This Grief Thing

This has been a very intense week. I'm not even sure what to say about it, how to process everything.

I think I'm over the initial shock of losing Naomi. Then again, I was in Carter's on Friday and wanted to buy her an outfit. It took me a second to realize I couldn't do that. I remember going through similar things after we lost my Nonnie. I would look forward to telling her something or seeing her on Easter and then remember I couldn't. Mostly, a sadness has just set in. Sadness, yet hope. Sadness, but still an unwavering faith in God and His goodness-despite the fact that we can't quite wrap our heads around this.

One of the crazy things through this week was my NT scan for our growing baby. It seemed so surreal and for lack of better expression, messed up to be watching my squirming baby on a screen while mourning my baby niece. And you know, it is messed up; God didn't intend for our world to work this way...death sucks. I'm very uncomfortable right now talking about our baby during this loss. Its an odd feeling. I am still happy and protective of our little bean, but also so sensitive to the pain of Joe and Sara. Both my brother and sister in-law have told me a few times that they don't want their loss to dampen our joy and that they are looking forward to snuggling our baby. I really appreciate that and I know they mean it. I also know that emotions and grief are a strange thing and they can catch us off guard. I don't want to accidentally cause them more pain and I'm not sure what to do about that.

I think the worst thing about grieving with someone is not knowing how to help them. I am such a doer. I really want to DO SOMETHING to make this easier. I try, but I know only the Lord and time will really ease the pain.

The blessing coming out of this loss is that God is bringing healing and growth to relationships. I am so thankful for that! Loss really magnifies what you do have and petty things are more easily brushed aside. I am grateful for such a wonderful family, who like always, have rallied around in time of crisis. We are all processing and mourning Naomi in different ways, but our priority as a group is to come along side Joe and Sara and support and love on them as they heal.

God has not changed, but we are knowing Him in a different way through this. He is good and He loves us oh so much!