Heavy Heart, Deep Thoughts

My Dad's younger brother, my Uncle Jimmie passed away 2 weeks ago, he was 53 years old. I haven't blogged about it or really said much about it because I guess I didn't know what to say. It caught us all off guard.

Undoubtedly, I was/am deeply saddened by his loss. I am especially sad for my Dad and my Nonnie. I knew Uncle Jimmie and had spent some time with him, but I was not very close to him. Our main connection was simply that we loved some of the same people.

I think when anyone you are close to passes it gets you to thinking. I have been thinking a lot about life, death, purpose, influence and impact lately.

If I were to die soon, who would be affected by it? Who would mourn and miss me deeply? Who would come to my funeral and say that I had made an impact on their life? What would my legacy be?

Right now, my mission field is my family (and not in the whole 'us four and no more' or just populate the earth with Christian babies sort of way...more about mission/missionaries later). I pour all of myself into my husband and child. I unashamedly give nearly all that I am to them, I hope to the glory of God.

I am not on street corners shouting the gospel, nor do I plan to ever go that particular route. I no longer serve internationally. I don't volunteer at the food bank like I used to or build houses for people in need-in this country or any other. I'm not currently fundraising for any great cause or handing out Bibles. I am not Billy Graham or Mother Theresa.

I am a girl who loves Jesus, loving and supporting my husband. I am raising a man.

Sometimes I feel like that's not enough. Like I should be doing, being more.

But here's the deal, I am walking in the good works God has prepared for me. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing-right here, right now. My impact is not to a large group of people. It's to a small, very important sphere of influence.

I wasn't sure if that was okay. I wasn't sure if I should be doing more. Am I being ALL who God has called me to be?

Some days, I don't know the answer to that question.

And some, I do.

I've been thinking a lot lately...