've been bad about blogging lately...we've just been enjoying our Christmastime together too much to take a blogging break. :)

We made a gingerbread house this week. George enjoyed it more than I thought he would and was very meticulous in his decorations. It was fun and I think may be a new tradition.

We are just so, so happy to be together. I could go on and on about all that mushy stuff! When we think back about what our lives were this time last year, we are just in awe of what has happened in the last year. We are very thankful to be together! We are REALLY looking forward to our celebrations this week! Merry Christmas everyone!!

Charlie and LaFawnda

This is a very delayed post! A couple weeks ago, G and I got our first Christmas tree together and decorated our apartment for our first Christmas together! We were very excited! So I guess George was so excited that he closed his eyes...whoops! That amazing Michael Kors beauty you see on my arm?? A pre-Christmas gift from my love. What a sweety! George was legitimately excited for the lights.... ...and ornaments! These are his first ornaments! Once the tree was fully decorated, George decided we got a Charlie this year. I like it. Of course, our Ghana nativity has a prominent place....although not a very good pic. We are really enjoying this Christmas season and hope you are too!

Love hurts...

This has been a very difficult week for my family. Hard, sad things have happened.

The wonderful thing about being a close knit family is that we've got each other's backs. The terrible part is that we feel each other's pain. This has been a very painful week. We are looking to God and hoping in Him through these times. We know our God is faithful, even when things don't make sense to us. If you think of it, pray for my family. Pray for peace, pray for hope, pray for comfort and strength.