Post 3 of the day...

I think 3 posts in one day is ridiculous, but I'm doing it anyway.

I'm still trying to digest what's going on and why. I know we didn't get an interview because I would have been notified. Every month when I call and ask if we got one, they say, "Did you get an e-mail? You will get an e-mail." I decided not to drive the knife in further, and thus, did not call and ask this question again. I just know.

The governor (whom I have never really liked, btw) can't do anything to help. Surprise!...seems like no one can.

Yet, I am still not quite jaded. Amazing, I know. I have sent several e-mails to the NVC asking to be expedited (I expect responses in another week and a half or so) as well as an e-mail to the consulate in Accra asking several questions and again, asking to be expedited. And then, I sent a fax to senator Cornyn. I begged for help! I explained I wasn't actually asking for a favor, but to be treated fairly, to be given my American right and to get the service which I have paid handsomely for in a timely manner. I was not quite eloquent. I was not quite sweet. I was maybe even a little dare I say...demanding. It is what it is....sent.

I want to go to sleep and wake up when this is over.

I ate an entire pint of Groom's Cake ice cream this afternoon...in one sitting! I'm both proud and ashamed.

I want to run away to Ghana...I could leave Saturday morning and it would only cost $1441...but then what?

I can't handle going to my church this Sunday. I can't handle one more person telling me they know how I feel (which they don't)...or that this is all in God's timing (which isn't helpful or nice, and how would they know that? Is there a direct line I don't know about? It's called sin in the world people!)...or that at least someone isn't dead, this isn't that big of a deal (right, no one is dead, but my heart is breaking every moment of the day-it's a big deal to me! How 'bout I take away your husband and your money, keep it gone for a while, trick you into thinking you can get it back, ask for more and more money and tell you this isn't a big deal? Also, no one can help you. Yeah, that's what I thought).....or have I tried e-mailing/talking to (fill in the blank)?....or aren't I glad I'm reformed, because then I know God is the one jerking me around...not sin or sinful people. I just can't handle it!!! I know I will cry. I will probably be pissy and rude in response to some of these "helpful" comments and oh, by the way-I'm NOT reformed and I DON'T believe God gives us bad things...surprise! I don't know what Sunday will hold, but I want to be anonymous.

If you can't tell, I'm kind of in a bad mood right now...I'm sorry about that. I really do prefer to be happy.

I feel like God doesn't listen to me sometimes-but I pray anyway.

I hate crying...I do it a lot though.

Will I ever get to wear my special dress and actually pick George up at the airport??

Psalm 39:12

Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry; hold not your peace at my tears! For I am a sojourner with you, a guest, like all my fathers.

Today is the day...again.

Today is the day I am supposed to call and hear about the interview. I don't think I can. I have very little hope left and I simply don't know if I can handle hearing "no" one more time. These twelve months have been quite the roller coaster and pretty agonizing. I just don't know what to do. For now, I keep checking my e-mail and praying constantly...though I'm not sure I'm getting through.

A glimpse of Ghana

One of the things I've been doing lately is reading people's blogs. I don't really know any of these people, but I'm drawn to blogs about Ghana. However, I usually find that the people who are writing these blogs have some demeaning and not very nice things to say about Ghana- as if being a Westerner in and of itself makes them superior. They love to throw around phrases like 'third world country' and say Africa when what they mean is Ghana. So I'm going to tell you about the Ghana I know.

Let me start by saying that I love Ghana but am in no way blinded by love when it comes to the truth of Ghana. I have experienced many things there and it's not all good. I have been mugged in Ghana; I have been discriminated against; I have been sick and been to clinics in Ghana; I have taught in their public school system; I have used their public transportation; I have shopped in their markets; I have relied on their water and electricity; I have spent time in the homes of Ghanaians, rich and poor; I have lived in a tiny village, a big city and the in-between; I have worked in orphanages and more.

Now to get my two pet peeves out of the way. The first is using the word Africa when talking about a specific country, like Ghana. I don't say North America when I'm talking about Texas...that's just plain silly! Africa is a continent, not a country. The second is that terrible classification....3rd world. I understand why these classifications came about. But they seriously flopped. When people hear or say 3rd world, it's not typically to classify the socioeconomic and or political status of a nation. When they say this there is usually an awful, 'we first worlders are better' twist. Or the horrible connotation that people in 3rd world countries are lesser in various ways (well duh, first, second, third...they are last) or that they are dumb and uncivilized. These things are not true. I much prefer terms like developing or emerging country.

I have seen some hard things in Ghana, but I have also seen amazing things and met wonderful people! One of the things that stands out about Ghanaians in general is their joy. They have so little in comparison to an American, but they are full of joy. In this, they have reminded me again and again what is important in life and from where our joy should come. They also have very strong family and community values, something that is lacking in my culture-Ghanaians take good care of one another!

I have learned so much from the people I have met and lived with and I am so thankful that I was able to do so. One of the things I love and admire is the women of Ghana. They are incredible and so strong. It is not unusual for a woman in Ghana to be raising children (her own and possibly nieces/nephews), taking care of the home, farming and having some sort of business or job that brings money in. I once saw a woman who had a baby on her back, a big pregnant belly, a toddler holding her hand and a bowl full of fruit on her head. The fruit stood 3-4 feet tall! She had cultivated it and was taking it to the market to sell. She was the picture of strength and elegance...there are women like her all over the country. Another time, I was climbing a mountain in Ghana and quite exhausted already. (Before I had gone to Ghana, I was in my fancy American gym working out at least 5 days a week...it did nothing to prepare me.) Before I knew it, I was being passed by barefoot, machete wielding women, singing, and with bowls on their heads! They had farms up the mountain and were going to work...joyfully. They are the type of women who laugh at things to come.

Life is very different in Ghana, but not as different as you might think. I don't know what makes people think the American way is better or devoid of the problems and corruption that other countries experience. That's not true, it just looks different over here.

I'm sure this begs the question, "If Ghana is so great, why go to all the trouble to get George here?" We are not getting George over here because we hate Ghana or because we think it's a horrible place. We are getting him over here so that he can meet my family and know this part of my life; so we have the freedom to go back and forth and ultimately, so we can make the kind of money that can help his family and allow us (and our future children) to know and live in both countries and both cultures. We love Ghana!

Dear GOD...help me not to be so pissy.....Aaaaaamen!

Tick-tock......tick-tock....

I feel like time itself is mocking me! The minutes slowly tick by while I anxiously wait for THE e-mail. I don't know what to think. All of my intuition is gone, as are most of my emotions. I don't think I "feel" one way or the other about this month being THE month, but when I check my e-mail and have nothing from the NVC, I do get a little bit bummed. How much longer will it be? Every verse is Psalms that begins 'How long O Lord...' is going through my mind, there are a lot of them. How looooong O Lord?

I added Governor to the list of people I've contacted about this. For those of you keeping track, the NVC (times a million), the President, Senator Hutchison, Senator Cornyn (times a few hundred), high ranking Joint Forces Command officer, high ranking Ghana Army officer, the FBI and Governor have ALL been contacted. One would think that would get us somewhere. Maybe I need to start going to some of these offices. I only work half day anyway. I can make sure I look really cute and sad (when I get dressed up it ends up looking that way anyway) and go wait, right in front of them until they do something. It's a thought. Thursday is the day I call. I want it to come, but I'm also dreading it...

Thankful for my man...

I'm so thankful for George. As if it needs to be said, he's amazing and totally worth this ridiculous wait. You may not care, but here are some of the things I love about him...

He loves God and loves me so much! He is a super hard worker and is always praying and preparing for our future. He is so respectful! He is respectful to people in general, but especially to elders and to his parents. He takes good care of his mama and sister, which I LOVE. He knows when to speak and when to be quiet (I'm still working on that one:). He's GORGEOUS! He's smart and a fast learner. He knows when to apologize. He is a great listener. He's a leader who doesn't trample or demean. He has a wonderful sense of humor and a contagious laugh and smile. He has a beautiful smile! He knows what to say to make me feel better. He has faith when I don't and helps me to find it. He challenges me, not too much, but just enough. He makes all the hard decisions a little bit easier. He's takes great care of me, especially when I'm sick. He's not afraid of strong women. He helps me simplify things. He encourages me in all things. He is strong, in every sense of the word. He is mine and I'm so glad.

Psalm 143: 7-8

Answer me quickly, O LORD! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

12 months...

Today marks 12 months since our first paperwork for this visa was received. It also marks 19 weeks since our case was complete and waiting for an interview. Maybe I'm just a weenie, but that's a loooong time! I was told not to call about interview status until the 20th (funny how "the second week of the month" gets stretched out longer and longer...they're probably seeing how many bribes they can rake in before giving legit interviews). I don't think I have the heart to call and hear "NO" again, so I probably won't. If we get one we should get e-mails. Still trusting God...

In comes the FBI

All of this waiting around was getting boring. So in order to ensure your entertainment and that the confusion, craziness and bizarre nature of our story remained constant...I threw in the FBI.

I'm only kidding. Well, sort of.

I did contact the FBI, but I did it because the corruption (by Americans, mind you) in Ghana is wrong. I'm all for justice, but to be completely honest, not only is it wrong, but these people are cutting in line-we will never get an interview at this rate! Anyway, the strangest thing happened! I. Got. A. Response. I am NOT joking about this! Someone read my "tip" as they call it, someone actually took it seriously, and someone actually responded! It wasn't a form letter OR automated response (I know this because I was told not expect a response and a few hours later got a response that said THIS IS NOT AN AUTOMATED RESPONSE, it also had some questions). So, we shall see. I was very excited to be HEARD. Hopefully they can help sort some of this yucky stuff out.

The last 6 months have been particularly tumultuous. I moved out of the home where I lived for 12 years into a tiny [hot mess of an] apartment with my family and then into my own place all by myself. On the job front I was told my boss was having another baby, that my job was secure and the family was happy to have me with them for basically as long as I would stay. Then, I was laid off…but slowly. I heard the thrill of my life when I found out our case was COMPLETE and we had only 8 more weeks (or less!) until our interview! We thought we were almost finished, only to be strung out months longer with no end in sight. I spent 2 amazing weeks with my man and we said our first non-tearful good-bye. “I’ll see you in no time…” I said, “…just a couple of months.” That was five months ago. I got malaria baaad…it took a while to recover and it clouded my mind. I got through my first big storm alone (funnel clouds and all) it really messed up my car and added more stress to my life. There was a possible job for G on the other side of the country, it briefly seemed like the promise land, but it was not. There were some very tough decisions and it was a difficult time for us. I get headaches now, I forget things, I don’t sleep through the night. We are seeking God earnestly and every plan we have had has pretty much fallen through. Sometimes I feel lost, but I don’t know what it is I’m trying to find. When I write it down, I feel a little less silly and a little more validated. A lot is going on and that’s not even close to all of it! Change is hard.

I’m just having a tough time. I’ve always been up for an adventure, but this is different. It’s not cute or fun anymore. The lies and corruption have changed the game and I don’t want to play it. Yes I want George here, but I don’t know how to make that happen. I don’t know what’s next. I have exhausted all of the options we have. I need peace, I need hope, I need comfort.

Today I planned on calling the NVC. I was going to call and tell the operator to connect me to the MOST senior person, the big boss. Then I was going to say this…”Hello, I have been waiting for 19 weeks to get an interview. You told me to wait 8. No one will tell me how long the wait is or where I am on the list. I thought this was curious, then I found out you were lying. No one can tell me how long the wait is or where I am on the list because it changes all the time. You are soliciting bribes and putting paying people ahead of me. As far as you are concerned I may never get an interview. You didn’t think anyone would find out because you only solicit Africans with no ties to US citizens. Well, I know. I know it all. You need to give me an interview and you need to give it to me NOW. Your secret is out, who knows how far it will go now?” Then I remembered, I’m not James Bond or Denzel Washington. That plan will probably severely backfire.

So again, I just don’t know.

Please keep praying for us.

P.S. I don't want to sound whiney at all, I'm just sharing our journey...letting it out.

Diet Dr. Pepper and other visual stimuli...

I'm preparing for next week, which is month five of scheduling and my first week of heavily reduced work. I'm a sucker for visual reminders, so I have some things to help me get through and remind me who is in control. Diet Dr. Pepper, cookie dough and welcome home signs. You may think I’ve gone crazy and you may think these things have nothing to do with the events of next week or with one another, but they do.

Most important is the Diet DP. First, I’m pretty frugal and fairly health conscience, so I hardly buy my beloved Diet DP- but for this week it is very important, so I got the needed 12-pack. You may laugh, but 12-packs of Diet Dr. Pepper remind me of God’s faithfulness. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. Some years ago my oldest brother was battling cancer. As you can imagine, it was an extremely hard time for my family. I don’t really have the words for it and probably never will, but it was a huge walk of faith and often, a struggle. There was also a lot of waiting. Waiting for a better day; waiting to see if the treatment worked; waiting for another treatment to start; waiting for God to answer our prayers. During this time I took on the extra responsibilities needed since my mom was often at Doctors or hospitals with my brother. I helped to home school my younger siblings, keep the house in order, prepare meals when needed and field phone calls. It was hard work. A dear friend of our family knew how much I was doing and in addition to her constant prayerful support, meals etc., did something special for me. She brought me Diet Dr. Pepper. That doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I L-O-V-E Diet DP (and I had just lost a lot of weight and was worried about gaining it back) and she knew. She would come to my house every other day or so and bring a 12-pack. Sometimes she would ring the doorbell and talk to me, tell me she was praying for me, give me a hug, etc. Other times, she would just leave it on the porch with a sweet note. It seems small, but it was huge to me-HUGE. God only knows what she spent on soda throughout my brother’s illness-Lord bless her! My brother survived and is doing wonderfully now in all aspects of his life, not just physically. (I am so thankful that’s how it worked out, but God would still be God and still be faithful even if it hadn’t) Every time I see a Diet DP 12-pack now I think of that dear, sweet lady and I think of God’s faithfulness, how even the little seemingly nothings were (and are) taken care of. He saw us through some very hard and dark times…this is different, but He is not. Sometimes that’s easy to lose sight of. Yes it’s silly, but the soda reminds me.

As for the cookie dough. George really, really likes chocolate chip cookies! I managed to perfect a recipe in Ghana and he’s hooked. I want to make sure to have cookies for him when he comes. I’m pretty certain that I’ll be so beside myself with excitement before he comes that I would somehow mess up cookies from scratch…so Pillsbury it is! When I see the dough in the fridge, it reminds me that he IS coming and I pray HARD!!

And the signs…Those are so good for me! I don’t know why, but it’s like therapy to sit down and work on a welcome sign. I finished one that will be on the front door and I’m working on huge letters to cut out and hang in the apartment, they say ’welcome’ in his first language, Ewe.

I’m well aware that these things (or maybe just sharing it) makes me a complete cheese ball. I don’t care.

Epic

When people hear our story, they pretty much always say something along the lines of "Wow, it's like a movie!" or "Your story should be a movie." Well let me tell you, this movie keeps getting more intense! What started as a romantic, long distance, bi-cultural love story is now taking some interesting twists. Throw in a lot of bureaucracy, lies and heavy corruption and that puts you a little closer to the truth of our story. A lot of Americans find it hard to believe that we are having all this trouble and that it's the U.S. (!) not the African country we are struggling with. They also assume that all of the corruption is on Ghana's side. While there is some of that, this fine country has it's fair share as well. So if you're up for it, let me debrief you a bit...

We are currently dealing with a government agency that told us to wait 8 weeks. We are on 18 weeks. Said government agency is actually run by a private company. That's right, it was contracted out for somewhere in the 200 million dollar range. Said agency has one e-mail address-it takes weeks to get an answer and the response is ALWAYS a form letter about case status. You can only talk to a depressed operator when you call and there is no one to talk to if you want real answers. Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

But it gets better. George and I have a friend in Ghana who was lucky enough to get visa lottery visa. For those of you who don't know, people can pay about $350 for a shot at getting a visa. If they win, then they pay all the other processing and can come to the states. By the way, $350 is 5 months salary for some of these people. Anyway, this friend's processing was a little behind ours and he's been waiting for an interview for about a month (I'm told). Recently he struck a deal with a US person (government agent I assume, but can't be sure) to get into the states faster. He paid the guy $1500 and promised to pay more once he was in the States and working. He had his interview on Monday and he picks up his visa on Friday. He will come to the states soon, with his wife (still don't know how that happened). He will essentially be a slave to the person who sped up his process. He will be paying this person at least another $1500, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if that changed. No one seems to know what will happen if he doesn't pay. This friend is not a US citizen, he has no real rights and will not tell anyone how he came here so quickly. Few people even care. It's all very sketchy. My question is, who is the guy who facilitated this? Where did the money go? How long will our friend be indebted to him? And more importantly, how many other "slaves" are being ushered into this country? I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but chances are this corruption is deeper than one man. Our friend told George some people are paying $6000 or more to get their families in the states with them. No wonder the Ghana embassy is overrun-they have quite the lucrative business going on. I wish this were hard to believe, but it isn't. It does seem like something from a movie...if only I knew the ending.

Now I just need to figure out what, if anything, I should do about this.

Attitude of expectation

I recently got a devotional book about Hope, by Billy Graham and have been enjoying reading it. Yesterday's devotional was about patience. Sometimes I feel like I will scream if I hear one more thing about freakin patience! However, this was not the case. He wrote that patience was not just "teeth-clenched" endurance, but an attitude of expectation. I like that. Throughout this process I have had times of teeth-clenched endurance and times of having an attitude of expectation...and sometimes both simultaneously! Teeth-clenched endurance is easier and it makes disappointment hurt less. However, an attitude of expectation is better and better for me...also way more Christ honoring. So with that in mind, last night I patiently and expectantly got things done. I finished my veil-it took me 3 tries! I also finished my reception hairpiece-that only took 2 tries. :) Then I started working on welcome signs for George's arrival...it's good for my soul and the teacher and former homeschool kid in me just can't resist a sale on poster board and markers! I also finally got to bed early! Yay!

There's nothing new on the job front. I am searching, but as you may have realized from the news, the economy is pretty much terrible right now. I have peace though. I'm a bit surprised by that, but I know something will work out. Even if it means I have to be the shelving girl at the library (My library is awful btw, the staff are super mean-SUPER mean! The books are just cast offs from the 90's or donated weirdness and it smells like b.o.). Please pray my boss gets a job, then I can stay put.

The black envelopes continue to flow into the Senator's office and I am praying some good comes from it. Next week begins another round of scheduling.

An update...

The trickle of black envelopes into John Cornyn's office has begun! On Sunday I will be able to give more letters to people so next week it will really pick up-but so far, so good!

Monday starts my last week of full time work followed by a few weeks at 20 hours. The job hunt has not been very fruitful so far. Please pray for God's favor in this situation. My heart's desire (for me and for them) is that my boss who got laid off will get another job and that I can continue to work for this sweet family.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up for interview news in August, but obviously, I really want that interview! Please pray for peace and strength for us.

Also, despite their website saying complaints are only taken through the mail, my e-mail to TXDOT about the stupid traffic light does seem to have produced results! Yeah man!

Letters!

Today I began a bombardment operation. Letters to the Senator about our immigration case....lots of letters! I got black envelopes for greater visual impact and wrote a great (if I do say so myself) letter that's slightly generic with all the needed info. I've started with fifty. They are addressed and (almost) stamped so all my friends and family will have to do is sign their name and put their return address. I'm hoping this will get us heard. If not, it has been good for me to actually do something while I wait-I feel a little better, so it's not a waste. Please pray that the people who read these letters will help us (and other people, we aren't the only ones waiting forever because the embassy in Accra won't function properly)!

In other letter news....the stupid traffic light to get into my apartment either doesn't "see" my car, or really has it in for me. I routinely wait five minutes or more to turn while every other direction gets a green light over and over again! I wrote an e-mail and was told they only take complaints through the mail. WHAT?!? I'm deciding how much of a campaign this warrants. In normal life, it's not a big deal....but this is not normal life.

Oh yeah, George has malaria, so please pray for quick and complete healing!

Oh yeah again....my dad wrote the PRESIDENT! How cute is that? 54 years old and he wrote the prez for the first time...don't mess with his kid!

More prayers pleeeeaaaaasssssseeeee....

Everyday seems to get more dismal and more discouraging. I have all of next week off (it's been planned for months) originally my mom and I were going to do wedding stuff. That won't be happening. Please pray that the Lord would renew our strength and give us hope and encouragement. Please pray for my job situation and for direction in general. Please pray for peace, I don't have much of that.

I just don't know.

Remember in elementary school when you had a joke with a recurring line...and then finally you get to the punch line? Over and over you ask someone questions and they have to answer with the same phrase...then the last question you ask somehow makes that phrase funny or embarrassing.

That's how I feel right now, only it's not funny. Pretty much whatever the question is, my answer is: I just don't know. What's going on with immigration? When will George be here? What are you going to do next? What happened with your job? How will you make money now? What are you going to do next? The answer to all of those questions and so much more is, I. Just. Don't. Know.

This new set of circumstances changes things. It changes my perspective. It changes my financial situation (these recent $10/day phone calls to Ghana have got to stop!). It changes the options we have for our future. It changes the life of the little guy I watch. It just changes things.

So here I am again, back to, I just don't know. These are the things I do know, so they will have to suffice until all the other details are filled in. God is still my God and He is BIG. George is still my man and nothing will change that. Somehow, things will be okay.

Please continue to pray for us. We are feeling very aimless and very unheard. We need some serious wisdom, direction, HOPE and favor.

I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction: YOU HAVE KNOWN THE DISTRESS OF MY SOUL... Psalm 31:7

Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22

Keep on trying nonoboy...

Last night I was looking through some old pictures of my sweet times in Ghana. My favorite sign in the town I lived in in 2007 was for a little provision shop, it was called 'Keep On Trying Nonoboy' I'm not sure of the meaning of this, but it always tickled me. I still laugh about it. I noticed last night that Psalm 27:13-14 was also written on the sign.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

I was thinking about this verse and how fitting it is while writing this post when my boss came to me crying. Her husband has lost his job, so in turn, I am losing mine. Please pray.

Am I old enough for this?

So there are some big decisions ahead of us-really too many to list. Please pray that we would hear what God has for us and be united in our decision making. Specifically, there is an offer we are thinking and praying about (okay, that was semi-specifically:). Also, deciding when a visit is due, we don't want to spend $3,000 for a visit and get an interview a week later...so it's hard to know what to do.