God Knew, God Knows

The drugs I'm on to help Baby hold on have some un-fun side effects. By far, the worst one is mood swings, or more extreme emotions. For me, that meant that several days this week I was completely overcome with anxiety, fear and sadness. I cried a lot and didn't feel like myself at all (this is not normal for me-even pregnant). I was constantly worried that I was somehow harming Makafui by actually being on "light duty", that I had tanked our families finances with a surgery, many Dr. visits and expensive drugs and feared that all of this upheaval would be for nothing-that our precious little baby wouldn't make it.

Today, I am feeling much more myself! I have not cried at one news story or commercial, I laughed when Makafui turned the water in my shower to cold (that non-verbal communication is quite loud) and I am hopeful.

So before I become a basket case again, I want to remind myself of some truths.

George and I are not the type to make decisions and assume God will give His stamp of approval afterward. We really try to seek Him for our life and future and consider what HIS plans are for our life, rather than just what we would like to do.

We sought Him and wise counsel when we were sorting through and figuring out what insurance plan we chose for 2013 and 2014. We trusted Him when He said "no" to some things we really wanted and "wait" for the things that were meant for us...just not yet. We asked Him to bless us with another child and believe it happened in His timing.

And here we are, embarking on a new year with a LOT going on! Some things we have shared publicly, others, we have not. But they all weigh heavily on my mind.

None of these things were a surprise to God. Not the baby or "her" precarious situation, not the medical crisis, not the medical bills, not the needs of our sweet boy, not the changes juuuuust around the corner, not the uncertainty of our housing, not any of the stresses and more.

God knew what was going to happen before it did. He protected us from some things, and allowed others. God knows what we need, what we crave, what we worry about, what brings us to tears.

And He is faithful. Faithful when things are awesome. Faithful when they are hard. Faithful when I am an emotional basket case. He is blessing our marriage and our growing family through this faith walk. I am taking it one day at a time, reminding myself that the Lord knows what's next and what's best.