Excellence. Calling. Life. Ponderings.

I recently bit off way more than I could chew. What started out as great plans and good intentions turned into me being over committed and stretched too thin.

I realized last week that I had cooked dinner half as much as I usually do; I was not taking very good care of myself; I was getting annoyed with M over small things because he was keeping me from doing other (new) tasks and I went through a list of beneficial things I could cancel or sleep I could miss out on so I could do it all! My child finally sleeps and I am exhausted!

There was a small meltdown. There were some tears. There was soul searching and wisdom seeking.

And then, there was plate clearing.

A tiny part of me feels like a failure for not being able to "do it all". But then I remind myself that I could do it all, just not with excellence. My family deserves better than that, I deserve better than that.

I could have kept everything and gotten by. But I don't just get by.

God has given me this wonderful family. THIS is my calling. Not that other stuff. THIS is what I want to excel in. THIS is what matters-today and into eternity.

Maybe there was a purpose to the overly full plate thing. It seemed like a good idea at first. Maybe it was a reminder that this life I lead is a choice, a sacrifice, a passion, a gift, a calling. I don't do this because I can't do anything else. I do this because this is what God has called me to and I love it more than anything else.

The things I put away for now will always be there. Makafui will not always be a baby. My husband will not be in this same place. My relationships won't just pause while I go nuts doing too much. No, this is not the season for that.

I'm gonna take a deep breath...and sleeeeeeeep.